I mentioned some of the many "what ifs" that we have in an earlier post. I won't list them all again, but I'm going to write about one specifically that I've been asked many times recently.
"What if you're chosen by a birth mother and then she changes her mind at the hospital after she sees the baby?"
Well, I'll fall apart. Obviously. The goal in this entire journey is to bring a baby home, so if the birth mother decides to keep the baby, I'll be a complete mess.
Here's the thing. This IS a possibility. When we are matched with someone who is pregnant, they can't sign over their rights right then. In fact, they can't sign over their rights until 48 hours after the baby is born. Yes, that is going to be the LONGEST 48 hours of my life. This happens. I asked our home study writer when she was in our home a couple of weeks ago how often this happens. She said she worked about 15 adoptions in the last year, and 2 changed their minds at the hospital. So clearly, the majority of adoptions are successful, but there are some that don't happen.
This absolutely scares me. However, I can't dwell on this possibility.
Here's another fact that people don't like to talk about. Just like adoption is not guaranteed, pregnancy isn't either! No one asks expectant mothers, "What if your baby doesn't make it to term?" That's a terrible question to ask pregnant women! However, all pregnant women are aware that there is a certain degree of risk with every single pregnancy. They choose to focus on the good! They choose to believe their baby is going to be born at around 40 weeks and that the baby will be strong and healthy. They do not dwell on any possible negative outcomes until they have to. THAT is what we must do with this adoption. I cannot wonder each day if we'll be completely crushed at the end of this. I can't talk constantly about how we'll handle the grief of preparing for a baby and then never bringing him/her home. I refuse to do this! If this happens to us, it will be awful. The heartache will be immense, but we will deal with that if it comes.
Right now, I'm choosing joy and excitement! We are going on a crazy, big, overwhelming, beautiful journey that will result in a little baby one way or another! We have faith in God's sovereign plan!
The "what ifs" can be scary, but WHAT IF this whole thing turns out perfectly?!
WHAT IF we are matched with a precious woman who just wants what's best for her child?
WHAT IF we are what's best for that sweet little one?
WHAT IF we prepare a nursery and get ready to bring a baby home?
WHAT IF we drive to the hospital one day and meet the child God planned for us long ago?
WHAT IF the birth mother has peace with her adoption decision?
WHAT IF we fall head over heels with an innocent child?
WHAT IF 48 hours after the birth, the birth mother signs over her rights?
WHAT IF we load our car up with a car seat and a tiny little human and bring him or her home as ours?
WHAT IF this works?
Wednesday, November 28, 2018
Auction...WOW!
On October 19th, I announced that we would be holding an auction fundraiser and that we needed item donations. I didn't have a plan yet! I didn't have a date, a method of holding the auction, a system for collecting donations or payments, NOTHING! I just thought it sounded like a good idea!
I decided that the weekend before Black Friday would be best for this time of year since people usually do most of their shopping between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It just seemed to be good timing before everyone spends a bunch on Black Friday, and it was the first weekend of Thanksgiving break for me, which meant I'd have time to organize payments, pick ups, etc.
The auction was set to run November 16-18, which was less than a month after I announced this fundraiser! I was concerned that we wouldn't have enough time, but I was so wrong! I follow an adoption fundraiser page where people share their fundraising ideas, and most people said they had raised $2,000-$3,000 on their auctions. We figured even if we couldn't raise that much due to timing, any little bit would help!
Well...we raised about $7,000! I'm still in shock! The support of our family, friends, and community has been astounding! We had handmade shirts, jewelry, signs, Christmas decor, baked goods, corn hole boards, blankets, gift certificates, two CARS, and more! We are still working to arrange pick ups for a few items, but the majority was gone within a couple of days! This was a crazy successful fundraiser, and we just got a big step closer to Baby Starkey!
God never ceases to amaze me! We spent the entire month thinking we could maybe raise $1,000, and we ended up with $7,000! Amazing! My God does BIG things!
I decided that the weekend before Black Friday would be best for this time of year since people usually do most of their shopping between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It just seemed to be good timing before everyone spends a bunch on Black Friday, and it was the first weekend of Thanksgiving break for me, which meant I'd have time to organize payments, pick ups, etc.
