Excitement!
Since we decided to adopt, I've been more than excited! I've been so overjoyed at the thought of becoming a mom! I've wanted to have children since I was a child myself, and I can remember dreaming of the days when I would have a husband and kids! Now I have the most incredible husband who loves me with a deep, Christ-like love, and children are on the horizon! I can't wait to decorate a nursery, hold a baby, comfort him/her as they cry, teach them about Jesus, and play! I'm SO excited!
Overwhelmed.
There are SO MANY steps to this process. The costs are outrageous. There are many unknowns. We really don't have many answers yet. The "what-ifs" can really weigh on me. What if we can't raise much money? What if we have to take out a loan? What if the home study doesn't go well for some reason? What if no birth mother wants to choose us? What if a birth mother does choose us but changes her mind at the last minute...after we've gone to the hospital, car seat strapped in and diaper bag in hand? The fact is we don't know how everything will happen, but we have to trust that God is in control of every single step.
Peace
Even when I'm nervous about how things will work, I know this is what God is leading us to do! I truly don't have a clue how funds will come together, but knowing who MY GOD is helps me to trust that it's all going to be okay.
Frustration
I've said to my husband numerous times, "It's not fair!" Honestly, I stand by that frustration that things aren't fair. It's NOT fair that it has been a struggle to conceive a baby. It's NOT fair that adoption is outrageously expensive. It's NOT fair that everywhere I turn I see baby announcements and gender reveals. It's NOT fair that I have to fundraise and possibly even take out a loan so that I can become a mom while others get pregnant left and right! I get so frustrated with ALL of these things, but in those moments of frustration, the Lord reminds me that I get to take a baby out of possibly a really rough environment. I get to mother a child without having to go through morning sickness, exhaustion, and hours of labor. I get to bring a baby into a loving home who may not otherwise ever know a loving home. I get to teach a little one about Jesus who may not have had that opportunity without us. I GET TO!
Hope
I have so much hope for the baby we will bring home! I can't wait to see all the joy this little one brings to our lives! I definitely hope and pray that we will one day have biological children, but I know that God is going to provide us with the opportunity to become parents one way or another because He is good, and He fulfills His promises. Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." I know the desire to have a baby is a desire the Lord has placed within my heart, and I believe He intends to fulfill it.
Tuesday, October 30, 2018
Seriously, Why Is This So Expensive?
$38,000-$40,000
That's a ridiculous amount of money, and honestly, I think it's an UNFAIR amount of money. In order to adopt an infant through a private agency, this is about how much it costs. It's sheer insanity!
The numbers take my breath away, and I wonder frequently how we're going to do this. In case anyone has forgotten, I'm a teacher, and Austin is a police officer. We both LOVE our jobs, and there is nothing either of us would rather do. Our careers provide steady paychecks, and we are able to live comfortably. We are so incredibly grateful for jobs we love and the reliable income we're able to bring home. However, this may surprise you, but we do not have an extra $40,000 lying around! Who does?! It's unrealistic to think the average family can easily shell out that much money in order to adopt a newborn.
Since we aren't just rolling in the dough, that means our options are: 1. Apply for grants, which you have a SLIM chance of receiving, 2. Take out a loan that will end up being basically a third car payment, 3. Fundraise.
All of these options are SO HARD! We are going to apply for any grants we possibly can, but we must have a completed home study before we can apply. (Our home study won't be complete until around mid December.) After the home study, in order to move to the waiting families list, we must provide a confirmation of funds to our agency. We don't have to actually pay up front, but we have to show that we have the money up front. In other words, we need about $40,000 as soon as the home study is over, which means grants most likely will not work for us. We will try anyways!
No one wants loans! We certainly don't! However, we are willing to do what it takes to bring our baby home. However, we will soon be building a house. We're currently crunching numbers to make sure we can afford a mortgage, our current monthly bills, a child, AND an adoption loan payment. We're committed to making it work, which means we will make the necessary sacrifices. We may have to wait on building our house! Right now, we really don't know!
