I've Been a Whiny Baby Today

And I'm ashamed of it.

We have so much GOOD going on in our lives right now. A house and a baby all at once! It's unbelievable, and Austin and I are both incredibly happy and excited!

At the same time, I've never in my life been so overwhelmed.

*Our closing and due dates are the same day.
*Our baby is 6 states away.
*We could be in NC for possibly 2 weeks.
*This adoption costs over $40,000.
*We raised and saved about $19,000.
*We now have to pay for travel/lodging for up to two weeks.
*Maternity leave is unpaid.
*Multiple people have asked me this week alone if I'm concerned that I won't be able to bond with our child since I missed out on the 9 months of pregnancy.

Seriously, I have to laugh to keep from crying, and unfortunately, I stopped laughing today.
We have been so blessed by countless people, and this baby boy is already so loved! Still I got in my car to head home from work today and just broke down! People keep saying that it will all work out, and all I can think when I hear that is HOW?!?! I do fully believe that my God is big enough. I know He will supply our needs! However, we cannot simply sit down and twiddle our thumbs, and sometimes I just don't know what to do. I've worked who knows how many hours to raise as much money as possible for this journey. Austin has worked tons of overtime jobs. At the end of the day, the money for everything is just not there. Then I think about how much an abortion costs compared to how much an adoption costs. I did a little research. An abortion through Planned Parenthood costs $800-$1,000 BEFORE insurance. If a woman doesn't have insurance or their insurance does not cover abortions, Planned Parenthood says on their website that they can work with women to find the funds to pay for the abortion. In other words, most women can get FREE abortions. But for my husband and I to adopt a newborn, it costs us over $40,000 PLUS travel?! Oh how we have devalued life, and my heart ACHES.

So today I cried. I came home, got in bed under the covers, and cried. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow I'll choose to laugh through the chaos. Tomorrow I'll focus on the positive. Tomorrow I'll stare at the precious sonogram picture we received of our sweet boy anytime I feel overwhelmed and remember that he's worth it. He's worth every penny, every mile traveled, every tear, every prayer. He's beyond worth it all.