Dear Caleb,
If you're reading this, it means you're much older than you are right now as I'm typing. You may be going through a tough time. You may be questioning a lot of things about your adoption. Or maybe not! No matter where you are emotionally when you read this, there are a few things I need you to know. Things I'm sure I've said to you many times through the years.
I love you.
That's a major understatement! I've loved you since January 25, 2019 when I found out about you. Then I met you on Valentine's Day when you were just 24 hours old, and my heart practically burst from my chest. Every day since then, I have loved you more and more deeply. I think every day, "How could I possibly love this kid more than I do right now?!" Then the next day rolls around, and it happens! Even more love!
Your first mama loves you.
My precious son, you have to know how much this woman loves you. She chose a life for you that she was unable to provide. I know you were just a couple days old, so you don't remember, but I witnessed the most selfless human love I've ever seen in that Charlotte, NC. hospital room on February 15, 2019. I saw the love in her eyes. I listened to her talk to you. I watched her hold you. Then she handed you to me, and my heart rejoiced and shattered all at once. She didn't choose adoption because she didn't want you. She chose adoption because she so desperately wanted the best possible life for you. Don't you EVER doubt her love for you, sweet boy.
Your village is amazing.
So many people, many who you will probably never even meet, have supported your adoption. They love your story. They love YOU! You have been loved on so well, and you're actually kind of a celebrity! You have inspired so many people in countless ways. Some are being inspired to adopt. Some have been inspired to help others adopt. Many have learned through your story about how beautiful adoption truly is. You're so loved, bud!
There's nothing your dad and I wouldn't do for you.
My sweet Caleb, we fought for you before we ever knew you! We will never stop fighting for you! Every single effort was to bring you home with us, and we'd do it a thousand times over just for you. As you continue to grow, you must remember that we will ALWAYS be there. Through the good, bad, ugly, scary, exciting, joyful, EVERYTHING. You can always turn to your mom and dad, and we'll be there waiting.
You were THE plan.
Your adoption was never 'Plan B.' We decided to pursue adoption because God put it on our hearts. God planned for your adoption since the beginning of time. He knew! He orchestrated every single moment that led us to you. He strategically placed people in our lives who would help us along the way. Don't you ever let Satan convince you that you were a backup plan. The Bible says in John 10:10, "The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." Caleb, the enemy wants to convince you that adoption isn't beautiful. He wants you to feel broken. He wants to steal your joy, kill your happiness, and destroy your life. Your dad and I, correction, your whole village will not let that happen. Trust in Him, baby boy. Remember the blessings of adoption. Remember that we as Christians are all adopted into the family of God, and we can have an abundant life in Him. Rest in that.
You're enough.
Right now as I type this, I can see you on the baby monitor as you sleep. Dad is working the night shift. I keep looking at you in amazement that you're MINE! We may never have more children. You may still be an only child when you eventually read this. But know this, Caleb Austin Starkey, you're enough! My heart is whole and full. Your precious smile, beautiful curls, sweet personality, and adorable giggle have filled our lives and our home with more joy than you could ever imagine. I'm so thankful for you, my son!
As much as Dad and I love you, God loves you MORE!
I know it's true in my head, but it's hard to imagine how anyone could possess more love for you than me, but God does! He created you in His image. He sent His one and only Son to die in order to pay the penalty for your sins. He has created a place for you in Heaven! All you have to do is accept Him. I hope and pray you have placed your faith in Him alone by the time you're reading this, but if you haven't, what are you waiting for?! Stop! Turn to Him! Admit that you're a sinner. Believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord. Confess it with your mouth. You cannot be good enough for Heaven. The standard is perfection, and you are not perfect. You have made mistakes. Just like me. We've already missed the mark. God cannot allow sin into Heaven, so it sounds like we're doomed! The penalty for sin is death. Death and Hell are what we truly deserve, but God loves us all SO MUCH that He sent Jesus to pay the price for us. Jesus died on the cross and took on the sin of the world. He arose on the third day, and defeated the grave! We serve a LIVING God, and I hope and pray every single day that you will trust in Him alone. The single most important decision of your life is the decision to follow Jesus. Let Him work in and through you, Caleb. Nothing will make this mama's heart more proud!
We'll never stop loving and fighting for you, Caleb Austin. You're such an answered prayer, and I'll continue to thank God for making me your mom forever! Now hurry up and finish reading this so you can come snuggle your mama! I love you!
Love,
Your Forever Mama
Saturday, August 24, 2019
Finalization & Party!