Fundraising is so difficult! I hate asking for financial help, even through fundraisers. We started our t-shirt fundraiser and raised over $400. Our puzzle fundraiser is ongoing, and so far we've raised about $400 with that. We've had a few others donate, and we are putting together an online auction. We have several items donated for that already, but as of right now, I really have no idea how the auction is going to go. We are so grateful to every single person who has donated money, items to donate, and time to help us. Every penny helps!
Trying to raise such a large amount is overwhelming and daunting. Some days I feel like we're not going to get anywhere close to our goal, and other days I feel encouraged by the support of so many family members and friends! I have absolutely NO idea how the money is going to come together. A loan may be our only option. All I DO KNOW is that our God is GOOD. We believe that He wouldn't call us to do something that He had no intentions of making happen! We're trusting His will and sovereignty over all things, and we know the entire process will come together in His timing!
That's a ridiculous amount of money, and honestly, I think it's an UNFAIR amount of money. In order to adopt an infant through a private agency, this is about how much it costs. It's sheer insanity!
The numbers take my breath away, and I wonder frequently how we're going to do this. In case anyone has forgotten, I'm a teacher, and Austin is a police officer. We both LOVE our jobs, and there is nothing either of us would rather do. Our careers provide steady paychecks, and we are able to live comfortably. We are so incredibly grateful for jobs we love and the reliable income we're able to bring home. However, this may surprise you, but we do not have an extra $40,000 lying around! Who does?! It's unrealistic to think the average family can easily shell out that much money in order to adopt a newborn.
Since we aren't just rolling in the dough, that means our options are: 1. Apply for grants, which you have a SLIM chance of receiving, 2. Take out a loan that will end up being basically a third car payment, 3. Fundraise.
All of these options are SO HARD! We are going to apply for any grants we possibly can, but we must have a completed home study before we can apply. (Our home study won't be complete until around mid December.) After the home study, in order to move to the waiting families list, we must provide a confirmation of funds to our agency. We don't have to actually pay up front, but we have to show that we have the money up front. In other words, we need about $40,000 as soon as the home study is over, which means grants most likely will not work for us. We will try anyways!
No one wants loans! We certainly don't! However, we are willing to do what it takes to bring our baby home. However, we will soon be building a house. We're currently crunching numbers to make sure we can afford a mortgage, our current monthly bills, a child, AND an adoption loan payment. We're committed to making it work, which means we will make the necessary sacrifices. We may have to wait on building our house! Right now, we really don't know!
Fundraising is so difficult! I hate asking for financial help, even through fundraisers. We started our t-shirt fundraiser and raised over $400. Our puzzle fundraiser is ongoing, and so far we've raised about $400 with that. We've had a few others donate, and we are putting together an online auction. We have several items donated for that already, but as of right now, I really have no idea how the auction is going to go. We are so grateful to every single person who has donated money, items to donate, and time to help us. Every penny helps!
Trying to raise such a large amount is overwhelming and daunting. Some days I feel like we're not going to get anywhere close to our goal, and other days I feel encouraged by the support of so many family members and friends! I have absolutely NO idea how the money is going to come together. A loan may be our only option. All I DO KNOW is that our God is GOOD. We believe that He wouldn't call us to do something that He had no intentions of making happen! We're trusting His will and sovereignty over all things, and we know the entire process will come together in His timing!
Friday, October 26, 2018
The Journey to Home Study
As of yesterday, we have a date set for our home visit/interview with a social worker! ONE STEP CLOSER!
Before we began this process, we really didn't know what all would be involved! Well, it's A LOT! I'll catch you up on the major events that led us to where we are now!
1. Adoption agency research: This was a struggle because so many agencies have different requirements to be able to adopt through them, and the one that seemed to stop us repeatedly was a marriage length requirement. The majority that we researched required couples to have been married for at least two years. Some require 3-5 years! We understand that agencies want to ensure that babies are going to stable homes, but it was disheartening to be told no over and over again! Finally we found Texas Adoption Center, and they did not have the marriage length requirement, AND some of their fees were substantially less than other agencies! Ding, ding, ding...We have a winner! Not only did the requirements and costs draw us in, but the agency was very prompt and open with their communication and information!
