If Everything Had Worked Out

I've been so guilty of wishing things could just work out the way I plan. I grieve for my own plans when they seem to go down the drain, and I all too often forget what I got instead of MY plans! I got HIS plans!

2018 was a very rough year. A miscarriage, medical issues, surgery, lots of negative pregnancy tests, many doctor visits, and so much more. I didn't understand why we lost a baby. I didn't understand why I was seeing negative test after negative test after negative test. I didn't understand why my summer break was spent in so much physical pain and surgery. I didn't understand why several birth mothers viewed our adoption profile and then said no to us. I didn't get it! It seemed so unfair, and there's no telling how many times I wept and begged God to make all the struggles go away and send us a child!

But here's the thing, if everything had worked out, we wouldn't have Caleb.

When I think about that thought, it takes my breath away. I do not want to think for even a second about a life without this sweet baby boy.

The fact is that so many of our struggles led us to adoption.
Adoption led us to nine birth mothers.
Eight of those chose other families.
All of that led up to Caleb's birth mom (first mama) to choose US! Then our world changed for the better, and we brought home the most perfect little boy!

Now I get to snuggle a precious baby.
Now I get to listen to sweet little babbles.
Now I get to act like a fool in hopes of making a 2 month old laugh.
Now I get to love on and be a forever mommy to sweet baby Caleb!
I'm so incredibly thankful that everything didn't work out!