Birth Mother Profiles

We have reached an incredibly overwhelming stage of this adoption process. It's so overwhelming, in fact, that I considered keeping this part private. However, I have had numerous people recently who have told me that they are so grateful for how open I have been about everything because they have been considering adoption and this has helped them to understand the process.

So...here it is.
We got an email on Saturday night, December 22nd, with our first birth mother profile to review. I will not go into any details about this woman, but I'll just explain process!

We received the email with the birth mother profile. The adoption specialist said we could review the information and let her know if we would like to be presented to that birth mother. We needed to act quickly.
In this profile, we were completely shocked by just how much information we were able to learn about this woman. (This was our first profile to view, so it was new for us!) We learned her first name, race, medical background, brief family history, her reason for choosing adoption, her picture, and quite a bit more info. It was VERY helpful for us. We also learned as much as the agency knew about the birth father.

Before we could even finish discussing the profile, we got ANOTHER profile! Within a matter of minutes, we had TWO expectant women to learn about very quickly!

We read each profile and decided we would like to be presented to both! I emailed the adoption specialist back and told her, and she sent our profile to each of the women. They would have a few days to look through a few different families' profiles and choose one to adopt their babies.

Then...WE WAITED!

Oh, the wait! That was the 22nd. I knew it would take a few days, and the adoption specialist said Christmas would mean it could take even longer, but even knowing it would be a few days, those two women and those two babies are ALL I have been thinking about!

Today, December 26th, we got an email that the first woman chose a different family.

I'm not going to lie, my hopes were up! I was disappointed when I read that email. Not crushed. Not devastated. Just disappointed. I did tear up. I told Austin it was the exact same feeling as seeing a negative pregnancy test. It's a hard feeling. It's VERY easy to jump to, "Why not us? I wonder what they saw in another couple that they didn't see in us." Ugh! I hate that! This was the FIRST birth mother! We have been told to basically expect the unexpected. It could be tomorrow, or it could be 6 months from now! But reading those words that the birth mother chose a different family stings a little! However, after I had my little pity party for myself, I was reminded that this was not our baby. God designed that sweet baby for another family. Who knows how long that family had been waiting for that wonderful news! Maybe a week, or maybe a year! All I do know is that there is a family celebrating right now, and in April they will bring their missing piece home!

The other thing I know is that our missing piece is still out there! We are still waiting to hear back from the second birth mother from this weekend. The adoption specialist said she has another profile that will go out this week sometime. Our time is coming! Our baby is coming! The waiting is really hard! I stare at my phone. I check my email about 50 times a day. I try to keep my phone on loud, and when I can't, it's on vibrate. It's rough! However, these first two profiles have given us immense hope! We understand this stage of the process so much better now! We are comforted in knowing that we will learn a crazy amount of information about each birth mother, which will help us to make wise decisions. It's a very difficult phase, but it's a really great phase as well. We get to specifically pray for expectant mothers by name with a picture of them in our minds. THAT is really amazing! Each woman who comes across our email will be smothered in prayer, and so will their baby, whether they choose us or not!

You can join us in prayer!
1. Pray for the birth mothers. They are making HUGE and SELFLESS decisions. Pray that God comforts them and gives them guidance.
2. Pray for those babies! We are seeing REAL women now who are carrying REAL babies. This is no longer a hypothetical situation. Pray for their little lives!
3. Pray for us! I just THOUGHT this journey was an emotional roller coaster. Ha! That was before I saw the names, faces, and background stories of the women involved. This is so hard! The waiting. The hoping. The unknowns. The desperate praying. It's draining, and it has only just begun!

**I do not plan to share a post every time we receive a profile or a no. However, I do want others who are considering adoption to learn through our experience. I also want our many supporters and prayer warriors to know what's going on. I'll share what I feel is appropriate to share!

