I've been so guilty of wishing things could just work out the way I plan. I grieve for my own plans when they seem to go down the drain, and I all too often forget what I got instead of MY plans! I got HIS plans!
2018 was a very rough year. A miscarriage, medical issues, surgery, lots of negative pregnancy tests, many doctor visits, and so much more. I didn't understand why we lost a baby. I didn't understand why I was seeing negative test after negative test after negative test. I didn't understand why my summer break was spent in so much physical pain and surgery. I didn't understand why several birth mothers viewed our adoption profile and then said no to us. I didn't get it! It seemed so unfair, and there's no telling how many times I wept and begged God to make all the struggles go away and send us a child!
But here's the thing, if everything had worked out, we wouldn't have Caleb.
When I think about that thought, it takes my breath away. I do not want to think for even a second about a life without this sweet baby boy.
The fact is that so many of our struggles led us to adoption.
Adoption led us to nine birth mothers.
Eight of those chose other families.
All of that led up to Caleb's birth mom (first mama) to choose US! Then our world changed for the better, and we brought home the most perfect little boy!
Now I get to snuggle a precious baby.
Now I get to listen to sweet little babbles.
Now I get to act like a fool in hopes of making a 2 month old laugh.
Now I get to love on and be a forever mommy to sweet baby Caleb!
I'm so incredibly thankful that everything didn't work out!
Thursday, April 25, 2019
Friday, April 12, 2019
2 Months
Tomorrow Caleb will be 2 months old, and I'm in shock! I don't understand how time passes so quickly. In some ways the February 13th phone call informing us that our son was on his way seems so long ago, but in other ways it seems like yesterday!
Some quick updates!
We will have our second of five post placement visits next week on April 19th. (I practically begged the social worker to come on Good Friday because I was off work and have already lost SO much money due to unpaid maternity leave, so taking off any days is extremely difficult now. Thankfully she agreed!)
I spoke with an attorney already about finalization! It's still too early to actually form a plan, but I wanted to reach out because I know an attorney and wanted to see if she would be able to help us. For all my Palmer friends, most probably know Stacey Martin! I'm so excited and thankful that she is going to be handling this for us! Not only does she know our hearts and all it has taken to bring Caleb into our family, but she is also doing what she can to save us a bunch of money, which is absolutely amazing! It is extra special to have a family friend walk us through the remainder of this journey!
But like I said, I don't have any details about finalization yet, but sometime in the next few months, I'm hoping August or September, Caleb will become a Starkey on paper, and he will LEGALLY be our son! HOORAY!
I'm already thinking about the celebration we will have when Caleb is officially adopted! Not only do I want family to come to the court date to witness this sweet boy legally become our own, but I want to have a little (or big, idk!) party afterward to celebrate with our VILLAGE! I've seen the cutest ideas on Pinterest, and I'm so excited to make this a reality in a few months!
Finally to catch you up on the emotional roller coaster of adoption!
I'm extremely emotional as it is, but then you throw in adoption, I'm just a blubbering mess practically all the time! However, my emotions have definitely started to level out now that life has settled down and we have gotten back into some sort of a routine! I'm still in complete awe each and every day that Caleb is really here! I still cry simply because I look at him and he's just sooo sweet. But what still gets to me the most is when I think about the alternatives to adoption for birth parents. The choices they could have made. It hits me out of nowhere sometimes, and I just have to pause for a moment and thank God that Caleb's first mama chose LIFE! Not only did she choose life for Caleb, but she entrusted his sweet life with me and Austin, and that is just the greatest privilege we've ever been given. For another woman to allow us to love this boy as our own is excruciatingly heartbreaking and humbling and beautiful all at once. It's hard to really describe, but if you or someone close to you has adopted before, you get it!
Thank you for being part of our village and for supporting us in countless ways! We are so grateful, and Caleb is the most loved little boy I've ever known!
Some quick updates!
We will have our second of five post placement visits next week on April 19th. (I practically begged the social worker to come on Good Friday because I was off work and have already lost SO much money due to unpaid maternity leave, so taking off any days is extremely difficult now. Thankfully she agreed!)
I spoke with an attorney already about finalization! It's still too early to actually form a plan, but I wanted to reach out because I know an attorney and wanted to see if she would be able to help us. For all my Palmer friends, most probably know Stacey Martin! I'm so excited and thankful that she is going to be handling this for us! Not only does she know our hearts and all it has taken to bring Caleb into our family, but she is also doing what she can to save us a bunch of money, which is absolutely amazing! It is extra special to have a family friend walk us through the remainder of this journey!
But like I said, I don't have any details about finalization yet, but sometime in the next few months, I'm hoping August or September, Caleb will become a Starkey on paper, and he will LEGALLY be our son! HOORAY!
I'm already thinking about the celebration we will have when Caleb is officially adopted! Not only do I want family to come to the court date to witness this sweet boy legally become our own, but I want to have a little (or big, idk!) party afterward to celebrate with our VILLAGE! I've seen the cutest ideas on Pinterest, and I'm so excited to make this a reality in a few months!
Finally to catch you up on the emotional roller coaster of adoption!
I'm extremely emotional as it is, but then you throw in adoption, I'm just a blubbering mess practically all the time! However, my emotions have definitely started to level out now that life has settled down and we have gotten back into some sort of a routine! I'm still in complete awe each and every day that Caleb is really here! I still cry simply because I look at him and he's just sooo sweet. But what still gets to me the most is when I think about the alternatives to adoption for birth parents. The choices they could have made. It hits me out of nowhere sometimes, and I just have to pause for a moment and thank God that Caleb's first mama chose LIFE! Not only did she choose life for Caleb, but she entrusted his sweet life with me and Austin, and that is just the greatest privilege we've ever been given. For another woman to allow us to love this boy as our own is excruciatingly heartbreaking and humbling and beautiful all at once. It's hard to really describe, but if you or someone close to you has adopted before, you get it!
Thank you for being part of our village and for supporting us in countless ways! We are so grateful, and Caleb is the most loved little boy I've ever known!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)