It's official! Caleb is legally our boy forever!
Caleb Austin Starkey, you were worth it all!
August 21, 2019 was our finalization date! We woke up extra early and left the house around 6 am! The hearing was in Ft. Worth at the Tarrant County Family Law Center, and some of our closest family and friends came to witness this exciting day! We met a representative from the attorney's office around 8 am, and she pulled us aside for a moment to explain how everything would go. Then we went with our crew down the courtroom and waited outside the door. Another family went right before us. When it was our turn, butterflies filled my stomach! We all went right up the the judge and stood before him. The rep from the attorney's office began right away and asked Austin questions. Has Caleb been in our home for at least 6 months? Has he been seen by a doctor? Do you promise to love him and be his father forever? (There were a few more, but that's the gist!) Then she turned to me and asked if she were to ask me the same questions, would my answers be the same as Austin's, and then she asked if I promised to love and care for Caleb and be his mother forever. YES! Then the judge declared the adoption final and pronounced that his name be changed to Caleb Austin Starkey! DONE! Everyone cheered, and it was the sweetest moment! The judge invited us to come up with him and take pictures with the whole family. Then at the end, he told all the kids to come take a stuffed animal from a box in the back! The whole thing was less than 10 minutes, but it was the most aniticipated 10 minutes of our lives!! haha Afterward, we took a few pictures with family as the attorney's rep went and brought us copies of Caleb's official adoption decree! It was the best day!
Fast forward 3 days to today, Caleb's Superman party! I have been planning this party for awhile. I wanted it to be so perfect! I bought die cuts of Superman and the Superman emblem and other cut outs to use as photo props. Superman garland, Superman balloons, cake, hot dogs, and so many sweet family and friends loving on our precious boy! It was so much fun! Hot, but fun! lol I'm so thankful for our village of people who have supported our adoption. I will truly never be able to accurately put into words what the support, encouragement, and prayers have meant to us.
It's so surreal to know it's done. Adoption lasts forever, and we will always deal with Caleb's adjustments to it all as he grows, however knowing that the legal aspect is forever done is such a relief! This was a good week! Good is good, and we are blessed!
Caleb Austin Starkey, you were worth it all!
August 21, 2019 was our finalization date! We woke up extra early and left the house around 6 am! The hearing was in Ft. Worth at the Tarrant County Family Law Center, and some of our closest family and friends came to witness this exciting day! We met a representative from the attorney's office around 8 am, and she pulled us aside for a moment to explain how everything would go. Then we went with our crew down the courtroom and waited outside the door. Another family went right before us. When it was our turn, butterflies filled my stomach! We all went right up the the judge and stood before him. The rep from the attorney's office began right away and asked Austin questions. Has Caleb been in our home for at least 6 months? Has he been seen by a doctor? Do you promise to love him and be his father forever? (There were a few more, but that's the gist!) Then she turned to me and asked if she were to ask me the same questions, would my answers be the same as Austin's, and then she asked if I promised to love and care for Caleb and be his mother forever. YES! Then the judge declared the adoption final and pronounced that his name be changed to Caleb Austin Starkey! DONE! Everyone cheered, and it was the sweetest moment! The judge invited us to come up with him and take pictures with the whole family. Then at the end, he told all the kids to come take a stuffed animal from a box in the back! The whole thing was less than 10 minutes, but it was the most aniticipated 10 minutes of our lives!! haha Afterward, we took a few pictures with family as the attorney's rep went and brought us copies of Caleb's official adoption decree! It was the best day!
Fast forward 3 days to today, Caleb's Superman party! I have been planning this party for awhile. I wanted it to be so perfect! I bought die cuts of Superman and the Superman emblem and other cut outs to use as photo props. Superman garland, Superman balloons, cake, hot dogs, and so many sweet family and friends loving on our precious boy! It was so much fun! Hot, but fun! lol I'm so thankful for our village of people who have supported our adoption. I will truly never be able to accurately put into words what the support, encouragement, and prayers have meant to us.
It's so surreal to know it's done. Adoption lasts forever, and we will always deal with Caleb's adjustments to it all as he grows, however knowing that the legal aspect is forever done is such a relief! This was a good week! Good is good, and we are blessed!
Tuesday, August 20, 2019
What I've Learned
Tomorrow is the big day! Adoption Day!! It used to seem so far away!
I'm a reflective person in general, so I like to look back to see all I've learned and all the Lord has done! So allow me to explain some of the major things I've learned through this adoption process!
