All The Emotions

Excitement!
Since we decided to adopt, I've been more than excited! I've been so overjoyed at the thought of becoming a mom! I've wanted to have children since I was a child myself, and I can remember dreaming of the days when I would have a husband and kids! Now I have the most incredible husband who loves me with a deep, Christ-like love, and children are on the horizon! I can't wait to decorate a nursery, hold a baby, comfort him/her as they cry, teach them about Jesus, and play! I'm SO excited!

Overwhelmed.
There are SO MANY steps to this process. The costs are outrageous. There are many unknowns. We really don't have many answers yet. The "what-ifs" can really weigh on me. What if we can't raise much money? What if we have to take out a loan? What if the home study doesn't go well for some reason? What if no birth mother wants to choose us? What if a birth mother does choose us but changes her mind at the last minute...after we've gone to the hospital, car seat strapped in and diaper bag in hand? The fact is we don't know how everything will happen, but we have to trust that God is in control of every single step.

Peace
Even when I'm nervous about how things will work, I know this is what God is leading us to do! I truly don't have a clue how funds will come together, but knowing who MY GOD is helps me to trust that it's all going to be okay.

Frustration
I've said to my husband numerous times, "It's not fair!" Honestly, I stand by that frustration that things aren't fair. It's NOT fair that it has been a struggle to conceive a baby. It's NOT fair that adoption is outrageously expensive. It's NOT fair that everywhere I turn I see baby announcements and gender reveals. It's NOT fair that I have to fundraise and possibly even take out a loan so that I can become a mom while others get pregnant left and right! I get so frustrated with ALL of these things, but in those moments of frustration, the Lord reminds me that I get to take a baby out of possibly a really rough environment. I get to mother a child without having to go through morning sickness, exhaustion, and hours of labor. I get to bring a baby into a loving home who may not otherwise ever know a loving home. I get to teach a little one about Jesus who may not have had that opportunity without us. I GET TO!

Hope
I have so much hope for the baby we will bring home! I can't wait to see all the joy this little one brings to our lives! I definitely hope and pray that we will one day have biological children, but I know that God is going to provide us with the opportunity to become parents one way or another because He is good, and He fulfills His promises. Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." I know the desire to have a baby is a desire the Lord has placed within my heart, and I believe He intends to fulfill it.