The auction was set to run November 16-18, which was less than a month after I announced this fundraiser! I was concerned that we wouldn't have enough time, but I was so wrong! I follow an adoption fundraiser page where people share their fundraising ideas, and most people said they had raised $2,000-$3,000 on their auctions. We figured even if we couldn't raise that much due to timing, any little bit would help!
Well...we raised about $7,000! I'm still in shock! The support of our family, friends, and community has been astounding! We had handmade shirts, jewelry, signs, Christmas decor, baked goods, corn hole boards, blankets, gift certificates, two CARS, and more! We are still working to arrange pick ups for a few items, but the majority was gone within a couple of days! This was a crazy successful fundraiser, and we just got a big step closer to Baby Starkey!
God never ceases to amaze me! We spent the entire month thinking we could maybe raise $1,000, and we ended up with $7,000! Amazing! My God does BIG things!
Home Visit
Life has been so crazy in the past few weeks, so I'm just now getting the opportunity to write about our home visit/interview!
It was on November 14th, and it went very well!
Beforehand, our home study writer sent a LONG list of questions and said we could answer them ahead of time if we wanted and send them back. She said this would help cut down on the length of the visit. She said they typically last 4-6 hours! Yikes! I made sure we got our questions answered and returned.
We really had no idea what to expect from the visit. We have a few friends who have fostered, and they all said the home study is extremely long, tedious, and invasive. They had to lock up cleaning supplies, medications, guns, etc. a certain way, and they had to baby proof. Well, for anyone wondering, foster care and private adoption home studies are very different! Adoption home studies are like a walk in the park compared to the foster home studies! We had no idea!
Our home study writer arrived around 10:30 am on Wednesday, November 14th. She was very kind and friendly, and she helped calm our nerves! We sat at our kitchen table, and she just got to know us! She asked a lot of questions, and she was very helpful in explaining the entire process in more detail. Around 12:15 or so, she said we were done with the questions and she needed to walk through our home. This made me nervous again because it's so weird having a stranger walk through each room of your home looking through stuff! However, it was no big deal! She was even kind of funny about it! She looked around a little just to make sure things were safe and there were no major hazards. We said goodbye and closed the door just before 12:30! It took TWO HOURS!
The home study writer said everything looked good, and we are unofficially officially approved! In other words, there's no issues and now it's just a matter of her getting the home study report typed, edited, and finalized, which takes few weeks. (With Thanksgiving in there, it may take a little bit longer.) We should have our finalized home study by Christmas, or possibly a little after. We all know holidays can slow things down a bit.
We were shocked by how easy and quick the entire visit was! Austin was already off work that day, but I had taken the day off, so we ended up going to lunch together on a Wednesday afternoon! It was a rare treat!
Now we're just waiting for the home study to be finalized, and then we will officially be waiting to be matched with a birth mother! I'm really struggling to contain my excitement through it all! God is so good, and we are so thankful!
It was on November 14th, and it went very well!
Beforehand, our home study writer sent a LONG list of questions and said we could answer them ahead of time if we wanted and send them back. She said this would help cut down on the length of the visit. She said they typically last 4-6 hours! Yikes! I made sure we got our questions answered and returned.
We really had no idea what to expect from the visit. We have a few friends who have fostered, and they all said the home study is extremely long, tedious, and invasive. They had to lock up cleaning supplies, medications, guns, etc. a certain way, and they had to baby proof. Well, for anyone wondering, foster care and private adoption home studies are very different! Adoption home studies are like a walk in the park compared to the foster home studies! We had no idea!
Our home study writer arrived around 10:30 am on Wednesday, November 14th. She was very kind and friendly, and she helped calm our nerves! We sat at our kitchen table, and she just got to know us! She asked a lot of questions, and she was very helpful in explaining the entire process in more detail. Around 12:15 or so, she said we were done with the questions and she needed to walk through our home. This made me nervous again because it's so weird having a stranger walk through each room of your home looking through stuff! However, it was no big deal! She was even kind of funny about it! She looked around a little just to make sure things were safe and there were no major hazards. We said goodbye and closed the door just before 12:30! It took TWO HOURS!
The home study writer said everything looked good, and we are unofficially officially approved! In other words, there's no issues and now it's just a matter of her getting the home study report typed, edited, and finalized, which takes few weeks. (With Thanksgiving in there, it may take a little bit longer.) We should have our finalized home study by Christmas, or possibly a little after. We all know holidays can slow things down a bit.
