Caleb's First Mama

I've shared our entire journey to this point, so I promise I will share about the past few WONDERFUL days of our lives soon, but I wanted to share this first mainly because I can't get it off my mind.

I knew our agency uses the terms "first mama" and "forever mama" instead of "birth mother" and "adoptive mother," and now I get it! I had the incredible privilege of meeting the woman who carried Caleb for nine months, and she most definitely is his first mama. She carried our boy. She went through pregnancy, doctor appointments, labor, delivery, and all that goes along with each of those just so this boy could live. She chose to place her child in another family's arms because she felt it was the best decision for him, and I can't put my emotions into words as I reflect on this. But I'll try.

On Wednesday, February 13, 2019, I was standing with my mom and Austin in the DFW airport preparing to head to Charlotte when my phone started ringing, and it was a Charlotte number. I answered, and the voice on the other end said, "Is this Whitney? This is ______." It was her. The woman I've heard about and prayed for, and for the first time I heard her sweet voice. I didn't know what to say, so I simply said, "Oh! Hi!" She continued, "I just wanted to let you know I just had the baby. He's doing good. They're taking him to the nursery, and he'll be waiting for you there." In the background, I could hear Caleb's sweet little cry! I couldn't believe it! I pray I NEVER forget this moment in the DFW airport as Austin and my mom were checking bags and the whole world seemed to stop as I learned the news that my son had been born and listened to his cry through the phone!

Before this moment, I had been incredibly nervous to meet Caleb's first mama. I kept wondering what I should say. Should I hug her? Should I keep distance? Should I pour out my heart to her? I just didn't know. I needed to write her a letter, and I had really struggled writing it beforehand. I had started a few different drafts, but I never knew the words to say. After speaking to this young woman on the phone for just a moment, everything fell into place. Suddenly I had this deep longing to meet her and wrap her up in a big hug. I now had just the words for the letter.

When we got to Charlotte, we learned that we would not be permitted to see the baby until the next morning. I'll share about that in another post later. Since we couldn't go to the hospital, we had time to put a little gift basket together for Caleb's first mama. I wrote the letter, included an adoption necklace my friend had made as a fundraiser, and got her little snacks and goodies.

When we got to the hospital the next day, we got to meet Caleb, and naturally we instantly fell in love! (Again, I'll tell you alllll about it later!) We also found out that Caleb's first mama had decided she didn't want to meet us until after she signed over her rights the next day, Friday.

Friday came. I was so nervous as I waited for word that the forms had been signed. Then we found out Caleb's first mama had decided that after rights were signed over, she and her mother would like to see Caleb one last time, but they didn't want to meet us. I was disappointed, but I understood that it had to be so hard for her. I kept hoping she would decide to meet us. Then, there was a knock at the hospital room door shortly after we found out she had officially signed. The nurse answered the door, and we heard a voice say, "Hi, I'm ______. Are Whitney and Austin here?" The sweet representative from the agency was in the room with us, and she rushed to the door. She asked if she wanted to just see Caleb or if she wanted to meet us too. She decided to meet us! She came in the room, and my heart exploded! I hugged her tight. I hugged her mother as well. It was the absolute most tender moment I've ever experienced in my entire life. She and her mother held Caleb and got pictures. We got pictures with them. We even had a picture of his first mama handing him over to me. She said, "I know yall are going to take good care of him, and I'm at peace with my decision." We hugged again, and she and her mother left the room.

At this point, I could no longer fight the tears. I was holding Caleb and just bent over as I sobbed. My mom took Caleb, and Austin held me up. My heart broke and rejoiced all at once. Another woman had just handed her child to me and entrusted me with his life. I'll never be able to accurately describe the emotions of this moment. I kept telling my mom and Austin, "It feels like my heart literally hurts."

Here's the thing. There is a stigma about birth parents who choose adoption. So many people think they simply don't want the child. NOT TRUE. Please, I beg you, if you're reading this and have ever thought this, STOP! I have personally thought this before, and it's simply not the case. In our society, if a woman does not want a child or pregnancy, they can choose abortion unfortunately. For any woman to continue a pregnancy, THEY DO WANT THAT BABY! They want the baby to have life. And in the case of adoption, they want the baby to have a life they are unable to provide for whatever reason. If you know anyone who chooses to place their child for adoption, support them! Help them! Do what you can to help them find peace in their decision. It's incredibly selfless, and it's a love so many of us can't understand. The truth is, I don't know what it's like to not be able to provide for a child. I don't know what it's like to have a really hard life. I don't know what it's like to not have a supportive family. Because of my state, I can't imagine placing a child for adoption, but I genuinely applaud those who can see that for whatever reason, adoption is best for the child. It's hard, and I know Caleb's first mama has experienced pain with this decision. I know she will in the years to come as well. All I can do is pray that she saw and felt the love of Jesus through us. I pray as Caleb grows and we send her updates about how he's doing that she has comfort and peace that he has a loving family and a loving VILLAGE!

