#9

There is a saved note on my phone with a list of names and dates. They are the names of the birth mothers whose profiles we viewed before we were matched, and the dates are when we got their profile.

D-12/22/18
A-12/22/18
J-1/6/19
Name Unknown-1/8/19
C-1/9/19
J-1/14/19
V-1/16/19
D-1/18/19

8 is a very small number compared to many families hoping to adopt. I'm in several adoption groups on Facebook, and so many in the groups share about their struggles. They've waited years. They've seen dozens and dozens of profiles. I don't know why it all happened so quickly for us. We began the adoption process in October 2018, and we brought Caleb home in February 2019. CRAZY. It was MUCH faster than most, but the time still felt like an eternity.

Each birth mother profile we viewed brought a glimmer of hope. Could this be the one? Every. Single. Time. Every "no" we got was truly heartbreaking. I would question the process over an over again. I kept wondering WHY!! Why do these birth mothers keep choosing other families? What don't they see in us? How could I change our profile book to sound more appealing? It drove me crazy. I shed tears over and over again. Roller coaster is a massive understatement!

People kept saying, "That just wasn't your baby." That got annoying. It was true. All 8 were not for us. However, I will most likely think about each one for the rest of my life. They were all due to be born between February and June, so they're all here now. I prayed over each profile for each mother and each baby. I've prayed for each adoptive family. Several of those babies had drug/alcohol exposure. I pray they're healthy. I remember one mother in particular had pregnancy complications. I pray she is okay and the baby made it to full term. Although I never met any of the mothers, babies, or adoptive families, I feel like they are all somewhat a piece of us.

So many ups and downs. So many prayers. So many tears.
And then there was the most unexpected profile of all.
Mama A-1/21/19
The final birth mother profile.
The one I practically dismissed as impossible.
The one I never in a million years expected to be our "yes."
The one all the way in North Carolina.
OURS.

We got the profile on January 21, and I got the call saying she had chosen us on January 25, and our whirlwind of  a month began! We came home from NC with our boy exactly one month later on February 25, 2019! Talk about crazy!

As I held my precious Caleb on Valentine's Day for the very first time, every single "no" suddenly made sense. The other 8 weren't ours. I hope and pray they went to amazing people who love Jesus and will give them the best lives, and I'll continue to pray for the 8 for the rest of my life. But each of those 8 birth mothers said no to us so that #9 could say yes!

Waiting is hard. Just plain hard. Believe me when I say that I 100% understand what it's like to wait. Hind sight's 20/20! Such a true statement. We can always look back on a time in our lives and see how all the pieces worked together. It is so incredibly hard to see in the moment. I can look at my past emails and see the 8. I can remember my conversations with Austin about each one. I can remember the sadness that came with each rejection. Then I go back and watch the video where we met Caleb for the first time, and the joy is immeasurable.

I'm thankful for the 8. They are babies, birth mothers, and adoptive families that were covered in prayer. I will forever be grateful that we were able to love them from afar.
But even more, I'm grateful for the 8 no's. Without them, we wouldn't have our most precious #9! Our YES! Our Caleb!