2. Gender/Race Preferences: So...we had never thought about any other races than our own while discussing adoption. We just assumed we would adopt a Caucasian baby. We had no real reasons for it; that's just what we were planning. Then the agency informed us that they were not accepting any additional couples who had gender or race preferences. We didn't have a gender preference, but we had to discuss race. I am a teacher, and I have taught students of MANY different races. White, black, Hispanic, Asian, Middle Eastern, and more. I love children and people in general because of who they are, not because of race. My husband is a police officer. He deals with all races every day and treats every person the same, no matter their skin color or ethnic background. However, we had never thought about having a child of our own of another race. We discussed the challenges that it would bring. Not only would our child potentially struggle throughout his/her childhood with the fact that he/she was adopted, but they would also look VERY different than us. If we do ever have biological children, would the fact that our adopted child is of a different race present extra challenges because they don't look anything like his/her mom, dad, and siblings? We just had so many questions, and then my dad said something that stopped me in my tracks. He said, "You feel that God is leading you to adopt. Are you going to put limits on God?" Wow. Austin and I discussed that statement and prayed about it. Are we willing to go against God's will for our lives because we're afraid that we won't know how to handle the potential questions our child may have? NO! If God is calling us to do this, He will prepare us and give us the tools to follow! So I emailed the agency worker and said, "We're ready for the next steps!"
3. Home Study: So before we began this journey, I thought the home study was simply a visit to our home where they check to see how clean and safe it is. That's only PART of it! It's also an audit of who you are as people! After submitting our home study application and fee, we received a checklist of documents we had to submit. Proof of employment/salary, photos of our home, tax returns, background checks, fingerprinting, floor plans with dimensions of our home, birth certificates, drivers licenses, socials, marriage license, reference letters, a physicians statement of overall health, and MORE! It was a lengthy list, and the agency worker said it's all in our timing. However long we took to collect and submit documents was up to us, and after we did all of that, they would schedule the home visit. I got busy! We scheduled fingerprints, and doctor appointments, and I started scanning documents like a crazy lady!
4. The Doctor Visit: This was frustrating! First of all, my doctor could not see me for a well visit until DECEMBER! This was mid October! Umm, no! Austin started calling other clinics to see if they would do our adoption physicals. Apparently not all doctors do this! He finally found one that would! Hallelujah! We went on a Saturday in pouring rain and a TORNADO! (But that's another story for another time!) They told us they needed blood work, but they couldn't do it that day because we had eaten breakfast recently, and we needed to fast for 8 hours beforehand. (Darn you, biscuits & gravy!) We made plans to both take off work the following Monday and go have our blood work done. A couple of days later, I got a call that my blood work was abnormal, and they wanted to run additional tests on the blood they'd already taken, AND they said I needed to come back in a month to have my blood checked again. They said they wouldn't sign off on our adoption form until the next tests in a month, as long as levels were better. Noooo! I couldn't hold back my tears as I was still on the phone with the nurse. I was so upset that we had to wait a month! After MANY tears and lots of consolation from my sweet husband, we accepted this and carried on. Well...three days later, I got another call from the doctor saying the additional tests on the blood from earlier that week came back all clear. After I questioned some more about having to wait, I found out that the nurse had been confused, and we WOULD NOT have to wait another month! They said we could bring our forms in, and they'd sign! I was ecstatic! We were back on track!
5. Home Study Documents: The next Monday, Austin went and had our doctor forms signed, and we spent that evening scanning the rest of our documents and submitting them! Our part was DONE!
6. Home Visit Date: Within two days, the agency had reviewed all of our documents, references, and the background checks were back. Everything was perfect, and it was time to schedule the home visit/interview! The home study writer contacted me, and we scheduled the visit for November 14th! I also found out that the home visit for private adoption is much different and less strict than the home visit for foster care. (We had heard about how crazy it was from friends who foster, and we were nervous!) This relieved a lot of stress!
So that's where we are! Less than three weeks away from our home visit/interview, and we are that much closer to Baby Starkey! I'm spending all of my free time working on fundraisers and working on our profile book that birth mothers will see. My thoughts are consumed by a child we've never met and may not even exist yet! But I know he/she WILL! I know there is a child that is going to be born and meant for US! He/she is already meant to be a Starkey, and we can't wait to be his/her mommy and daddy!