1. Never put limits on God!
Goodness gracious, this is a big one! This lesson began with words from my dad last October. We found out the agency we were initially using was not accepting families who had gender or race preferences. I've shared this before, but we had to discuss the race aspect. We hadn't considered adopting a baby of a different race, and race is a big deal in some ways, and no big deal at all in others. We were afraid we wouldn't have the right words to say as the child grew up and began asking questions about race. I told my dad about the information from the agency and he said two things that will forever be on repeat in my mind. 1.) You believe adoption is where God is leading you. Are you going to put limits on God? Woah. It's not my place to lead God's calling on ours lives. God DID lead us to adoption, and God cannot be limited. And 2.) You're going to look at a little kid running around in a few years and think, "I can't believe I almost missed this!" InstaTears! So. Much. Truth. I look at my baby boy every day and think I can't believe I almost missed this because we were too small minded in the beginning!
2. Adoption is hard!
Boy oh boy, that's a major understatement! Adoption is the hardest thing I've ever done. It's expensive, tedious, unpredictable, and emotional. There's so much to learn, so many steps in the process, and tons of research to do. Some aspects of the process are super confusing, while some are simply monotonous. It's like having to prove yourself over and over and over and over again. It's incredibly hard, but it's worth every second!
3. People WANT to help!
This aspect of adoption has completely blown me away time and time again! People truly want to help; they just don't know how until you tell them! Everyone knows we could not afford adoption outright on police and teacher salaries. (But really, who CAN?!) We needed help. I read so many articles and joined several Facebook groups, which is where I learned that adoption fundraising is a thing! I was so uncomfortable with it in the beginning, but I knew we needed the help. As soon as I shared our fundraising ideas, our village stepped up in a BIG way! I was constantly in awe! So many purchased tshirts, bought ice cream, bought jewelry, donated and purchased from our auction and garage sale, filled M&M tubes, hosted parties, ordered Santa letters, allowed us to babysit, or outright gave donations! After we were matched, all I had to do was say it's a boy, and I had friends who went shopping THAT NIGHT! Countless people passed along baby clothes. Tons showed up to the baby shower. We hardly had to buy anything! When we were trying to figure out transportation and lodging in NC, several reached out offering airline miles. A few reached out to relatives and friends around the Charlotte area. STRANGERS opened their home, hearts, and church to us for two weeks! They brought dinner, loved on Caleb, offered their help in any way, and acted as the Body of Christ.
Yall, people WANT to help. Let them! And look for opportunities to help others too!
4. Adoption is emotional!
The absolute most emotional thing I've ever endured. Heartbreak. Fear. Excitement. Confusion. Joy. And so much more. If you ever decide to adopt, you will undoubtedly experience every emotion you can possibly imagine. I have sobbed tears of sorrow and joy. I've sulked on the couch over rejections. I've begged God to make sure each baby went to a good, loving home where they could learn about Him. I've watched the bravest woman I've ever met hold her child and then hand him over to me. I've just about fallen to my knees as I grieve for her and for my son who was just separated from his first mama. I've bawled like a baby as I held my beautiful boy for the first time in complete awe of God and His perfect plan. I could go on and on! Tomorrow I'm sure I'll weep tears of relief and joy as a judge pronounces sweet Caleb OURS! The emotions are unending, and they are all so very bittersweet!
5. Birth parents are heroes.
I've shared my feelings about Caleb's birth mom several times, but I'll do it again. I love her. I'm so grateful that she chose LIFE for Caleb. She handed me her heart in that hospital room and trusted me to take care of it. Please PLEASE let's all help remove the stigma of adoption. Don't EVER look down on the women who place their children for adoption. It's a MUCH harder decision than you or I will ever understand, but the decision is completely selfless. They will grieve the loss for the rest of their lives most likely, and they do NOT need others' judgments. If you don't understand how someone could 'give up' their child, it probably means you don't know what it's like to walk in their shoes. You probably have some kind of support system or job. You probably don't have an addiction controlling your life. You probably don't get it. And the truth is I don't either. But I can recognize an act of love when I see one, and adoption is the ultimate act of love! Applaud those who choose LIFE even when it's hard.
6. Adoption requires faith.
Adopting Caleb has been the biggest leap of faith we've ever taken. Hands down. We were terrified of the process, the potential heartbreak, the cost, the relationship with a birth mother, everything. So scared. We took the leap and had to constantly look to God. We had to trust that He had us in His hands. That didn't mean we wouldn't experience hard times, but we knew it would all be okay as long as we trusted Him alone.
