I have so much on my heart and mind, and I'm honestly not even sure where to begin or what to write. But here goes...
For several days now, the subject of race has been at the forefront of my mind. To be quite honest, I don't like that it has been. Since Caleb was born, we've received so much love, support, and encouragement from our family and friends. I've even been stopped in Target by a complete stranger who said she knew my older sister and felt like she was meeting a celebrity as she talked to Caleb! HA! People we don't even personally know have prayed and supported us, and it's truly incredible to witness.
We have experienced a few careless comments. I honestly don't think any of them came from malicious intent. It was more of a lack of understanding about adoption and interracial families. I can handle that. Even when the comments or questions are shocking, I can tell when it's sheer curiosity, and it's okay.
However, what is hard for me is when I get comments that almost seem degrading. What hurts me more than the comments is that I know my son is going to experience this throughout his life to some extent. He's black. His parents are white. He's adopted. I view all of these things as celebrations, but there are people in our world who don't, and it makes me ache.
Austin and I had extensive conversations about race before Caleb was born and before we even decided to be open to adopting any race. We knew adopting a child of a different race than our own would absolutely present certain struggles, but we felt the Lord's pull to open our heart to any race. We knew with complete confidence that God would provide all we needed.
Now here we are with a one year old. When I look at my baby boy, I simply see my baby boy. Austin and I are working to raise our sweet son to find his identity in Jesus Christ. I want him to look at the hearts and character of others when deciding who to befriend, date, and eventually marry. I want to teach him to have thick skin and a soft heart so he can learn to let things roll off his back while deeply loving others and serving Christ. I want him to work hard at all he does, and if things don't go his way, try again or move on. I do NOT want him to allow the world's view of him or anyone else to determine his decisions and beliefs. I want him to cling to his convictions and seek God's will above all.
What I have observed throughout my 27 years of life is that our society is working hard to blame others. Blame the teacher when your child gets a bad grade. Blame the coach when your child doesn't get enough playing time. Blame the other kid when yours gets in trouble at school. Blame the education system when you're not doing well in college. Blame the employer when you don't get the job. Blame the church when the world is full of sin. Blame the opposite political party for problems in the country. Blame another race for injustices you feel you're experiencing.
Enough is enough.
Is someone else to blame at times? Sure. Are we all the victim at some point? Possibly. Is it an uphill climb at times? Of course.
But when do we look in the mirror? When do we accept that EVERYONE has difficulties. EVERYONE has something stacked against them. EVERYONE can find SOMEONE to blame for SOMETHING.
And I just refuse to raise my son in this way. I don't want him to go through life with the mentality that the world is against him because he's black or he's in a white family or he's adopted. I don't want him to believe he is owed something.
My dad has always hated the word "deserve." Oh, I can practically hear his rant about it now! He taught us growing up that we don't deserve anything. If we want to get down to it, what we actually deserve is death according to the Bible. Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Because each and every one of us have sinned, we deserve death. Hell. But because God loves us so much, He sent His Son to die and pay for our sins. Through faith in Him alone, we receive eternal life. So no. If we want to talk about what we actually deserve, its death. It's separation from God. (You see why we learned quickly not to tell him we thought we deserved anything? Imagine that speech every time! haha)
Austin and I are not raising our son to believe that he is owed or deserves anything because he's black or adopted. We aren't raising him to believe that we are either. We are raising Caleb to know he desperately needs a Savior just like we all do. We're raising him to be proud of his race and adoption story. We're raising him to fight for biblical truths. We're raising him to defend life, seek God's will, serve others, and walk by faith. We're raising him to be an overcomer through Christ.
We are not naive. We understand that the world is going to put negative thoughts in his head. It's inevitable. He will most likely endure racist remarks at some point. He will absolutely have difficulties in his life. As his mama, it weights so heavily on my heart as I think about my baby hurting. But I will always point him back to Jesus. I will always remind him of who God says he is. I will always teach him to stand firm in his faith and be confident in who he is in Christ because that's all that matters.
Austin and I are one year in in our process of raising a boy into a man. We're raising someone's husband. We're raising someone's father. We're raising a man of God. This is a task we do not take lightly by any means. I'm so thankful for the support system we have partnering with us to love our sweet boy!
Wednesday, February 26, 2020
Tuesday, February 18, 2020
Caleb's First Birthday!
My sweet boy's first birthday was last Thursday! It was a day full of fun and love. We took Caleb to get his first donuts! After the donut shop, we went to PetSmart to look at the animals. Caleb loved them all, especially the birds and guinea pig! He stared and giggled nonstop! Afterward, I took Caleb to Brooke's salon to get a haircut and then to Target. Caleb had a fun day, and so did we!
The following Saturday was his Mickey Mouse birthday party! It was so much fun, and we were so amazed by all the love of our family and friends! Caleb was so silly as we sang Happy Birthday, and he loved all the attention he was getting! (Austin and I have learned that this little boy truly enjoys being the center of attention! He's such a ham!!) Caleb got presents and really enjoyed opening and seeing them all. Toward the end of the party, he started pushing a little wagon around that he had gotten as a gift. He LOVED it! He was screaming and giggling and having a blast! The party couldn't have been more perfect for our boy!
Caleb Austin is a whole year old now! I can't believe how quickly time is passing. Our little baby is is becoming a toddler, and I know each phase and stage of his life are going to pass in a blink. Austin and I are both working so hard to savor each moment. We're still so amazed that the Lord has given him to us!
