Wonderfully Awful

My cousin, Brandy, and I were texting back and forth a few weeks ago about our children. Between the two of us, we have four boys ages 3 and down! Noah-3, Judah-almost 2, Caleb-1, Micah-almost 1. A few weeks ago I sent Brandy a picture of Caleb in his first birthday outfit, and we went back and forth about how adorable he is and how we couldn't believe he was about to be a year old. Then we discussed how bittersweet it is to watch them all grow up. We talked about how motherhood is awful and wonderful all the same time. Brandy said, "Wonderfully awful. That needs to be the title of your next blog post!" Haha! So here it is!

I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom! I love kids of all ages, and I always thought I was pretty good with kids. I worked with them at church, babysat, and became a teacher. I spoiled all the children in my life, and I had quite a bit of experience with children from birth to teenagers by the time I actually became a mom. I honestly thought I knew what to expect!

HAHAHAHA!

Yeah, I didn't! Sure, I was already a pro at changing diapers, and I had that natural baby hold/rock/bounce thing most moms have. Spit up didn't bother me, and I had learned some tricks for quieting a screaming baby. Blah, blah, blah. I was good with babies, but motherhood was a whole new beast.

I wasn't prepared for the wonderfully awful aspect of motherhood!

Like when you wake up to a wall of STANK coming from your infant's room, and you walk in to find a poop catastrophe E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E.
Like when your baby screams every.single.time he's in the car. Like uncontrollable, top of his lungs, how is he even producing this sound kind of screaming.
Like when you look in your rearview mirror to find your toddler EATING HIS POOP. (Stolen from Brandy!)
Like when you try to give your child a fresh cup with a drink inside, but he insists on keeping the old cup. And he wants it empty.
Like when you are being very stern and getting on to your toddler, and he laughs at you.
Like when spit up is in your hair or on your shirt for four months straight.
Like when your baby gets really sick for the first time.
Like when you're losing your mind because you just need to get out of the house and talk to grown-ups, but your sick baby just wants to snuggle with mom while he drips snot all over you.
Like when you have to help nurses restrain your perfect little boy while they repeatedly attempt to start an IV because he's so dehydrated.
Like when tears are streaming down your cheeks because you know he'll soon forget this pain, but you'll remember this moment forever, and you'd give anything to take his pain away.
Like when you rock his precious little sleeping body and you suddenly realize he'll never be this little again.
Like when you listen to his giggle and wish so badly you could bottle up this moment to save forever!
Like when you see him take his first steps, and you know his world just got bigger, and you want so badly to protect him from it!
Like when you sit through graduations of older children, and someone says, "That'll be yours in the blink of an eye." And you want to hit the person and thank them for reminding you to treasure each moment all at once!
Like when you put him in his crib at night and look down at him and think, "One day you'll be gone from this house and in one of your own with a family, so I'm going to pick you back up and snuggle you a bit longer tonight."
Like when you pray for your little one and talk to him about Jesus even at a young age when he doesn't understand, and you realize that as much as you love that tiny little boy, His Creator loves Him EVEN MORE.

Y'all, it's wonderful to watch. And it's awful on your heart and emotions in the best possible way! The task of raising tiny little babies into strong, bold, and faithful men and women is huge. Saying, "it goes too fast," is so cliche, but it's TRUE! Austin and I are just one year in, but this one year has been the fastest of our lives. Motherhood is hard. It's messy. It's exhausting. It's filled with smells and all kinds of bodily fluids. It's awful! But goodness, it sure is wonderful!