So...you don't know her name or anything about her. But you do know she is my son's first mama. So please, right now, and any time you think about it, pray for Caleb's first mama! I would not have the complete privilege of being his forever mama if it weren't for his first!

Last Few Fundraisers

We're wrapping up our last few fundraisers for Baby Starkey!

Necklaces from The Shawp
One of my best friends, Whitley, and her husband, Jesse, started an online shop called The Shawp! They offer personalized engraving and different items. They held a fundraiser with a custom design on either a necklace or keychain. I don't know a total for that fundraiser yet, but I enjoyed seeing pictures from friends who purchased! They look so cute!! If you haven't heard of The Shawp, check them out on Facebook!

Church Donations
Our church, Farley Street Baptist Church put out a donation box at a chili cookoff last weekend. Our church family loved on us well! So many people told us they were praying for our sweet boy, and it meant the world to us! We raised over $800 through the church!

Lettering Class
A friend from church, Sara, also has an online business where she sells handmade signs and different decor and Bible related items. Her shop is called Signs and Such! Sara does amazing calligraphy, and she teaches calligraphy classes, so she offered to hold one for us. That was this past Saturday, and it was such a fun class! Everyone who went learned new things and had a good time! I don't know the total for this one yet, but I know it was a fun one!!

M&Ms Update
We got several tubes of M&Ms back, and has over $100 through that fundraiser! It's amazing how quickly spare change can add up! This was a such a sweet blessing, and we got to eat lots of M&Ms, so that's a plus too! 

And that's a wrap! Through all of the fundraisers and donations since October, plus our personal adoption savings, we have raised/saved roughly $20,000, and a loan will cover the remainder! It's just unbelievable how kind, supportive, and generous our village is!

1 Corinthians 12:12-27

There are so many things about this adoption that have been unexpected. We never expected our baby to be in another state, which means we didn't expect long distance or extended travel to be involved. But our baby IS in another state, so travel has thrown us for a loop!

For awhile we went back and forth about our mode of travel. Drive or fly? We had several people reach out to us offering their assistance with flights. It was still difficult when we have no idea when we actually need to leave or how long we'll be gone. My mom is traveling with us, so it's important to us that we can all travel together. It will cut down on a lot of the unknown.

Austin's dad has offered his help, and we've now been able to form a plan. There's still some unknown, but the fact is that there is NO way to plan for such a spur of the moment trip! We are going to plan to drive. If Austin's dad can get last minute tickets when the time comes, we'll fly! If not, we'll drive. Of course we'd love to fly and skip out on the 14 hour drive, but there really are so many pros and cons to both options, so either avenue will be fine! And at the end of it all, a car or a plane will get us to our little boy, so that's all that matters!

Lodging.
Sheesh! This has been hard! A hotel for possibly two weeks just isn't an option. It will be more expensive and less comfortable. We looked into airbnbs, and those seemed to be our best option because a lot are less expensive than a hotel, and they would provide the space and comfort needed with a newborn baby. We could have a small kitchen to avoid eating out too much and a free washer and dryer. Still though, the cheapest we could find was $55 per night. (Amazing! But even that adds up to a lot when you're staying several days.) However, I messaged the owner of that particular airbnb and explained our situation about not knowing when and for how long we'd need to stay. The owner responded and was SO precious and kind! She said for our situation she would only charge $45 per night, but since we don't have specific dates, she can't guarantee that it will be available. Completely understandable. That was definitely our best option, but even with that we couldn't guarantee availability, so we kept that in our minds but were open any time a friend had a suggestion.

A few people have called or messaged telling us of friends near Charlotte who would like to help. For one reason or another, none of them worked out. For example, a student's mom told me her cousin lives near that area and got me in contact with her. The cousin was so incredibly sweet and invited us to stay with them. However, they lived just across the border in South Carolina, and we won't be able to leave NC even though they would be SO CLOSE! Still this sweet woman reminded me that they are close if we needed anything while we were there! So kind!!

A few different instances like the one described above came up. I have consistently been in awe of how giving people are. So many people want to help!
Saturday night I was riding out with Austin as he worked when I got a Facebook message from a woman I know from Carthage, TX named Janet. I've only met her a couple of times, so we really don't know each other well; however, Janet knew about our needs and wanted to help. We spoke on the phone Saturday evening, and she told me she had reached out to friends to find a connection in the Charlotte area. One of her friends has a former pastor who used to live in Houston, but now lives and pastors right outside of Charlotte! Janet got in touch with the pastor's wife, and she told Janet to pass her contact info along to me. I called the pastor's wife yesterday. She was so sweet, and it was like chatting with a friend! She said she and her husband have an adopted daughter, and their church has an adoption ministry, so clearly this family and church all have hearts for adoption. She told me to give her a couple of days because she was going to reach out to the church to try to find a "host home" for us!