One year has passed, and we're praising God for it! I'm so looking forward to all the years to come as we watch God's plan for our sweet son unfold!
The following Saturday was his Mickey Mouse birthday party! It was so much fun, and we were so amazed by all the love of our family and friends! Caleb was so silly as we sang Happy Birthday, and he loved all the attention he was getting! (Austin and I have learned that this little boy truly enjoys being the center of attention! He's such a ham!!) Caleb got presents and really enjoyed opening and seeing them all. Toward the end of the party, he started pushing a little wagon around that he had gotten as a gift. He LOVED it! He was screaming and giggling and having a blast! The party couldn't have been more perfect for our boy!
Caleb Austin is a whole year old now! I can't believe how quickly time is passing. Our little baby is is becoming a toddler, and I know each phase and stage of his life are going to pass in a blink. Austin and I are both working so hard to savor each moment. We're still so amazed that the Lord has given him to us!
One year has passed, and we're praising God for it! I'm so looking forward to all the years to come as we watch God's plan for our sweet son unfold!
Monday, February 10, 2020
A Year
It's so crazy to think about how drastically your life can change in a single year!
On this day last year, I was connected with Christy, pastor's wife in NC. She had learned about our adoption through the grapevine. Actually, grapevine is completely wrong! It wasn't through the grapevine. It was through the power of the Holy Spirit working to connect people 1,000 miles apart! Christy told me exactly one year ago that she was going to reach out to her church family to see if anyone would be willing to open their home to complete strangers for 1-3 weeks! Oh, and these strangers would be bringing a newborn from the hospital, so there would need to be room for two brand new parents, the grandma, and the newborn! That's A LOT to ask!
But you know what?! People didn't hesitate! Less than 24 hours later, Christy texted that she had a home for us! Caleb wasn't due for over two more weeks, and the lady who was the first to volunteer her home was out of town but would return in a few days. No one thought that would be a problem! But then Caleb arrived two days later!
I called Christy after we got word that Caleb was on his way, and she quickly reached out to the others who had volunteered their homes as well. That's how we ended up with Wyatt and Lauren.
We were amazed that multiple families were so willing to open their homes to 3 adults and a baby for an uncertain amount of time, but that's what happens when God is involved!!
We hit the stinking jackpot with Wyatt and Lauren! They not only had a the perfect space for us, but they became the sweetest friends! They opened their basement to us, which was incredible! Plenty of space, our own kitchen and bathrooms, and it was soundproof, so we never had to worry that Caleb's newborn cries would disturb our hosts. Wyatt and Lauren made us feel so at home. They gave us privacy, but they were always so happy when we would venture upstairs for visits! They cooked meals for us, invited us to their church, gave us suggestions for restaurants and shopping, and best of all, they adored Caleb! During a time when we were homesick and in desperate need of family, that's what they became for us! I grew to love them so much so quickly, and when it was time to go, I couldn't hold back the tears. I cried all the way to the airport after hugging this precious couple goodbye!
I am hoping for the opportunity to visit Wyatt, Lauren, Christy, Christy's family, and their church again soon! We were beyond touched by them all! That all happened about a year ago, and I still keep in touch with them!
Now, a year later, I'm typing this as my baby boy naps in the next room. He'll be a year old in a few short days, and we are constantly amazed by how the Lord brought us to this point!
On this day last year, I was connected with Christy, pastor's wife in NC. She had learned about our adoption through the grapevine. Actually, grapevine is completely wrong! It wasn't through the grapevine. It was through the power of the Holy Spirit working to connect people 1,000 miles apart! Christy told me exactly one year ago that she was going to reach out to her church family to see if anyone would be willing to open their home to complete strangers for 1-3 weeks! Oh, and these strangers would be bringing a newborn from the hospital, so there would need to be room for two brand new parents, the grandma, and the newborn! That's A LOT to ask!
But you know what?! People didn't hesitate! Less than 24 hours later, Christy texted that she had a home for us! Caleb wasn't due for over two more weeks, and the lady who was the first to volunteer her home was out of town but would return in a few days. No one thought that would be a problem! But then Caleb arrived two days later!
I called Christy after we got word that Caleb was on his way, and she quickly reached out to the others who had volunteered their homes as well. That's how we ended up with Wyatt and Lauren.
We were amazed that multiple families were so willing to open their homes to 3 adults and a baby for an uncertain amount of time, but that's what happens when God is involved!!
We hit the stinking jackpot with Wyatt and Lauren! They not only had a the perfect space for us, but they became the sweetest friends! They opened their basement to us, which was incredible! Plenty of space, our own kitchen and bathrooms, and it was soundproof, so we never had to worry that Caleb's newborn cries would disturb our hosts. Wyatt and Lauren made us feel so at home. They gave us privacy, but they were always so happy when we would venture upstairs for visits! They cooked meals for us, invited us to their church, gave us suggestions for restaurants and shopping, and best of all, they adored Caleb! During a time when we were homesick and in desperate need of family, that's what they became for us! I grew to love them so much so quickly, and when it was time to go, I couldn't hold back the tears. I cried all the way to the airport after hugging this precious couple goodbye!
I am hoping for the opportunity to visit Wyatt, Lauren, Christy, Christy's family, and their church again soon! We were beyond touched by them all! That all happened about a year ago, and I still keep in touch with them!
Now, a year later, I'm typing this as my baby boy naps in the next room. He'll be a year old in a few short days, and we are constantly amazed by how the Lord brought us to this point!
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