What I've Learned

Tomorrow is the big day! Adoption Day!! It used to seem so far away!
I'm a reflective person in general, so I like to look back to see all I've learned and all the Lord has done! So allow me to explain some of the major things I've learned through this adoption process!

1. Never put limits on God!
Goodness gracious, this is a big one! This lesson began with words from my dad last October. We found out the agency we were initially using was not accepting families who had gender or race preferences. I've shared this before, but we had to discuss the race aspect. We hadn't considered adopting a baby of a different race, and race is a big deal in some ways, and no big deal at all in others. We were afraid we wouldn't have the right words to say as the child grew up and began asking questions about race. I told my dad about the information from the agency and he said two things that will forever be on repeat in my mind. 1.) You believe adoption is where God is leading you. Are you going to put limits on God? Woah. It's not my place to lead God's calling on ours lives. God DID lead us to adoption, and God cannot be limited. And 2.) You're going to look at a little kid running around in a few years and think, "I can't believe I almost missed this!" InstaTears! So. Much. Truth. I look at my baby boy every day and think I can't believe I almost missed this because we were too small minded in the beginning!

2. Adoption is hard!
Boy oh boy, that's a major understatement! Adoption is the hardest thing I've ever done. It's expensive, tedious, unpredictable, and emotional. There's so much to learn, so many steps in the process, and tons of research to do. Some aspects of the process are super confusing, while some are simply monotonous. It's like having to prove yourself over and over and over and over again. It's incredibly hard, but it's worth every second!

3. People WANT to help!
This aspect of adoption has completely blown me away time and time again! People truly want to help; they just don't know how until you tell them! Everyone knows we could not afford adoption outright on police and teacher salaries. (But really, who CAN?!) We needed help. I read so many articles and joined several Facebook groups, which is where I learned that adoption fundraising is a thing! I was so uncomfortable with it in the beginning, but I knew we needed the help. As soon as I shared our fundraising ideas, our village stepped up in a BIG way! I was constantly in awe! So many purchased tshirts, bought ice cream, bought jewelry, donated and purchased from our auction and garage sale, filled M&M tubes, hosted parties, ordered Santa letters, allowed us to babysit, or outright gave donations! After we were matched, all I had to do was say it's a boy, and I had friends who went shopping THAT NIGHT! Countless people passed along baby clothes. Tons showed up to the baby shower. We hardly had to buy anything! When we were trying to figure out transportation and lodging in NC, several reached out offering airline miles. A few reached out to relatives and friends around the Charlotte area. STRANGERS opened their home, hearts, and church to us for two weeks! They brought dinner, loved on Caleb, offered their help in any way, and acted as the Body of Christ.
Yall, people WANT to help. Let them! And look for opportunities to help others too!

4. Adoption is emotional!
The absolute most emotional thing I've ever endured. Heartbreak. Fear. Excitement. Confusion. Joy. And so much more. If you ever decide to adopt, you will undoubtedly experience every emotion you can possibly imagine. I have sobbed tears of sorrow and joy. I've sulked on the couch over rejections. I've begged God to make sure each baby went to a good, loving home where they could learn about Him. I've watched the bravest woman I've ever met hold her child and then hand him over to me. I've just about fallen to my knees as I grieve for her and for my son who was just separated from his first mama. I've bawled like a baby as I held my beautiful boy for the first time in complete awe of God and His perfect plan. I could go on and on! Tomorrow I'm sure I'll weep tears of relief and joy as a judge pronounces sweet Caleb OURS! The emotions are unending, and they are all so very bittersweet!

5. Birth parents are heroes. 
I've shared my feelings about Caleb's birth mom several times, but I'll do it again. I love her. I'm so grateful that she chose LIFE for Caleb. She handed me her heart in that hospital room and trusted me to take care of it. Please PLEASE let's all help remove the stigma of adoption. Don't EVER look down on the women who place their children for adoption. It's a MUCH harder decision than you or I will ever understand, but the decision is completely selfless. They will grieve the loss for the rest of their lives most likely, and they do NOT need others' judgments. If you don't understand how someone could 'give up' their child, it probably means you don't know what it's like to walk in their shoes. You probably have some kind of support system or job. You probably don't have an addiction controlling your life. You probably don't get it. And the truth is I don't either. But I can recognize an act of love when I see one, and adoption is the ultimate act of love! Applaud those who choose LIFE even when it's hard.

6. Adoption requires faith.
Adopting Caleb has been the biggest leap of faith we've ever taken. Hands down. We were terrified of the process, the potential heartbreak, the cost, the relationship with a birth mother, everything. So scared. We took the leap and had to constantly look to God. We had to trust that He had us in His hands. That didn't mean we wouldn't experience hard times, but we knew it would all be okay as long as we trusted Him alone.

7. Adoption is unpredictable!
Listen, we were told when we started the whole process that it could take a couple years. Four months later, we brought Caleb home. We never in a million years could have predicted it would happen so quickly for us. I know God was at work. We were meant for Caleb, and Caleb was meant for us, and Caleb came four months after we started! God also knew we were going to have major struggles later, and Caleb would be our little miracle. We needed Caleb.
Our journey went quickly, but most do not happen that way. Adoption truly can take years. Some people experience failed matches, where the birth mother decides to parent the baby instead of placing him/her for adoption. Some experience rejection after rejection after rejection. There's no way to predict how each story will unfold. While ours happened fast, we still had bumps. We had pain. We had rejections. You just never know what lies ahead.

8. Finally, adoption is WORTH IT!
Let me say it again! ADOPTION IS WORTH IT! Domestic infant adoption, international adoption, foster care, independent adoption...the list goes on. No matter what route taken, adoption is hard and full of ups and downs. At the end of it all, when you look down and see a child the Lord created with a purpose in mind, all the hardships fade away. All that matters is that precious life. It's worth it. Every tear. Every penny. Every struggle. Every fundraiser. Every frustration. Every FaceTime call. Every article. Every vent session. Every piece of paperwork. Every home visit. If that's what it took to bring our Caleb home to us, I'd do it a thousand times over again. Adoption is life changing for everyone involved, and I thank God every single day for the life He entrusted to us! Caleb is worth it!

Tomorrow I'll stand with Austin and Caleb surrounded by precious family and friends as our baby boy officially and legally becomes our own! Don't worry, there will be videos and pictures to document all the tears! Tomorrow will be almost as surreal as the day I held Caleb in my arms for the first time! Tomorrow will be such a good day!
To every supporter, THANK YOU! Thank you for your encouragement, donations, support, love, and kind words! We're so grateful you've chosen to be part of our village!
To Austin, you're the ONLY one who could have possibly put up with all these emotions for the past 10 months! You're the most wonderful husband and the best daddy!
To Caleb, oh my sweet boy! Dada and I love you more than you'll ever understand. Or at least until you become a dad, but let's not get ahead of ourselves! You're worth it all, buddy! You're more than worth it!