This morning as I was walking from my car to the school, I got a text from the pastor's wife saying she found a place for us to stay with a church member! It was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders in that very moment! The unknown and the guessing is over! I can't explain the relief! The pastor's wife even said at the end of her message, "I'll be giving you guys support along the way." Knowing there are good people who will be there for us during such a wonderful but crazy time is so encouraging!

THIS is God at work. THIS is the body of Christ doing what the body is called to do. These people and this church are reaching out to do whatever they can. When I spoke to the pastor's wife yesterday, she asked me to tell her about what we're doing and asked what our needs are. She never asked if we are Christians. She never asked if or where we go to church. She never asked if we even believe in God. She simply asked what we need. Then toward the end, she said if we have the opportunity while we're there, she would love to have us at their church so they could love on us some more. This is the love of Jesus. It didn't matter our background. All that mattered to this woman and her church was that there was a family from Texas who needed some help. Not only have I been completely blessed by them already without meeting yet, but I have also been encouraged to love others like this. No reservations. No prerequisites. Just unconditional, Christ-like love.

Are all our bags packed? No. Is our apartment packed to move to our house? No. Is our living room an obstacle course of baby stuff? Yes.
But I don't even care anymore! For the first time in a few weeks, I'm not stressed! I have sub plans done. I have an amazing sub lined up. We have travel plans. We have lodging plans. We have a church who is prepared to love on us when we get there. We have the essentials needed to bring this baby boy home. The packing and the moving will work out. God has had this all planned out all along, and anyone who can't see God in all of this is choosing to miss Him!

Caleb Austin, you can come now!

I've Been a Whiny Baby Today

And I'm ashamed of it.

We have so much GOOD going on in our lives right now. A house and a baby all at once! It's unbelievable, and Austin and I are both incredibly happy and excited!

At the same time, I've never in my life been so overwhelmed.

*Our closing and due dates are the same day.
*Our baby is 6 states away.
*We could be in NC for possibly 2 weeks.
*This adoption costs over $40,000.
*We raised and saved about $19,000.
*We now have to pay for travel/lodging for up to two weeks.
*Maternity leave is unpaid.
*Multiple people have asked me this week alone if I'm concerned that I won't be able to bond with our child since I missed out on the 9 months of pregnancy.

Seriously, I have to laugh to keep from crying, and unfortunately, I stopped laughing today.
We have been so blessed by countless people, and this baby boy is already so loved! Still I got in my car to head home from work today and just broke down! People keep saying that it will all work out, and all I can think when I hear that is HOW?!?! I do fully believe that my God is big enough. I know He will supply our needs! However, we cannot simply sit down and twiddle our thumbs, and sometimes I just don't know what to do. I've worked who knows how many hours to raise as much money as possible for this journey. Austin has worked tons of overtime jobs. At the end of the day, the money for everything is just not there. Then I think about how much an abortion costs compared to how much an adoption costs. I did a little research. An abortion through Planned Parenthood costs $800-$1,000 BEFORE insurance. If a woman doesn't have insurance or their insurance does not cover abortions, Planned Parenthood says on their website that they can work with women to find the funds to pay for the abortion. In other words, most women can get FREE abortions. But for my husband and I to adopt a newborn, it costs us over $40,000 PLUS travel?! Oh how we have devalued life, and my heart ACHES.

So today I cried. I came home, got in bed under the covers, and cried. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow I'll choose to laugh through the chaos. Tomorrow I'll focus on the positive. Tomorrow I'll stare at the precious sonogram picture we received of our sweet boy anytime I feel overwhelmed and remember that he's worth it. He's worth every penny, every mile traveled, every tear, every prayer. He's beyond worth it all.

God's Fingerprints

There have been many times in my life where I can look back on various events and see exactly how God orchestrated it all! I can almost never see His fingerprints while I'm in the midst of a situation, but when I reflect, I can see how my Creator is constantly at work weaving things together for His good!

Now that we have been matched with an expectant mother, I can look back and see how the past few months have led up to this! So allow me to tell you a story!

Last November, my good friend, Jessica Prewitt, messaged me about a giveaway an adoption consultant company was doing. She told me a friend of hers had recently adopted through them. Then at church the next day, Bro. Eddie Marsh told me he knew a young woman who had just adopted and what a beautiful story it was. He mentioned her name was Jessica...different Jessica than Jessica Prewitt! haha! Well just through what Jessica Prewitt and Bro. Eddie said, I realized they were both talking about the same person who had adopted. So what did I do?! I got on Facebook, searched Jessica Prewitt's friends list for any other Jessicas, and there I found Jessica Cawthorn, who had recently adopted a beautiful baby boy! I creeped on her page! I looked at different fundraisers she had done and just celebrated a person I didn't even know!