Before we began this process, we really didn't know what all would be involved! Well, it's A LOT! I'll catch you up on the major events that led us to where we are now!
1. Adoption agency research: This was a struggle because so many agencies have different requirements to be able to adopt through them, and the one that seemed to stop us repeatedly was a marriage length requirement. The majority that we researched required couples to have been married for at least two years. Some require 3-5 years! We understand that agencies want to ensure that babies are going to stable homes, but it was disheartening to be told no over and over again! Finally we found Texas Adoption Center, and they did not have the marriage length requirement, AND some of their fees were substantially less than other agencies! Ding, ding, ding...We have a winner! Not only did the requirements and costs draw us in, but the agency was very prompt and open with their communication and information!
2. Gender/Race Preferences: So...we had never thought about any other races than our own while discussing adoption. We just assumed we would adopt a Caucasian baby. We had no real reasons for it; that's just what we were planning. Then the agency informed us that they were not accepting any additional couples who had gender or race preferences. We didn't have a gender preference, but we had to discuss race. I am a teacher, and I have taught students of MANY different races. White, black, Hispanic, Asian, Middle Eastern, and more. I love children and people in general because of who they are, not because of race. My husband is a police officer. He deals with all races every day and treats every person the same, no matter their skin color or ethnic background. However, we had never thought about having a child of our own of another race. We discussed the challenges that it would bring. Not only would our child potentially struggle throughout his/her childhood with the fact that he/she was adopted, but they would also look VERY different than us. If we do ever have biological children, would the fact that our adopted child is of a different race present extra challenges because they don't look anything like his/her mom, dad, and siblings? We just had so many questions, and then my dad said something that stopped me in my tracks. He said, "You feel that God is leading you to adopt. Are you going to put limits on God?" Wow. Austin and I discussed that statement and prayed about it. Are we willing to go against God's will for our lives because we're afraid that we won't know how to handle the potential questions our child may have? NO! If God is calling us to do this, He will prepare us and give us the tools to follow! So I emailed the agency worker and said, "We're ready for the next steps!"
3. Home Study: So before we began this journey, I thought the home study was simply a visit to our home where they check to see how clean and safe it is. That's only PART of it! It's also an audit of who you are as people! After submitting our home study application and fee, we received a checklist of documents we had to submit. Proof of employment/salary, photos of our home, tax returns, background checks, fingerprinting, floor plans with dimensions of our home, birth certificates, drivers licenses, socials, marriage license, reference letters, a physicians statement of overall health, and MORE! It was a lengthy list, and the agency worker said it's all in our timing. However long we took to collect and submit documents was up to us, and after we did all of that, they would schedule the home visit. I got busy! We scheduled fingerprints, and doctor appointments, and I started scanning documents like a crazy lady!
4. The Doctor Visit: This was frustrating! First of all, my doctor could not see me for a well visit until DECEMBER! This was mid October! Umm, no! Austin started calling other clinics to see if they would do our adoption physicals. Apparently not all doctors do this! He finally found one that would! Hallelujah! We went on a Saturday in pouring rain and a TORNADO! (But that's another story for another time!) They told us they needed blood work, but they couldn't do it that day because we had eaten breakfast recently, and we needed to fast for 8 hours beforehand. (Darn you, biscuits & gravy!) We made plans to both take off work the following Monday and go have our blood work done. A couple of days later, I got a call that my blood work was abnormal, and they wanted to run additional tests on the blood they'd already taken, AND they said I needed to come back in a month to have my blood checked again. They said they wouldn't sign off on our adoption form until the next tests in a month, as long as levels were better. Noooo! I couldn't hold back my tears as I was still on the phone with the nurse. I was so upset that we had to wait a month! After MANY tears and lots of consolation from my sweet husband, we accepted this and carried on. Well...three days later, I got another call from the doctor saying the additional tests on the blood from earlier that week came back all clear. After I questioned some more about having to wait, I found out that the nurse had been confused, and we WOULD NOT have to wait another month! They said we could bring our forms in, and they'd sign! I was ecstatic! We were back on track!
5. Home Study Documents: The next Monday, Austin went and had our doctor forms signed, and we spent that evening scanning the rest of our documents and submitting them! Our part was DONE!
