The Process From Here

Soooo many people have been asking me what comes next now that we're matched. Here's the process from this point.

Right now we are just waiting. Birth mama is currently dilated to a 4, but the due date is still 4 weeks away. Mama and baby are both healthy and strong though! Yay! We will get updates after each appointment until the baby comes. When active labor begins, our case worker will contact us, and we'll head to Charlotte.

We are going to drive. It's around 14ish hours, which I know is not convenient, but we feel that it's our best option for several reasons. First of all, we can't afford plane tickets. We now have an adoption loan to repay for the amount we were unable to raise/save. We weren't expecting our baby to be out of state. We now have to pay for travel, lodging, and food while there. We simply don't have money for airfare. In addition, to paying for airfare, we would have to pay for a rental car in NC. Driving means we'll have our vehicle all along. Driving also means we can pack more freely. We won't have to attempt to get everything into carry-ons or worry about lugging baby stuff through an airport. We'll just have more freedom this way. (Also, who wants airport germs around a newborn?!) So we're driving! It's going to be a long drive, and the drive home with an infant will take FOREVER, but it'll all work out!

When we arrive, we'll head to the hospital. There's a good chance the baby will already be born, and we'll meet him most likely in the nursery. I absolutely cannot wait for this magical moment! I am so excited to see our little boy for the first time, and I daydream about the first time I get to hold him all the time!

The birth mother has said she would like to meet us at the hospital. I'm very nervous and really have no idea what to even say to her. I run through this in my head constantly. How do I put into words my gratefulness for her decision to choose life? Her choice to choose us? Her selflessness? I know it will be a very tender moment that we'll remember forever, and I just pray she sees Jesus and His love through us. I'll love and pray for this woman for the rest of my life. Her desire is a closed adoption. After this one moment in the hospital, we will most likely never see her again. Our son will likely never meet her. I just pray that she has peace about this decision and can see how much we will love this baby boy.
Here's something that I'm asked A LOT, and I hate talking about....she could change her mind. After the baby is born, the birth mom will not be allowed to sign over her rights for 48 hours. The truth is we could get all the way there, hold a precious baby, fall in love, and then be told she changed her mind. We could leave and come home without a baby. I try not to dwell on this. Am I nervous? Yes. Am I scared? Yes. Am I worried? Yes. We're risking a lot. Time, money, travel, emotions, our hearts. I'm praying every day that we will leave the hospital with our baby boy. The birth mom has a hospital plan in place. She does not plan to see, hold, or care for the baby. She wants us to get to do all of that. I really believe everything will go perfectly, but there are no guarantees. We're so full of hope though!

48 hours after the birth, the birth mother will sign over her rights, and they are irrevocable. Many people do not realize this, but this WILL NOT make the adoption final. He will be placed in our custody. Over the course of about 6 months, we will have to have 5 post placement visits from our social worker, where she basically just checks in and ensures the baby is in a good home. Then the adoption can be finalized. Oh what a beautiful day that will be. He'll be OURS as soon as we see him, but it won't all be legally done until he's several months old. (But make no mistake, I'll be that boy's mama!)

After the birth mom signs over her rights, the baby will be discharged unless he needs to stay for additional observation for any reason. We will then begin the ICPC process, which will likely take at least a week, but possibly up to two weeks! (I've mentioned ICPC before, but basically this is the legal process that allows us to leave the state with the baby.) Yeah....we could be in a hotel for up to two weeks. See why flying is hard? We have to pay for up to two weeks of lodging and food, AND we won't have any idea when we'll be able to head home. Last minute flights are hard, so driving just makes sense!

We'll hang out in Charlotte for as long as ICPC takes. We'll love on our boy, enjoy our sweet answered prayer, venture out and explore the city some, and rest as much as possible. As soon as we get word that ICPC is finished and we're able to head home, we'll load up and start our long drive! When we get home we'll let our family and close friends love on him. My mom is thankfully making the trip with us. I can't imagine going through all of this without her. Every girl needs her husband and her mama when she's becoming a mama herself, so I'm so glad I'll still have them both even though it's so far away.

After our big North Caroline adventure, we'll MOVE into our house. (Goodness gracious, I'm tired just thinking about it all!) Then we'll settle down and spend the rest of our lives loving our son, teaching him about Jesus, and thanking God for our sweet miracle!