7. Adoption is unpredictable!
Listen, we were told when we started the whole process that it could take a couple years. Four months later, we brought Caleb home. We never in a million years could have predicted it would happen so quickly for us. I know God was at work. We were meant for Caleb, and Caleb was meant for us, and Caleb came four months after we started! God also knew we were going to have major struggles later, and Caleb would be our little miracle. We needed Caleb.
Our journey went quickly, but most do not happen that way. Adoption truly can take years. Some people experience failed matches, where the birth mother decides to parent the baby instead of placing him/her for adoption. Some experience rejection after rejection after rejection. There's no way to predict how each story will unfold. While ours happened fast, we still had bumps. We had pain. We had rejections. You just never know what lies ahead.
8. Finally, adoption is WORTH IT!
Let me say it again! ADOPTION IS WORTH IT! Domestic infant adoption, international adoption, foster care, independent adoption...the list goes on. No matter what route taken, adoption is hard and full of ups and downs. At the end of it all, when you look down and see a child the Lord created with a purpose in mind, all the hardships fade away. All that matters is that precious life. It's worth it. Every tear. Every penny. Every struggle. Every fundraiser. Every frustration. Every FaceTime call. Every article. Every vent session. Every piece of paperwork. Every home visit. If that's what it took to bring our Caleb home to us, I'd do it a thousand times over again. Adoption is life changing for everyone involved, and I thank God every single day for the life He entrusted to us! Caleb is worth it!
Tomorrow I'll stand with Austin and Caleb surrounded by precious family and friends as our baby boy officially and legally becomes our own! Don't worry, there will be videos and pictures to document all the tears! Tomorrow will be almost as surreal as the day I held Caleb in my arms for the first time! Tomorrow will be such a good day!
To every supporter, THANK YOU! Thank you for your encouragement, donations, support, love, and kind words! We're so grateful you've chosen to be part of our village!
To Austin, you're the ONLY one who could have possibly put up with all these emotions for the past 10 months! You're the most wonderful husband and the best daddy!
To Caleb, oh my sweet boy! Dada and I love you more than you'll ever understand. Or at least until you become a dad, but let's not get ahead of ourselves! You're worth it all, buddy! You're more than worth it!
I'm a reflective person in general, so I like to look back to see all I've learned and all the Lord has done! So allow me to explain some of the major things I've learned through this adoption process!
1. Never put limits on God!
Goodness gracious, this is a big one! This lesson began with words from my dad last October. We found out the agency we were initially using was not accepting families who had gender or race preferences. I've shared this before, but we had to discuss the race aspect. We hadn't considered adopting a baby of a different race, and race is a big deal in some ways, and no big deal at all in others. We were afraid we wouldn't have the right words to say as the child grew up and began asking questions about race. I told my dad about the information from the agency and he said two things that will forever be on repeat in my mind. 1.) You believe adoption is where God is leading you. Are you going to put limits on God? Woah. It's not my place to lead God's calling on ours lives. God DID lead us to adoption, and God cannot be limited. And 2.) You're going to look at a little kid running around in a few years and think, "I can't believe I almost missed this!" InstaTears! So. Much. Truth. I look at my baby boy every day and think I can't believe I almost missed this because we were too small minded in the beginning!
2. Adoption is hard!
Boy oh boy, that's a major understatement! Adoption is the hardest thing I've ever done. It's expensive, tedious, unpredictable, and emotional. There's so much to learn, so many steps in the process, and tons of research to do. Some aspects of the process are super confusing, while some are simply monotonous. It's like having to prove yourself over and over and over and over again. It's incredibly hard, but it's worth every second!
3. People WANT to help!
This aspect of adoption has completely blown me away time and time again! People truly want to help; they just don't know how until you tell them! Everyone knows we could not afford adoption outright on police and teacher salaries. (But really, who CAN?!) We needed help. I read so many articles and joined several Facebook groups, which is where I learned that adoption fundraising is a thing! I was so uncomfortable with it in the beginning, but I knew we needed the help. As soon as I shared our fundraising ideas, our village stepped up in a BIG way! I was constantly in awe! So many purchased tshirts, bought ice cream, bought jewelry, donated and purchased from our auction and garage sale, filled M&M tubes, hosted parties, ordered Santa letters, allowed us to babysit, or outright gave donations! After we were matched, all I had to do was say it's a boy, and I had friends who went shopping THAT NIGHT! Countless people passed along baby clothes. Tons showed up to the baby shower. We hardly had to buy anything! When we were trying to figure out transportation and lodging in NC, several reached out offering airline miles. A few reached out to relatives and friends around the Charlotte area. STRANGERS opened their home, hearts, and church to us for two weeks! They brought dinner, loved on Caleb, offered their help in any way, and acted as the Body of Christ.
