Separated.

 Well, it's been awhile. Almost a year. So much has happened and changed within the last year. 

The biggest change is that Austin and I are separated. Ugh, I hate typing that. It's awful, but unfortunately it's true. Austin moved out on August 3, 2022, and today, March 22, 2023, we are still separated. 

So many things contributed to this separation, and I won't go into all the details. However, I will say that mental health struggles were at the top of the list of issues in our marriage. My mental health declined drastically after my hysterectomy for so many reasons, and it impacted our marriage in a huge way. 

The past 7 1/2 months have been, by far, the hardest of my life. I thought the days of mourning and depression following the hysterectomy were bad, but they don't compare to the pain I've experienced recently. It's been truly terrible. My heart has been overwhelmed with grief, anger, and sadness over this temporary loss of my marriage. I miss my husband more than I could ever describe, and I honestly don't know how to heal what has been broken.

I am wholeheartedly praying for reconciliation. I want it for myself and Austin, but I want it even more for Caleb. In his short 4 years of life, he has already been through so much, and he doesn't even realize it yet. He does not need his parents to split up. He deserves a happy and thriving family, and it's my goal to give it to him.

This has been such a difficult season of life, and I long for it to be over so badly. I want my family back together and my marriage to be healed. Only the Lord knows what lies ahead, and I'm trusting in His perfect will and timing.