I've chosen to be very open about this entire journey for many reasons. I want everyone to able to celebrate with us! I want to share how God is working in our lives! And I want others to learn from our experience. Adoption is so hard. It's the most emotional journey of my life so far, but it is incredibly beautiful. It's all about people choosing and fighting for LIFE.

Please pray for all of this. It's overwhelming and stressful. I have silent fears. But I'm also incredibly happy and excited! We're leaning on God and his goodness and faithfulness!

My Head is Spinning

Last Friday, we got the call! It's now Wednesday, and my head is still spinning. There's so much to do, and everything is happening so quickly. I'm happier and more excited than words could ever describe, but I'm also incredibly overwhelmed. We weren't expecting North Carolina. In fact, we were originally working with an agency that works with ONLY Texas birth families. The other profiles we had viewed before NC were all in Dallas, San Antonio, Austin, and Corpus Christi. Now we're preparing to travel to Charlotte, North Carolina as soon as we get the call that she's in labor!

There are so many factors at play. Since we have no idea if our sweet boy will arrive today or in a few weeks, we obviously can't make travel plans yet. We don't know if we need to fly or drive. There are pros and cons to both. (The biggest determining factor is finances. Travel isn’t included in the $40,000 for adoption! Airfare/gas, lodging, meals...all extra!)

Another difficult factor is ICPC. This is the process of being able to leave the state with the baby. Our sweet boy will be born as a NC resident, and the process for an adoptive newborn to be able to become a resident of another state can take several days, or even 2 weeks! Yikes! Basically we can't leave NC until we've been cleared, so after the baby is discharged from the hospital, we'll have to stay in a hotel/airbnb for most likely as least a week or more. That's another added expense.

The final difficult aspect is my job. I work in a great district filled with wonderful people, and my students are incredible. I have the most amazing sub lined up, but at the end of the day, being gone for several weeks is hard. Preparing for at least 6 weeks of sub plans is very difficult. Pregnant women have nine months to prepare, and I don't! It was difficult to prepare before we were matched because we didn't know when or even IF we'd have a baby during the school year. I'm beyond overwhelmed by school right now. I know things will work out. I have a great sub, a wonderful aid, and fantastic teacher friends who will help things to fall into place. I'm sure of it, but it's still stressful!

I'm trying to get things ready to leave, but it's hard when I'm not finished with school plans and I don't know our mode of travel, so I don't know HOW to pack. I'm fully aware that I'm overthinking everything, but it's hard not to.

(Also, to throw another CRAZY kink in everything, we are buying a house! Yep! A few days before our match call, we signed a contract because, "Clearly we're not having a baby soon, so may as well get settled in a house." HA! The closing date and due date are the SAME DATE! February 28th! Yall, my only option is to trust God's plan. I've been saying all along that God's timing is best! I know it's true, but I never expected that His timing would be ALL AT ONCE!)

Seriously I go back and forth between laughing and crying because I'm so happy and overwhelmed. Life is so wonderful! God is SO great! We are thankful for everything!
PLEASE PRAY! Pray for the baby and birth mom. Pray for our nerves and sanity. And please pray for God's guidance as we make decisions.

North Carolina, Here We Come!

January 25, 2019 will forever be one of the best days of my entire life! At 7:56 pm, I got THE CALL, and my world forever changed! Here's how it all happened!

Last Monday night, I got a Facebook message from a wonderful man I've known for many years from church, Bro. Eddie Marsh. His heart beats big time for adoption and foster care, and he was messaging me to let me know about a Facebook post he saw from a young woman he has known for a long time. This woman recently adopted and was sharing that her agency was looking for a Texas family with an approved home study. THAT'S US! Bro. Eddie connected us, and this young woman gave me contact information for the adoption case worker at Colores Adoptions. (That's right, a different agency.)

This has happened several times. Someone sees a Facebook post, they think of me and send me info, I contact the person, and then nothing happens. I'm so incredibly grateful that people think to send me the information each time, but I had gotten used to those leading to dead ends, so when I sent the email Monday night saying we are a Texas family with an approved home study, I honestly didn't expect anything to happen. 

Boy was I wrong!!

