Dear Caleb,
If you're reading this, it means you're much older than you are right now as I'm typing. You may be going through a tough time. You may be questioning a lot of things about your adoption. Or maybe not! No matter where you are emotionally when you read this, there are a few things I need you to know. Things I'm sure I've said to you many times through the years.
I love you.
That's a major understatement! I've loved you since January 25, 2019 when I found out about you. Then I met you on Valentine's Day when you were just 24 hours old, and my heart practically burst from my chest. Every day since then, I have loved you more and more deeply. I think every day, "How could I possibly love this kid more than I do right now?!" Then the next day rolls around, and it happens! Even more love!
Your first mama loves you.
My precious son, you have to know how much this woman loves you. She chose a life for you that she was unable to provide. I know you were just a couple days old, so you don't remember, but I witnessed the most selfless human love I've ever seen in that Charlotte, NC. hospital room on February 15, 2019. I saw the love in her eyes. I listened to her talk to you. I watched her hold you. Then she handed you to me, and my heart rejoiced and shattered all at once. She didn't choose adoption because she didn't want you. She chose adoption because she so desperately wanted the best possible life for you. Don't you EVER doubt her love for you, sweet boy.
Your village is amazing.
So many people, many who you will probably never even meet, have supported your adoption. They love your story. They love YOU! You have been loved on so well, and you're actually kind of a celebrity! You have inspired so many people in countless ways. Some are being inspired to adopt. Some have been inspired to help others adopt. Many have learned through your story about how beautiful adoption truly is. You're so loved, bud!
There's nothing your dad and I wouldn't do for you.
My sweet Caleb, we fought for you before we ever knew you! We will never stop fighting for you! Every single effort was to bring you home with us, and we'd do it a thousand times over just for you. As you continue to grow, you must remember that we will ALWAYS be there. Through the good, bad, ugly, scary, exciting, joyful, EVERYTHING. You can always turn to your mom and dad, and we'll be there waiting.
You were THE plan.
Your adoption was never 'Plan B.' We decided to pursue adoption because God put it on our hearts. God planned for your adoption since the beginning of time. He knew! He orchestrated every single moment that led us to you. He strategically placed people in our lives who would help us along the way. Don't you ever let Satan convince you that you were a backup plan. The Bible says in John 10:10, "The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." Caleb, the enemy wants to convince you that adoption isn't beautiful. He wants you to feel broken. He wants to steal your joy, kill your happiness, and destroy your life. Your dad and I, correction, your whole village will not let that happen. Trust in Him, baby boy. Remember the blessings of adoption. Remember that we as Christians are all adopted into the family of God, and we can have an abundant life in Him. Rest in that.
You're enough.
Right now as I type this, I can see you on the baby monitor as you sleep. Dad is working the night shift. I keep looking at you in amazement that you're MINE! We may never have more children. You may still be an only child when you eventually read this. But know this, Caleb Austin Starkey, you're enough! My heart is whole and full. Your precious smile, beautiful curls, sweet personality, and adorable giggle have filled our lives and our home with more joy than you could ever imagine. I'm so thankful for you, my son!
As much as Dad and I love you, God loves you MORE!
I know it's true in my head, but it's hard to imagine how anyone could possess more love for you than me, but God does! He created you in His image. He sent His one and only Son to die in order to pay the penalty for your sins. He has created a place for you in Heaven! All you have to do is accept Him. I hope and pray you have placed your faith in Him alone by the time you're reading this, but if you haven't, what are you waiting for?! Stop! Turn to Him! Admit that you're a sinner. Believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord. Confess it with your mouth. You cannot be good enough for Heaven. The standard is perfection, and you are not perfect. You have made mistakes. Just like me. We've already missed the mark. God cannot allow sin into Heaven, so it sounds like we're doomed! The penalty for sin is death. Death and Hell are what we truly deserve, but God loves us all SO MUCH that He sent Jesus to pay the price for us. Jesus died on the cross and took on the sin of the world. He arose on the third day, and defeated the grave! We serve a LIVING God, and I hope and pray every single day that you will trust in Him alone. The single most important decision of your life is the decision to follow Jesus. Let Him work in and through you, Caleb. Nothing will make this mama's heart more proud!
We'll never stop loving and fighting for you, Caleb Austin. You're such an answered prayer, and I'll continue to thank God for making me your mom forever! Now hurry up and finish reading this so you can come snuggle your mama! I love you!
Love,
Your Forever Mama
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