All In One Hour

At 2:18 this afternoon I got a message from Austin telling me to call him.

Okay. So before I continue this story, I need to explain the communication problems we have! I get ZERO phone service in my classroom. I cannot make or receive any phone calls, and I can only send/receive iMessages to other iPhone users through wifi. Austin does not have an iPhone, so the only way we can communicate while I'm at school is through Facebook Messenger.

So when I saw the message from Austin, my heart just about jumped out of my chest. There were roughly 5 minutes left in class, so I rushed across the hall to the science teacher and asked her to keep an eye on my class. I told her I had to call Austin and it had something to do with the adoption. She was fabulous and told me to go.

I stepped outside and called him as soon as I got service again. He asked me what I thought about the text message...I hadn't gotten texts!! Finally they came through, and it was the adoption specialist. She messaged both of us telling us there was a drop in in Dallas yesterday. (In other words, the mother decided to place the baby for adoption after she gave birth at the hospital.) She gave us quick details in the message along with two pictures of a PRECIOUS baby boy and asked if we were interested.

I freaked out! I was pacing back and forth along the sidewalk outside the school. I was fighting tears, and I kept asking Austin what he thought. We had VERY little information. All we knew was gender, race, weight, and that there were some drugs in the baby's system. We agreed that we needed more information.

I could hear the bell ringing inside, which meant 7th period students were heading to my class. I hung up with Austin, went inside and told the teacher across from me what was going on. It was kind of a blur, but I think I was almost hyperventilating. I told her I needed to call the adoption specialist, so she took my kids, and I raced back outside. (My students had to think I was NUTS!)

I finally got ahold of the specialist. She told me all the information she had, which wasn't much. She said, "It's a leap of faith." She needed to know very quickly if we wanted to be considered by this birth mother because she was already looking at profiles. I was kind of confused. We both thought we were about to hop in the car and go meet our baby. We just didn't realize the mother was looking through profiles at the hospital. But I called Austin back and told him what I found out. We decided to take the leap. Minimal information. Just basic facts and 2 pictures of a beautiful baby boy. I texted the specialist and told her we wanted to be considered.

I then went back inside, wrangled my 8th graders, somehow managed to make use of the remaining time in class, and prayed nonstop in my head. I was rushing to leave after school, but before I could even get down the hall, we got a message at 3:25 saying the birth mother chose another family.

I cannot explain what happened inside of me. I rushed to my car trying so hard to fight the already streaming tears. Someone complimented my shirt on my way out, and I barely acknowledged them. I just couldn't stop. If I had stopped, I would have completely fallen apart. I got in the car and sobbed all the way home.

All in an hour I experienced surprise, panic, confusion, fear, hope, excitement, joy, sadness, and anger. You name it, and I felt it. This hit HARD. I saw a baby. A sweet, beautiful baby boy who needed a mommy and daddy. I pictured THAT BABY in MY ARMS. I wanted HIM. Tonight I'm feeling a little numb. I'm feeling downright sad. I'm even feeling a little empty. I don't know who is on their way to meet their new son right now, but I pray that they love him fiercely. I pray that they teach him about the love of Jesus. I pray they take care of him and always make sure he's safe.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart. Days like today nearly crush me. It's harder than I can ever describe. I am still completely confident that our baby is out there. He/she is coming. I know it. God is always good. I don't know why it must be a roller coaster, but all I can do is trust that God is preparing us for OUR baby. Things will fall into place. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe months from now. I have to cling to my faith that God is sovereign in all things.

Please continue to pray. Pray for this baby boy. Pray for the birth parents. Pray for his new adoptive parents. Pray for me and Austin. My heart hurts tonight. Austin is strong, but it's hard for him to not be able to make things better. Just pray!