The Story of Hannah

The story of Hannah praying for Samuel has been my favorite Bible story since I was a little girl. I can remember my grandpa asking me what my favorite story was when I was so young. I probably couldn't even read yet, but I answered the story of Hannah was my favorite. I have always loved it! Then a few years ago, I was working as the Bible study coordinator at Daniel Springs Baptist Camp with one of my all time favorite people who was my youth pastor in middle and high school, Jason Prewitt. One of the Bible studies was about Hannah that summer, and when Jason asked me which lesson I would like to teach to the adults at camp, I instantly said Hannah! This story clearly impacted me from a young age, but I was able to learn so much more from Hannah's example and faithfulness as an adult.

Allow me to give you a very quick summary of Hannah's story.
1. Hannah was married to Elkanah, but she was barren.
2. Hannah wanted a son desperately, so she fervently prayed to God and begged Him for a son and promised to give the child back to God.
3. God gave Hannah a son, and she named him Samuel.
4. Hannah gave Samuel back to God when he was still a child and left him at the house of the Lord.

Now that you've been reminded of the basics of the story, here are some of my takeaways. I have read this story MANY times. There's no telling, but it's definitely the passage I've read the most, but every single time I read it, God reveals something new to me! (Because God's just good like that!)

Hannah's Barrenness
Here's the thing I didn't mention in my summary. Hannah's husband had another wife, Peninnah, who had children. Hannah knew she could not have children, and she struggled with this. She wanted a child so badly. Not only did she struggle with infertility, but her husband's other wife had plenty of children. And not only did Peninnah have multiple kids, but my version of the Bible said she "provoked" Hannah. In other words, Peninnah was awful. She knew Hannah couldn't conceive, and she took every chance she got to brag about how many children she had. So Hannah is already so upset because she can't have a child, but there's added heartbreak because ANOTHER WOMAN is providing HER HUSBAND with children! Giving her husband what she cannot. And then bragging about it. (Seriously, I can't stand Peninnah!) Here's the amazing part, though! Elkanah, the husband, loved HANNAH MORE! 1 Samuel 1:5 says so! (Take that, Peninnah!) Hannah wept because she wanted a baby so badly, and Elkanah asked her, "Am I not better to you than 10 sons?" Poor Elkanah, he just didn't get it!

Infertility is so hard. I have not actually been diagnosed with fertility problems. I'm not prepared for that. Maybe one day, we'll seek testing and treatment, but for now focusing on adoption is all I want! So while I have no medical diagnosis, all I know is I'm not pregnant. I do understand Hannah's desire for a child. I do understand what it's like to hope and pray month after month for a second pink line on a plastic stick. (I mean, I know Hannah didn't have pregnancy tests, but you get the point.) I understand Hannah's heart.
Now, thankfully in modern day, it's illegal to have more than one spouse, so I cannot relate to her husband's other wife having loads of kids and bragging nonstop. What I CAN relate to is watching friends and family make pregnancy announcements and having to force a smile and a congratulations while doing my best to force back the tears. Oh, I understand. I understand the why not me moments and the why them moments. I understand holding a loved one's newborn and telling them how happy you are for them but staring at that baby just wondering when it will ever happen for you. It makes you feel terrible. You're genuinely happy for those having babies, but the jealousy is REAL. And it can be an ugly thing.
As far as Elkanah asking Hannah if he's enough for her...oh Elkanah. It's not a matter of enough or better than 10 sons. It's a matter of a desire deep within Hannah's heart to be a mother. I have not had this happen with Austin. He has never said anything like this. In fact, I asked him the other day if we had decided to pursue fertility testing and treatments instead of adoption and were told it was never going to happen for us, would he have been okay with it just being the two of us forever. He said, "I think I would have suggested adoption." I didn't take his answer as saying, "You're not enough for me." I took it as my husband has the same deep desire to be a parent as I do. When the Lord has embedded something within you, I believe He will fulfill it one way or another. For Elkanah, he already had children with Peninnah. I know he would have loved to have children with Hannah too, but he had what Hannah wanted already. He just didn't understand.