I got an email back from Lindsay, the adoption worker, and she told me the info she needed, so I got busy. It was hectic. Our printer was out of paper. My computer wouldn't connect to it anyways. Austin's computer kept shutting down. But by the end of the night, I had all the necessary information sent back to Lindsay, and she said they'd be showing profiles to the birth mother in NORTH CAROLINA the next day. It almost felt like deja vu. Just a few weeks ago, we got a call about a baby in Dallas, got our hopes WAY up, heard that they would be showing the birth mother profiles, and then she chose another family. After Lindsay's email, I honestly didn't think anything would come from this. 

Fast forward to Friday! I've mentioned in an earlier post that I don't get any phone service in my classroom at school. NONE! So I walked out of school on Friday afternoon, and my phone started buzzing with a few notifications of things I had missed while I had been inside without service all day. I noticed a voicemail from an out of state number from 10:19 that morning. It was Lindsay! She was so casual on the phone and simply asked me to call her back, so I did. Then I had to leave her a message and sent her a text as well. I was dying!!! Surely there's no other reason she'd be calling than to tell me we were chosen. She texted back a little while later saying she'd call me later that evening. I'm not going to lie, my hopes diminished. I just really thought she was going to say something like the birth mother chose another family but that they would keep our information on file and let us know if something else comes up. 

Austin went to work. I watched tv for a little while. Then I headed to the YMCA to watch Sophie's basketball game. I got there about 15 minutes early and saw Brooke, Chad, Lillie, and Sophie sitting on the floor in a corner waiting for Soph's game. I sat down with them and started telling Brooke about the North Carolina situation. I was in the middle of my story when my phone rang. It was Lindsay! I got up and ran out of the gym and down a dark hallway of the Y. This is the moment when my whole world changed! Lindsay asked if I was ready to be a mama really soon because this was our baby! Tears filled my eyes, and I couldn't breathe! I was almost hyperventilating, and Lindsay was so sweet on the other end of the phone! She celebrated with me and told me to go tell Austin and we'd handle the details later!

Listen. If you happened to be at the YMCA gym last night and see a CRAZY lady RUNNING down the hall and into the gym with tears in her eyes and just start yelling...that was ME! I pray I never forget the look on Brooke's face as I ran around the corner to tell her it was now HER turn to be an aunt! Her eyes got so big, and shock filled her face. She was confused because I hadn't been able to even get the story out before Lindsay called! We were laughing with happiness when she said, "Wait! Do you know a gender?!" I happily responded, "It's a BOY!" 

For anyone who witnessed this all, I hope you were able to pick up on what was going on! I know I looked crazy, but oh well! I ran out of the gym and began calling Austin. I finally got ahold of him and told him our wonderful news! He didn't believe me! He totally thought I was kidding. I finally got it through to him that this was actually happening! We were able to get in touch with family and close friends, and there were so many tears and so much happiness! 

Our sweet Baby Boy Starkey will arrive any time now! He's due on February 28th, but the doctors said he should be making his grand entrance any day! Now we wait for the call telling us to hop on a plane to North Carolina and come meet our son! Oh my goodness! My head is still spinning! I'm overjoyed! I've prayed for this day, and God's fingerprints are all over this entire process! I'll explain all of that in another post on another day! For now, celebrate with us! Praise God for His goodness and faithfulness! Pray for and with us! Our sweet little boy will arrive in a matter of weeks or even days, and he's OURS! 

Garage Sale!

Our garage sale this past weekend was a HUGE success, and we will forever be grateful to every single person who donated, shopped, prayed, and encouraged us! God once again showed us how incredibly faithful He is! The forecast went back and forth all week, and we were afraid of storms, but we trucked right along! There was not a drop of rain all weekend! Friday was nice weather! Saturday was very cold and windy, but we still managed to raise over $2,200!!! Absolutely incredible! I'm thankful it's over because it was exhausting, but I'm also thankful that it happened!

All In One Hour

At 2:18 this afternoon I got a message from Austin telling me to call him.

Okay. So before I continue this story, I need to explain the communication problems we have! I get ZERO phone service in my classroom. I cannot make or receive any phone calls, and I can only send/receive iMessages to other iPhone users through wifi. Austin does not have an iPhone, so the only way we can communicate while I'm at school is through Facebook Messenger.

So when I saw the message from Austin, my heart just about jumped out of my chest. There were roughly 5 minutes left in class, so I rushed across the hall to the science teacher and asked her to keep an eye on my class. I told her I had to call Austin and it had something to do with the adoption. She was fabulous and told me to go.