We were shocked by how easy and quick the entire visit was! Austin was already off work that day, but I had taken the day off, so we ended up going to lunch together on a Wednesday afternoon! It was a rare treat!
Now we're just waiting for the home study to be finalized, and then we will officially be waiting to be matched with a birth mother! I'm really struggling to contain my excitement through it all! God is so good, and we are so thankful!
Wednesday, November 7, 2018
He's In The Waiting
As I was driving home from work yesterday, I was thinking about this adoption. There are a lot of unanswered questions that Austin and I have right now.
How will the funding come together?
Will we have to take out a loan?
How will having an adoption loan payment affect our ability to build the house we've been planning?
Can we afford it all?
When will we even be able to begin building our house?
Should we wait until after the adoption is finalized?
I could go on and on!
It's so easy to become overwhelmed by all the unknowns, and believe me, I've had my moments! I've melted down to Austin because it all seems so impossible. I've been negative. I've even had a couple of moments when I told Austin maybe we shouldn't do this. It's too hard!
But those are the moments when God does something to comfort me and reassure me that He is in control. For example, yesterday as I was thinking about how hard this all is, the Christian song called "Take Courage" came on in my car. The song says, "Take courage, my heart. Stay steadfast, my soul. He's in the waiting."
GOD IS IN THE WAITING!
Waiting is ridiculously hard! I do not enjoy it AT ALL! I'm far too impatient, but the reminder that my God is literally IN THE WAITING with me is all I need! He has a plan, and there is nothing I can do to mess it up. If God is truly calling us to adopt a newborn, HE will make it happen. He will be there as we wait. He knows the answers to all my questions, and He will reveal it all in the right time. I just have to trust and keep my faith.
This is, by far, the biggest step of faith we have ever taken! A lot of money, time, resources, and work are going into this, and we have to have faith that it's all going to work out according to God's will. We must keep going. Even when things are frustrating. Even when it looks like all of our earthly plans will be put on hold in the process. Even when it means making huge sacrifices. Even when we have no idea how any of it will work, we have to keep going. Keep trusting. 2 Corinthians 5:7 says, "For we walk by faith, not by sight." If Austin and I were walking by sight right now, we honestly wouldn't be adopting. It's too hard, and we simply don't know how it's going to work out. We are choosing daily to walk by faith. Allowing the Lord to direct our steps is the only way we can ensure we are following His will!
How will the funding come together?
Will we have to take out a loan?
How will having an adoption loan payment affect our ability to build the house we've been planning?
Can we afford it all?
When will we even be able to begin building our house?
Should we wait until after the adoption is finalized?
I could go on and on!
It's so easy to become overwhelmed by all the unknowns, and believe me, I've had my moments! I've melted down to Austin because it all seems so impossible. I've been negative. I've even had a couple of moments when I told Austin maybe we shouldn't do this. It's too hard!
But those are the moments when God does something to comfort me and reassure me that He is in control. For example, yesterday as I was thinking about how hard this all is, the Christian song called "Take Courage" came on in my car. The song says, "Take courage, my heart. Stay steadfast, my soul. He's in the waiting."
GOD IS IN THE WAITING!
Waiting is ridiculously hard! I do not enjoy it AT ALL! I'm far too impatient, but the reminder that my God is literally IN THE WAITING with me is all I need! He has a plan, and there is nothing I can do to mess it up. If God is truly calling us to adopt a newborn, HE will make it happen. He will be there as we wait. He knows the answers to all my questions, and He will reveal it all in the right time. I just have to trust and keep my faith.
This is, by far, the biggest step of faith we have ever taken! A lot of money, time, resources, and work are going into this, and we have to have faith that it's all going to work out according to God's will. We must keep going. Even when things are frustrating. Even when it looks like all of our earthly plans will be put on hold in the process. Even when it means making huge sacrifices. Even when we have no idea how any of it will work, we have to keep going. Keep trusting. 2 Corinthians 5:7 says, "For we walk by faith, not by sight." If Austin and I were walking by sight right now, we honestly wouldn't be adopting. It's too hard, and we simply don't know how it's going to work out. We are choosing daily to walk by faith. Allowing the Lord to direct our steps is the only way we can ensure we are following His will!
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