Hannah's Prayer Life
Listen, I know I've already spoiled the ending by telling you that Hannah does end up having a son, which is obviously an amazing miracle, but Hannah's prayer at the taberncale NEEDS to be noted! It's one of my favorite parts of the story! 1 Samuel 1:10 says, "And she was in bitterness of soul and prayed to the Lord and wept in anguish." A few verses later, it says that Hannah was not praying aloud, but her lips were moving, and she was sobbing. The priest, Eli, saw her and thought she was DRUNK! She explained to Eli that she had not been drinking, but that she "poured out her soul before the Lord." Then when she left, the Bible says her face was no longer sad.

There's just so much here. First of all, I don't know that I've ever prayed in a manner that caused anyone to think I was drunk! Yes, I have prayed through sobs to God, but I think Hannah was praying on a whole different level. She was in bitterness of soul and prayed and wept in anguish. She held NOTHING back. I believe she was praying BOLDLY. She begged God for a son and promised to give him back all the days of his life. She was not trying to bargain with God. She wasn't saying, "If you do this, I'll do this." She was telling God that the reason she wanted a son was to raise him for the Lord. Her entire purpose for wanting to become a mother was to bring honor and glory to God. Her heart was pure, and she spoke to God passionately. She did not whine to God and ask, "Why can't I have a baby?" (Which I have totally done. Many times.) I believe the reason she was praying so fervently was because she understood WHO she was praying to. She understand that God is able. She understood that God COULD make it happen. It wasn't a wish. It was fact. God could (and can) make a barren woman conceive a child. God can handle our deepest emotions, desires, disappointments, anger...HE CAN HANDLE IT! And Hannah knew that.

Hannah's Miracle
She had a baby! She prayed and believed that God would fulfill the desire which He had placed in her heart, and she had a baby boy. She named him Samuel, "Because I have asked for him from the Lord." I just can't imagine her excitement, happiness, and joy when she found out she was expecting. I wish I could have seen the look on her face when she held Samuel for the first time!

Here's the thing. Hannah's miracle does not happen for everyone. There are people who long to be parents. They pray and pray and try and try and go through treatment after treatment. Thousands of dollars are spent. Countless pregnancy tests. And it never happens. Does this mean they're praying wrong or that God loves them less or that God is not as faithful. NO. Absolutely not. It's hard to understand why God allows some to have biological children on their own with ease, while some must undergo treatments and years of waiting and hoping before finally conceiving, and then others try and try and try but never have biological children. I don't know why. All I can do is believe that God is good, and He is sovereign above all things. I know some people were meant to become parents through foster and/or adoption. Some are meant to be like parents to nieces, nephews, friends' children, church children, school children, etc. I believe that God will provide a peace that passes all understanding if we trust in Him.

Hannah's Faithfulness and Praise
Hannah made a vow to God that she would give her son back to him, and she meant it. So when Samuel was still very young, and she was finished nursing him, she took him back to the house of the Lord. She saw good old Eli who previously thought she had been drunk while praying, and she told Eli who she was. This is where a very well known verse comes from. She told Eli, "For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him." Then she told Eli she was giving Samuel back to God. She prayed again, but this time it wasn't out of anguish and bitterness. It was out of thankfulness and praise to God! Then they left, but Samuel stayed with Eli, where he learned from Eli and ministered there.

Okay, Hannah sounds crazy. She prayed and prayed and prayed for a son. She had the son. And she gave the son away. Confusing? It could be. But this brings me back to my point earlier. Her entire purpose for wanting to become a mother was to bring honor and glory to God. She desperately wanted Samuel FOR THIS REASON! She didn't dream of taking Samuel to tee-ball practice, reading him bedtime stories, and all the baby snuggles. She dreamed of having a child who would grow up to honor the Lord. That's it. Period. So when he was old enough, she kept her vow. Hannah would come and visit Samuel, but she didn't view Samuel as hers, but as God's.
So, I do dream of tee-ball practice, bedtime stories, and snuggles. However, I also dream of teaching our child Bible stories, praying with him or her, sobbing when he/she accepts Jesus as their Savior, and sending our child on church mission trips. I want to be the mom who goes to sporting events, has movie nights, and makes tons of memories, but I also want to be the mom who leads her children to the Lord. I love Hannah's example!