Yall, people WANT to help. Let them! And look for opportunities to help others too!
4. Adoption is emotional!
The absolute most emotional thing I've ever endured. Heartbreak. Fear. Excitement. Confusion. Joy. And so much more. If you ever decide to adopt, you will undoubtedly experience every emotion you can possibly imagine. I have sobbed tears of sorrow and joy. I've sulked on the couch over rejections. I've begged God to make sure each baby went to a good, loving home where they could learn about Him. I've watched the bravest woman I've ever met hold her child and then hand him over to me. I've just about fallen to my knees as I grieve for her and for my son who was just separated from his first mama. I've bawled like a baby as I held my beautiful boy for the first time in complete awe of God and His perfect plan. I could go on and on! Tomorrow I'm sure I'll weep tears of relief and joy as a judge pronounces sweet Caleb OURS! The emotions are unending, and they are all so very bittersweet!
5. Birth parents are heroes.
I've shared my feelings about Caleb's birth mom several times, but I'll do it again. I love her. I'm so grateful that she chose LIFE for Caleb. She handed me her heart in that hospital room and trusted me to take care of it. Please PLEASE let's all help remove the stigma of adoption. Don't EVER look down on the women who place their children for adoption. It's a MUCH harder decision than you or I will ever understand, but the decision is completely selfless. They will grieve the loss for the rest of their lives most likely, and they do NOT need others' judgments. If you don't understand how someone could 'give up' their child, it probably means you don't know what it's like to walk in their shoes. You probably have some kind of support system or job. You probably don't have an addiction controlling your life. You probably don't get it. And the truth is I don't either. But I can recognize an act of love when I see one, and adoption is the ultimate act of love! Applaud those who choose LIFE even when it's hard.
6. Adoption requires faith.
Adopting Caleb has been the biggest leap of faith we've ever taken. Hands down. We were terrified of the process, the potential heartbreak, the cost, the relationship with a birth mother, everything. So scared. We took the leap and had to constantly look to God. We had to trust that He had us in His hands. That didn't mean we wouldn't experience hard times, but we knew it would all be okay as long as we trusted Him alone.
7. Adoption is unpredictable!
Listen, we were told when we started the whole process that it could take a couple years. Four months later, we brought Caleb home. We never in a million years could have predicted it would happen so quickly for us. I know God was at work. We were meant for Caleb, and Caleb was meant for us, and Caleb came four months after we started! God also knew we were going to have major struggles later, and Caleb would be our little miracle. We needed Caleb.
Our journey went quickly, but most do not happen that way. Adoption truly can take years. Some people experience failed matches, where the birth mother decides to parent the baby instead of placing him/her for adoption. Some experience rejection after rejection after rejection. There's no way to predict how each story will unfold. While ours happened fast, we still had bumps. We had pain. We had rejections. You just never know what lies ahead.
8. Finally, adoption is WORTH IT!
Let me say it again! ADOPTION IS WORTH IT! Domestic infant adoption, international adoption, foster care, independent adoption...the list goes on. No matter what route taken, adoption is hard and full of ups and downs. At the end of it all, when you look down and see a child the Lord created with a purpose in mind, all the hardships fade away. All that matters is that precious life. It's worth it. Every tear. Every penny. Every struggle. Every fundraiser. Every frustration. Every FaceTime call. Every article. Every vent session. Every piece of paperwork. Every home visit. If that's what it took to bring our Caleb home to us, I'd do it a thousand times over again. Adoption is life changing for everyone involved, and I thank God every single day for the life He entrusted to us! Caleb is worth it!
Tomorrow I'll stand with Austin and Caleb surrounded by precious family and friends as our baby boy officially and legally becomes our own! Don't worry, there will be videos and pictures to document all the tears! Tomorrow will be almost as surreal as the day I held Caleb in my arms for the first time! Tomorrow will be such a good day!
To every supporter, THANK YOU! Thank you for your encouragement, donations, support, love, and kind words! We're so grateful you've chosen to be part of our village!
To Austin, you're the ONLY one who could have possibly put up with all these emotions for the past 10 months! You're the most wonderful husband and the best daddy!
To Caleb, oh my sweet boy! Dada and I love you more than you'll ever understand. Or at least until you become a dad, but let's not get ahead of ourselves! You're worth it all, buddy! You're more than worth it!
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