No worries, these people will return to the story soon!

Fast forward several weeks, and we decided to hold a garage sale fundraiser during spring break in March. People quickly started donating large amounts of stuff, and it was amazing! I started wondering if we should have the garage sale in January. It wan't the traditional garage sale time of year. It's Texas, and the weather is unpredictable. It could be snowing, or it could be 70 degrees and sunny! We went back and forth on whether we should just go for it or wait. Finally I came home from school one Thursday and told Austin, "I want to have the garage sale next weekend." So we did! We prayed for decent weather and a good turnout! It was the busiest week, and neither of us got much rest, but we held the sale on January 18th and 19th. The weather was great on the first day, but it was pretty cold and windy on the second. However, we still made over $2,000!! 

Thank goodness we held the garage sale when we did! On the 19th while at the garage sale, Austin showed me a house for sale. It seemed perfect. Austin had recently gotten an email about a first responders real estate deal, so we decided we would look into buying a house now instead of waiting until September when our lease was up if the perfect opportunity presented itself. The house we saw on the 19th was a cute house at a great price. We were very interested, but it was snatched up before we got a chance to go for it. However, we agreed we'd still casually look. Two days later was MLK Day, so I was off work. We looked at a few houses, one of which was a house my cousin, Jordan, had just finished renovating. It was even more perfect than the house we saw a few days before. We both fell in love with the house, talked about it for a few days, and went to look at it again on Wednesday, the 23rd. We decided that was the house for us, and we were going to buy it! 

On Monday, January 21st, after a day of looking at a few houses, I got a message from Eddie Marsh asking if we had an approved home study. He got me in contact with someone he knew who shared that the agency they had used needed a Texas family. Guess who that person was! Jessica Cawthorn! She sent me contact info for the agency that night, and we sent in our paperwork. January 25th, a few days after deciding to buy the house, we got the call that an expectant mother in NC had selected us! 

Now I'm friends on Facebook with Jessica, and she has been so sweet and full of advice, and I've loved learning about her story of adopting her baby boy! One day I'll meet her in person and give her the biggest hug! 

See...God's fingerprints are EVERYWHERE! 

The strong feeling that we needed to move up the garage sale meant we would have an empty garage and actually be able to move. It also meant we would have additional funds to go toward the adoption at the right time! 

The email Austin received about the great real estate deal meant we started casually looking for a house, which led us to the PERFECT opportunity. 

The message from Jessica Prewitt and Eddie Marsh led me to connect with an adoptive mama who would not only lead me to our baby, but would also become a tremendous support! 

God orchestrated it ALL! I couldn't see why these things are happening. I didn't know why I felt such a strong urgency to move up the garage sale. I didn't know that creeping on a stranger's facebook page would lead to connecting later. I didn't know everything was going to align so that our baby's due date and our closing date on our home would be the exact same day! 

It's truly a miraculous and beautiful story! The Lord paints quite a picture when we just step back! Over the past week I have said that I'm overwhelmed and stressed many times, and this is very true. I am!! However, I'm just in awe of my God! I'm thankful for the people He so perfectly placed in our lives at the right times. What amazes me the most is that God has had this plan all along! The moments when I have wept and poured out my heart to Him, He was never saying, "No." He was saying, "Wait." I'm STILL waiting! I'm not so patiently waiting for my phone to ring with the news that birth mama is in active labor! Waiting is so very hard. I'm not good at it. I cry a lot, and sometimes I get mad. Those are the moments when God speaks to my heart in one way or another and reminds me that He is in control. He has reminded me countless times throughout the past year that if He did not intend for me to become a mother, He would take that desire away. He'd make me okay with it. I have known that He was going to fulfill this desire all along. I just haven't know when or how. 

Could things still go wrong? Of course. I mentioned that in my post yesterday. There's risk involved. However, I know 100% that God is always good in all He does. Period. 

I had to write all of this down because I need our son to know this story as he grows up. He NEEDS to know that it's not just me and Austin who want him. His biological mother wants him so badly to have the best life possible. She didn't have to choose adoption. Our society has made other options okay, but she chose LIFE! She wanted him to have LIFE! Our village of supporters want him! They have partnered with us to provide financial support, encouragement, and prayer every step of the way. And best of all, the Creator of the universe wants him! God wants this baby boy to live a full life. He wants to know him! He wants to save him! God is just using me, Austin, the birth mom, and our village along the way!