Samuel
Samuel grows up to be a great man of God. He becomes a prophet and a judge, and he was one of the most obedient and faithful of the The Old Testament, and it all started with his mother's bold prayers and faithful heart. Hannah intended to have a son who would serve God, and that's exactly what happened. See, GOD HAS A PLAN ALWAYS! It may not make sense at the time, but our lives are puzzle pieces part of God's greater picture, and He will complete them in His timing and will.

Hannah's story is so powerful. It can be used as a lesson on prayer, faithfulness, and obedience. Hannah is so relatable. From that nasty Peninnah to her husband who loved her but just didn't understand to her honest and passionate prayer...I'm just a Hannah fan. I have prayed countless prayers begging God to PLEASE give us a baby. Shortly after we decided to pursue adoption, I realized my prayers had not been for pregnancy, but for a baby. God meant for us to adopt our whole lives. We just didn't know! We thought our family would begin through a biological child, but it won't. And as I mentioned before, God truly does provide a peace that passes all understanding when you choose to trust Him alone. Do I hope to one day have a biological child? Yes! Very much so! Am I beyond thrilled that our first child is coming to us through adoption? More than I can ever express! I no longer cry each month that I am not pregnant. I do cry, but it's because adoption is HARD WORK! But the tears are not tears of anger, sadness, bitterness, or jealousy. They are tears of joy, excitement, nervousness, and sometimes frustration because the process is difficult. But I have a deep contentment and joy that we are on this path! We miscarried a baby right after we got married, and it still hurts my heart to think about. All I know right now is that if it had not happened, we would be expecting a baby any day now, which would be wonderful. However we wouldn't be pursing adoption. I am not grateful for a miscarriage. I am not glad it happened. However, I am so grateful and glad that through that heartbreak, God brought us here! I'm clinging to the story of Hannah, and I'm clinging to God's goodness and faithfulness.

1 Samuel 1:1-2:11 (But I'd encourage you to read past this point to see all that Samuel becomes!)

"It's Getting Real Now, Isn't It?!"

I spent some time this morning on the phone with an adoption specialist from our agency. She was walking me through the matching process and telling me what to expect. I had a lot of questions for her. At one point in the conversation, I was so tongue tied and couldn't get the right words out to ask my next question. I said, "I'm sorry. I'm not finding the right words." The sweet lady on the other end of the phone laughed and said, "It's getting real now, isn't it?"

YES! So real! Unbelievably and overwhelmingly REAL!

The way the matching process will work is that we will receive birth mother profiles via email as the agency receives them. The profiles will just be facts about the expectant mother and the baby. We'll find out the birth mom's first name, race, race of birth father, gender of baby if known, any known medical conditions that could affect the baby, and any drug use in the expectant mother. (There could be NO medical or drug information, but the agency will tell us any pertinent information that could affect the child's health.) We can spend a little time discussing the information we receive. Then we can decide if we want to be considered by that birth mother or not. If we say no, no big deal. They will send another profile when they get one. If we say yes, they will present our adoption profile to the birth mother.

At this point, the birth mother could have a few profiles to view. She will make a decision, and from there we could meet her, or not. It's all a case-by-case situation.

The agency does not begin matching birth mothers with families until they are at least 20 weeks pregnant. In other words, when we are matched, we will only have a MAXIMUM of 20 weeks until the baby is born! It could be much less! Once a match occurs, things happen quickly! She could be 20 weeks, or she could be 39 weeks! There's no telling!

The conversation I had with the adoption specialist was wonderful! It was exciting, and I hung up the phone and was filled with hope! Within the next couple of weeks, we will begin receiving profiles. We COULD match within the next month or less! Or we could match a year from now! (Honestly, I think it's going to be a lot sooner than a year, but only the Lord knows the timeline!) After the call ended, I immediately called Austin to tell him every detail! We're ecstatic!

