Back in January when we were matched with Caleb's first mama, we didn't learn anything about the biological father. All we knew was that he didn't even know about the pregnancy or adoption. When we were in the hospital in Charlotte waiting to meet Caleb, the attorney sat down with us to have us sign a few documents and go over everything with us. At this point, we received a questionnaire that Mama A had filled out detailing basic facts about her history and the birth dad. We learned quite a bit about Mama A and her family history, but there was very little info about the father. It was really just some basic facts about physical appearance. No information about medical or genetic history on him, nothing about his personality, just general skin color, hair type, eye color, etc. However because of some comments from Mama A's mother in the hospital, we weren't even sure if the information about race was accurate! There were so many unknowns.
Over the past 7 months, we have gotten to know Mama A a little bit. It has already been a rocky experience. She is very sweet, but she's dealing with the grief that comes with adoption. She has been through A LOT, most of which we don't even know about. However, we are working to maintain a strong relationship with her because she's a hero, and she loves our boy!
Through all these months and conversations, I haven't even attempted to ask about the birth father. I just never felt like it was the right time, but I've been hopeful that this relationship would lead to information about Caleb's first dad.
It finally happened! I won't go into details, but we finally have a little information! We finally have just a handful of facts we can share with Caleb one day. Even better, we know that this man now knows about Caleb's existence. I can't even begin to imagine what he's going through right now. I know that he has shed tears and is very eager to learn more about our boy.
I don't know what lies ahead with Caleb's first dad right now. This is still new for us. Who am I kidding, navigating through adoption is all still new for us! All I do know is that Caleb Austin Starkey deserves parents who will honor his background. Parents who will strive to do whatever is best for him. Always. We will always try to learn more about his first parents. The ones who gave him life. The ones who genuinely love him. If it makes sense and will benefit Caleb, we'll try to allow them to be part of his life. If it makes more sense to keep more distance, we'll do that. Whatever will help our boy is what we'll do!
We learn more and more all the time how hard adoption is. Being Caleb's parents and wanting to maintain connections to his biological family is difficult. Not only are they halfway across the country and in another time zone, but they have busy lives with jobs and children. But they are part of Caleb. They have a deep love for him that I can see. If staying in touch means our sweet boy has all the answers he needs as he grows, we'll gladly do it.
Do I have fears? Yes. I'd be lying if I said I didn't. We're trusting God and His ultimate plan. The Lord brought our perfect, handsome, smiley boy into our lives, hearts, home, and family. He opened our hearts in a way only He could to the decision to have a more open relationship with Caleb's birth mom. He has bonded our hearts to our son in ways I'll never be able to explain. I have full confidence that He will lead the way as we navigate this entire process. Adoption isn't over at finalization. It's a lifelong journey, and I feel incredibly privileged to get to walk this journey with Austin and Caleb!
Pray for Caleb's first parents. Their hearts will probably always grieve for Caleb. I pray they continue to find peace and joy through the pictures, videos, and FaceTime chats with the world's happiest baby boy! Pray for us as we make decisions for Caleb's future. All we want is for Caleb to lead a happy and full life. Also pray for our boy! He has so much love all around him! From his own home, from all our friends and family, and all the way from North Carolina! Pray that he NEVER questions all that love!
***Let me just add that every single adoption is different. Some adoptions CANNOT be open for various reasons. All adoptive parents have to do what's right for their child, and relationships with birth parents are NOT always the best option. Everyone is just doing the best they can with the information they have!
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