6. Home Visit Date: Within two days, the agency had reviewed all of our documents, references, and the background checks were back. Everything was perfect, and it was time to schedule the home visit/interview! The home study writer contacted me, and we scheduled the visit for November 14th! I also found out that the home visit for private adoption is much different and less strict than the home visit for foster care. (We had heard about how crazy it was from friends who foster, and we were nervous!) This relieved a lot of stress!
So that's where we are! Less than three weeks away from our home visit/interview, and we are that much closer to Baby Starkey! I'm spending all of my free time working on fundraisers and working on our profile book that birth mothers will see. My thoughts are consumed by a child we've never met and may not even exist yet! But I know he/she WILL! I know there is a child that is going to be born and meant for US! He/she is already meant to be a Starkey, and we can't wait to be his/her mommy and daddy!
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
Why Adoption?
My husband, Austin, and I recently got married. The year that we spent dating and engaged was the best year of my life! Hands down! I fell in love with that man very quickly, and I think most people who knew us knew we'd end up married! Everything was so easy and wonderful! He was everything I'd ever prayed for and SO MUCH MORE! When March 3, 2018 arrived, I remember watching our wedding ceremony from the "Cry Room" of my church, where I could see and hear the processional start! My dad and I were standing in the room, and he asked me, half jokingly, half seriously, "Are you sure?" He knew the answer, and he knew Austin was a good man, but he had to give his daughter one last moment to think about the commitment she was about to make. Without hesitation, I confidently said yes! I couldn't wait to walk down that aisle and marry the man God had been preparing specifically for me!
March 3rd was the best day, and I will cherish every moment for the rest of my life! We went on our honeymoon the next day, and had a great week! Then we returned and spent the next week getting me moved into the apartment and getting things organized. Then it was back to real life!
Real life got hard very quickly. The perfect year of dating and engagement, the beautiful wedding, and the relaxing honeymoon all ended when we unexpectedly found out we were expecting and losing a baby all at once. My world stopped. My heart sank. My soul wept.
There is nothing that can describe the pain, shock, anger, and confusion I experienced during this time. Anyone who has gone through a miscarriage understands. We had not been planning to wait a long time to begin having children, but the miscarriage made me want a baby even more! We decided to go ahead and start our family sooner than originally planned.
No one tells you that pregnancy may not be instant. No one tells you that it takes normal, healthy couples an average of 6 months to conceive. Every month, my hopes would get up...and then they would come crashing down.
That summer, I began having some issues and ended up having surgery. It was a minor day surgery, and we and the doctor were convinced that the surgery would solve the problem!
It didn't.
I was experiencing pain that would make simply getting out of bed unbearable at times. I passed out from the pain twice, and each day was unpredictable. Some days were okay, and some were excruciating. I spent so much time in bed and on the couch. After countless doctor visits, an ER trip, and surgery, we were at a loss as to what to do next.
In addition to the physical pain, my emotions were wreaking havoc. My doctor suggested a treatment to help with the pain, but it would mean saying goodbye to the chances of getting pregnant anytime soon. He brought up fertility testing and treatments...I was overwhelmed. I'll spare you the personal details, but in the end, the outlook of pregnancy was looking dim. It was as if I had to choose between living without pain and having a baby. Anxiety was building, tears wouldn't stop flowing, and I didn't know what to do.
Adoption.
We had discussed adoption before we got married, but we weren't sure if we would ever actually do it. We started casually talking about it again, and then I starting researching our options. We had been praying for a child together and separately. We'd pray together at night before bed, and I'd pray periodically throughout each day, each time asking God, "Please give us a baby." I didn't specifically pray to get pregnant...I prayed for a baby. I also prayed that the Lord would make my heart okay with His perfect plan, whatever it may be. Could adoption be His plan? As I learned more about the adoption process and spoke with agencies, I knew this was what we had to do. I was surprised when Austin felt the same way! We both felt a peace about this decision that we can't really explain. It was most definitely God directing our steps!
We talked to our families about this choice, and everyone was so supportive and excited! We had reassurance after reassurance after reassurance that adoption was the next step for us!
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