As of yesterday, we have a date set for our home visit/interview with a social worker! ONE STEP CLOSER!
Before we began this process, we really didn't know what all would be involved! Well, it's A LOT! I'll catch you up on the major events that led us to where we are now!
1. Adoption agency research: This was a struggle because so many agencies have different requirements to be able to adopt through them, and the one that seemed to stop us repeatedly was a marriage length requirement. The majority that we researched required couples to have been married for at least two years. Some require 3-5 years! We understand that agencies want to ensure that babies are going to stable homes, but it was disheartening to be told no over and over again! Finally we found Texas Adoption Center, and they did not have the marriage length requirement, AND some of their fees were substantially less than other agencies! Ding, ding, ding...We have a winner! Not only did the requirements and costs draw us in, but the agency was very prompt and open with their communication and information!
2. Gender/Race Preferences: So...we had never thought about any other races than our own while discussing adoption. We just assumed we would adopt a Caucasian baby. We had no real reasons for it; that's just what we were planning. Then the agency informed us that they were not accepting any additional couples who had gender or race preferences. We didn't have a gender preference, but we had to discuss race. I am a teacher, and I have taught students of MANY different races. White, black, Hispanic, Asian, Middle Eastern, and more. I love children and people in general because of who they are, not because of race. My husband is a police officer. He deals with all races every day and treats every person the same, no matter their skin color or ethnic background. However, we had never thought about having a child of our own of another race. We discussed the challenges that it would bring. Not only would our child potentially struggle throughout his/her childhood with the fact that he/she was adopted, but they would also look VERY different than us. If we do ever have biological children, would the fact that our adopted child is of a different race present extra challenges because they don't look anything like his/her mom, dad, and siblings? We just had so many questions, and then my dad said something that stopped me in my tracks. He said, "You feel that God is leading you to adopt. Are you going to put limits on God?" Wow. Austin and I discussed that statement and prayed about it. Are we willing to go against God's will for our lives because we're afraid that we won't know how to handle the potential questions our child may have? NO! If God is calling us to do this, He will prepare us and give us the tools to follow! So I emailed the agency worker and said, "We're ready for the next steps!"
3. Home Study: So before we began this journey, I thought the home study was simply a visit to our home where they check to see how clean and safe it is. That's only PART of it! It's also an audit of who you are as people! After submitting our home study application and fee, we received a checklist of documents we had to submit. Proof of employment/salary, photos of our home, tax returns, background checks, fingerprinting, floor plans with dimensions of our home, birth certificates, drivers licenses, socials, marriage license, reference letters, a physicians statement of overall health, and MORE! It was a lengthy list, and the agency worker said it's all in our timing. However long we took to collect and submit documents was up to us, and after we did all of that, they would schedule the home visit. I got busy! We scheduled fingerprints, and doctor appointments, and I started scanning documents like a crazy lady!
4. The Doctor Visit: This was frustrating! First of all, my doctor could not see me for a well visit until DECEMBER! This was mid October! Umm, no! Austin started calling other clinics to see if they would do our adoption physicals. Apparently not all doctors do this! He finally found one that would! Hallelujah! We went on a Saturday in pouring rain and a TORNADO! (But that's another story for another time!) They told us they needed blood work, but they couldn't do it that day because we had eaten breakfast recently, and we needed to fast for 8 hours beforehand. (Darn you, biscuits & gravy!) We made plans to both take off work the following Monday and go have our blood work done. A couple of days later, I got a call that my blood work was abnormal, and they wanted to run additional tests on the blood they'd already taken, AND they said I needed to come back in a month to have my blood checked again. They said they wouldn't sign off on our adoption form until the next tests in a month, as long as levels were better. Noooo! I couldn't hold back my tears as I was still on the phone with the nurse. I was so upset that we had to wait a month! After MANY tears and lots of consolation from my sweet husband, we accepted this and carried on. Well...three days later, I got another call from the doctor saying the additional tests on the blood from earlier that week came back all clear. After I questioned some more about having to wait, I found out that the nurse had been confused, and we WOULD NOT have to wait another month! They said we could bring our forms in, and they'd sign! I was ecstatic! We were back on track!
5. Home Study Documents: The next Monday, Austin went and had our doctor forms signed, and we spent that evening scanning the rest of our documents and submitting them! Our part was DONE!
6. Home Visit Date: Within two days, the agency had reviewed all of our documents, references, and the background checks were back. Everything was perfect, and it was time to schedule the home visit/interview! The home study writer contacted me, and we scheduled the visit for November 14th! I also found out that the home visit for private adoption is much different and less strict than the home visit for foster care. (We had heard about how crazy it was from friends who foster, and we were nervous!) This relieved a lot of stress!
So that's where we are! Less than three weeks away from our home visit/interview, and we are that much closer to Baby Starkey! I'm spending all of my free time working on fundraisers and working on our profile book that birth mothers will see. My thoughts are consumed by a child we've never met and may not even exist yet! But I know he/she WILL! I know there is a child that is going to be born and meant for US! He/she is already meant to be a Starkey, and we can't wait to be his/her mommy and daddy!
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