I Cried A Few Nights Ago

There was no big reason for the tears, but they came anyway.
As I've mentioned in an earlier post, in order to be added to our agency's list of waiting families after the home study is finalized, we must provide a confirmation of funds.

Let me explain how the payment system works with our agency. Every agency does things a little differently.
Application & Home Study Fees-This is paid at the very beginning. In order to even begin the home study, we must pay this. Altogether, that is about $2,300. We are past this step.
Confirmation of Funds-Our agency needs a bank statement or letter of pre-approval for a loan showing we will be able to pay the adoption fees throughout the rest of the process. We understand the need for this. This is a VERY costly venture, so why would the agency go through the entire process with us only to find out at the last minute that we're unable to pay? We must show the confirmation of funds when the home study is finalized, or we cannot be placed on their list of waiting families. (We must be able to show that we have access to around $40,000.)
Fees at Match-Our agency provided a table of a breakdown of average costs. Every single case is different, so our costs could be a little more or a little less. For those who don't know adoption lingo, because I certainly didn't before a couple of months ago, match is when we are matched with an expectant mother. There's more to it than this, but basically the agency reviews preferences of both hopeful adoptive families and expectant mothers. They provide the expectant mother with profile books where she can learn more about the families. She can choose to meet some. Then if the adoptive family and the expectant mother feel comfortable moving forward, it's considered a match. Within a few days of the official match, a large chunk of fees is due. On average, this amount through our agency is around $17,000. (Also, on average it takes about 6 months to be matched with our agency. Could be more or less!)
Fees at Placement-Placement is when the baby is born and the birth mother signs over her rights. The child is placed with the adoptive parents. (However, the adoption will not be finalized for several months after the birth, BUT we will be the legal guardians until then.) An even larger chunk of fees is due at placement, within days after the baby is born. On average, this amount through our agency is around $22,000. (The time between match and placement all depends on how far along the expectant mother is in her pregnancy. Obviously, the further along she is, the shorter amount of time we will wait!)

Our home study is just weeks away from being finalized, which means that confirmation of funds is needed quickly. We've discussed applying for a loan and submitting the pre-approval letter, which is what we're going to do. However, a few nights ago we were talking about how the loan will even work. The pre-approval will only be good for 30 days, and unless we're matched SUPER fast, we won't need it for a few months. We have over $12,000 through our personal adoption savings, fundraisers, and donations, which is AMAZING, but we're still a long way from what we'll need. A loan is inevitable, but we're trying to get the loan amount down as much as possible. How much will we need? Will we have to reapply later because 30 days have passed before we need it? Do we use the loan for the first big chunk so we can begin paying it off before the baby is born while we still have more wiggle room financially and hopefully pay it off faster and then use the money we have for the second big chunk when the baby is born? Or vice versa? The questions seem endless, and the answer to all of them is that we don't know!

Austin and I talked about the process, the pros and cons of different options, and I was so overwhelmed. I just couldn't stop the tears. It's all SO HARD. We are beyond grateful for every bit of help we've received so far! It's incredible! To have raised and saved over $12,000 within 2 months or so is unbelievable! Knowing this is going to cost us about $28,000 more than what we currently have is so hard to fathom! All of our extra money is going toward adoption. Austin is working so much overtime. He very rarely has a day completely off anymore. I'm constantly researching adoption fundraisers and grants. I'm trying to find ways to raise money without constantly asking our family and friends to give! I hate it! When I've been asked what I want for Christmas, my answer has consistently been adoption money! And I mean it!

I pray that sweet baby we bring home one day never questions just how wanted he/she is! We are fighting for this little life! We are working, sacrificing, fundraising, researching, and doing anything we can to not only bring him/her home, but to ensure that we aren't so loaded down in adoption debt that we can't give him/her the life they deserve! We want to put our child in sports and other activities. We want to be able to go new school clothes shopping with ease each August. We want to be able to splurge a little on Christmas. We want to make memories on family vacations. We want to save for college. We want to teach our child/children how to budget and tithe and make wise financial decisions that will honor God. This is why we are working so hard to limit the potential debt as much as possible!

As I've said so many times before, we're just trusting God and His perfect will. We will never understand it all, but we trust that He is working it all for good and for His honor and glory. No one loves children like our Savior does! We fully believe He is fighting for them even more than we are.