I've shared our entire journey to this point, so I promise I will share about the past few WONDERFUL days of our lives soon, but I wanted to share this first mainly because I can't get it off my mind.
I knew our agency uses the terms "first mama" and "forever mama" instead of "birth mother" and "adoptive mother," and now I get it! I had the incredible privilege of meeting the woman who carried Caleb for nine months, and she most definitely is his first mama. She carried our boy. She went through pregnancy, doctor appointments, labor, delivery, and all that goes along with each of those just so this boy could live. She chose to place her child in another family's arms because she felt it was the best decision for him, and I can't put my emotions into words as I reflect on this. But I'll try.
On Wednesday, February 13, 2019, I was standing with my mom and Austin in the DFW airport preparing to head to Charlotte when my phone started ringing, and it was a Charlotte number. I answered, and the voice on the other end said, "Is this Whitney? This is ______." It was her. The woman I've heard about and prayed for, and for the first time I heard her sweet voice. I didn't know what to say, so I simply said, "Oh! Hi!" She continued, "I just wanted to let you know I just had the baby. He's doing good. They're taking him to the nursery, and he'll be waiting for you there." In the background, I could hear Caleb's sweet little cry! I couldn't believe it! I pray I NEVER forget this moment in the DFW airport as Austin and my mom were checking bags and the whole world seemed to stop as I learned the news that my son had been born and listened to his cry through the phone!
Before this moment, I had been incredibly nervous to meet Caleb's first mama. I kept wondering what I should say. Should I hug her? Should I keep distance? Should I pour out my heart to her? I just didn't know. I needed to write her a letter, and I had really struggled writing it beforehand. I had started a few different drafts, but I never knew the words to say. After speaking to this young woman on the phone for just a moment, everything fell into place. Suddenly I had this deep longing to meet her and wrap her up in a big hug. I now had just the words for the letter.
When we got to Charlotte, we learned that we would not be permitted to see the baby until the next morning. I'll share about that in another post later. Since we couldn't go to the hospital, we had time to put a little gift basket together for Caleb's first mama. I wrote the letter, included an adoption necklace my friend had made as a fundraiser, and got her little snacks and goodies.
When we got to the hospital the next day, we got to meet Caleb, and naturally we instantly fell in love! (Again, I'll tell you alllll about it later!) We also found out that Caleb's first mama had decided she didn't want to meet us until after she signed over her rights the next day, Friday.
Friday came. I was so nervous as I waited for word that the forms had been signed. Then we found out Caleb's first mama had decided that after rights were signed over, she and her mother would like to see Caleb one last time, but they didn't want to meet us. I was disappointed, but I understood that it had to be so hard for her. I kept hoping she would decide to meet us. Then, there was a knock at the hospital room door shortly after we found out she had officially signed. The nurse answered the door, and we heard a voice say, "Hi, I'm ______. Are Whitney and Austin here?" The sweet representative from the agency was in the room with us, and she rushed to the door. She asked if she wanted to just see Caleb or if she wanted to meet us too. She decided to meet us! She came in the room, and my heart exploded! I hugged her tight. I hugged her mother as well. It was the absolute most tender moment I've ever experienced in my entire life. She and her mother held Caleb and got pictures. We got pictures with them. We even had a picture of his first mama handing him over to me. She said, "I know yall are going to take good care of him, and I'm at peace with my decision." We hugged again, and she and her mother left the room.
At this point, I could no longer fight the tears. I was holding Caleb and just bent over as I sobbed. My mom took Caleb, and Austin held me up. My heart broke and rejoiced all at once. Another woman had just handed her child to me and entrusted me with his life. I'll never be able to accurately describe the emotions of this moment. I kept telling my mom and Austin, "It feels like my heart literally hurts."
Here's the thing. There is a stigma about birth parents who choose adoption. So many people think they simply don't want the child. NOT TRUE. Please, I beg you, if you're reading this and have ever thought this, STOP! I have personally thought this before, and it's simply not the case. In our society, if a woman does not want a child or pregnancy, they can choose abortion unfortunately. For any woman to continue a pregnancy, THEY DO WANT THAT BABY! They want the baby to have life. And in the case of adoption, they want the baby to have a life they are unable to provide for whatever reason. If you know anyone who chooses to place their child for adoption, support them! Help them! Do what you can to help them find peace in their decision. It's incredibly selfless, and it's a love so many of us can't understand. The truth is, I don't know what it's like to not be able to provide for a child. I don't know what it's like to have a really hard life. I don't know what it's like to not have a supportive family. Because of my state, I can't imagine placing a child for adoption, but I genuinely applaud those who can see that for whatever reason, adoption is best for the child. It's hard, and I know Caleb's first mama has experienced pain with this decision. I know she will in the years to come as well. All I can do is pray that she saw and felt the love of Jesus through us. I pray as Caleb grows and we send her updates about how he's doing that she has comfort and peace that he has a loving family and a loving VILLAGE!
So...you don't know her name or anything about her. But you do know she is my son's first mama. So please, right now, and any time you think about it, pray for Caleb's first mama! I would not have the complete privilege of being his forever mama if it weren't for his first!
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