I stepped outside and called him as soon as I got service again. He asked me what I thought about the text message...I hadn't gotten texts!! Finally they came through, and it was the adoption specialist. She messaged both of us telling us there was a drop in in Dallas yesterday. (In other words, the mother decided to place the baby for adoption after she gave birth at the hospital.) She gave us quick details in the message along with two pictures of a PRECIOUS baby boy and asked if we were interested.

I freaked out! I was pacing back and forth along the sidewalk outside the school. I was fighting tears, and I kept asking Austin what he thought. We had VERY little information. All we knew was gender, race, weight, and that there were some drugs in the baby's system. We agreed that we needed more information.

I could hear the bell ringing inside, which meant 7th period students were heading to my class. I hung up with Austin, went inside and told the teacher across from me what was going on. It was kind of a blur, but I think I was almost hyperventilating. I told her I needed to call the adoption specialist, so she took my kids, and I raced back outside. (My students had to think I was NUTS!)

I finally got ahold of the specialist. She told me all the information she had, which wasn't much. She said, "It's a leap of faith." She needed to know very quickly if we wanted to be considered by this birth mother because she was already looking at profiles. I was kind of confused. We both thought we were about to hop in the car and go meet our baby. We just didn't realize the mother was looking through profiles at the hospital. But I called Austin back and told him what I found out. We decided to take the leap. Minimal information. Just basic facts and 2 pictures of a beautiful baby boy. I texted the specialist and told her we wanted to be considered.

I then went back inside, wrangled my 8th graders, somehow managed to make use of the remaining time in class, and prayed nonstop in my head. I was rushing to leave after school, but before I could even get down the hall, we got a message at 3:25 saying the birth mother chose another family.

I cannot explain what happened inside of me. I rushed to my car trying so hard to fight the already streaming tears. Someone complimented my shirt on my way out, and I barely acknowledged them. I just couldn't stop. If I had stopped, I would have completely fallen apart. I got in the car and sobbed all the way home.

All in an hour I experienced surprise, panic, confusion, fear, hope, excitement, joy, sadness, and anger. You name it, and I felt it. This hit HARD. I saw a baby. A sweet, beautiful baby boy who needed a mommy and daddy. I pictured THAT BABY in MY ARMS. I wanted HIM. Tonight I'm feeling a little numb. I'm feeling downright sad. I'm even feeling a little empty. I don't know who is on their way to meet their new son right now, but I pray that they love him fiercely. I pray that they teach him about the love of Jesus. I pray they take care of him and always make sure he's safe.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart. Days like today nearly crush me. It's harder than I can ever describe. I am still completely confident that our baby is out there. He/she is coming. I know it. God is always good. I don't know why it must be a roller coaster, but all I can do is trust that God is preparing us for OUR baby. Things will fall into place. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe months from now. I have to cling to my faith that God is sovereign in all things.

Please continue to pray. Pray for this baby boy. Pray for the birth parents. Pray for his new adoptive parents. Pray for me and Austin. My heart hurts tonight. Austin is strong, but it's hard for him to not be able to make things better. Just pray!

January Fundraisers

A new month, a new year, and new fundraisers!

M&M's
I saw this idea online. We ordered a bunch of M&M mini tubes and many of our family and friends are taking a tube or a few. They get to eat the M&M's and then fill them with change! One tube can hold over $20 in quarters! I'm excited to see how much we raise in change! I've been saying that every penny helps, and this fundraiser is proving it!!

Noonday
I stumbled across Noonday a couple of months ago. They were a jewelry company with very unique pieces. They believe wholeheartedly in adoption, so they do a lot of adoption fundraisers. I didn't know a Noonday representative, but someone connected me on Facebook. This representative's name is Allison, and we have only communicated through Facebook and email, but she is so sweet. I can see her heart for adoption! (She has even adopted a PRECIOUS little boy from China!) This fundraiser will be online later in the month!

Yard Sale
We are planning the yard sale for spring break in March, but we have already started collecting items! Our garage is already FULL! It has been crazy to watch the donations come in! We are almost to our full capacity in our garage, so we're going to need another storage locations ASAP! Such a wonderful problem to have!!

God is hard at work! His fingerprints are all over this whole journey, and we are simply in awe!