I'm not going to lie, as excited as I am about potentially matching soon, I'm also nervous! My head is spinning! I keep thinking, "What if we match with someone next week and they're due a week later?" We have NOTHING for a baby! No car seat. No crib or baby bed of any kind. No baby clothes. No diapers. NOTHING!!! If we match and still have several weeks before the baby is due, we'll have some time to prepare, but what if it happens suddenly?! How much time will I be able to take off work? Surely not the typical 6 weeks that other mothers receive. Typically day cares won't take a baby until they are at least 6 weeks old. What if I can only take off 3 weeks? What will we do? Who will watch the baby during the day? What day care will we use after that? It's all SO CRAZY! I have answers to none of these questions. I work for a wonderful school district, and I know they will do what they can to help me with time off. We have the most amazing family, and I will never have to worry about having a plethora of babysitters! Not only do we have wonderful family, but incredible friends as well. If an emergency placement happens, which I honestly don't expect, but if it does, we have a village of loved ones who will be beating down our door to help us supply baby clothes, diapers, etc. I'm a thousand percent confident that no matter HOW it happens, it WILL happen, and it WILL be wonderful!

Here's what we need! PRAYER! Please, please, please PRAY for the birth mother who will choose us. Pray for her health and choices, and pray for the baby's health. Pray for wisdom for Austin and myself as we look through birth mother profiles of information. Pray that we make wise choices about who will be the right fit for us. Pray for our nerves, especially mine! That police officer of mine is so calm all the time, but I'm a worrier! Just PRAY! It's powerful!

We are so excited and nervous all at the same time! The unknowns are huge, but we have complete and total trust in God's perfect will and timing!

Adoption Profile!

After more than two months of working to get to this point, here we are! We are featured as a waiting family on our agency's website!! I'm providing a link here!

https://www.texasadoptioncenterfamilies.org/whitney-austin-adopt

I am fully aware that this is just words and photos on a screen. A ton of people may see it, or no one could see it. It could help bring us our baby, or not. Who knows! But this feels like a giant step forward! When I received the email today saying our site was up, I was just over the moon excited!

Let me explain what was involved in this process!
The agency told us we needed a profile book. The book will be shown to expectant mothers so they can see a glimpse into our lives and learn a little bit about us. This is our first impression! The agency recommended that we use Mixbook to create the book. (Or we could pay about $800 or more to have a professional do it for us. Um, no thank you!)

Texas Adoption Center has a section on their website where they showcase their waiting families' profiles. I began looking through these profiles. I was incredibly overwhelmed by this! Every profile had some similarities, but there were many differences. I had no idea where to start. I just kept looking at other profiles for insight and ideas.

I used Mixbook to make our guest sign in book for our wedding, but that was a cinch! I just uploaded photos, and I was done! I started a book on Mixbook and just got busy! I tried to tell our story as best as possible. I love color and emotion, and our book is definitely full of both! I finished the profile, ordered a book, requested a PDF, and sent it to the agency.

After our home study was finalized, the agency asked if we wanted to be featured on their website, and I said of course! The sweet lady I had been working with through it all up to this point got me in contact with someone else who manages the website. This person sent us a form to fill out with additional information. I wrote more about us, chose a bunch of pictures, added captions, and sent everything back. She worked quickly, and the next day, TODAY, I got an email from the woman with a link to our online profile! Ahhhhh!

I looked through it, and it's just perfect! I truly believe it shows who we are and how much we long for a sweet child!
It was so amazing to look at the waiting families section of the agency's website and see US! Right there by the others I used for guidance while making our book. We're out there now! Anyone can see our page and learn about us! They can see photos of us with our loved ones. They can read about how much we want to have a child. They can read about how desperately we pray for the woman who will give us her child.

It's so exciting, and it just got SO REAL! One step closer, Baby Starkey, one step closer!

December Fundraisers

I posted about some fundraisers at the very beginning of December, and I was honestly expecting to kind of take a break from fundraisers through the holidays...until multiple people reached out volunteering to hold some for us!

Santa Letters
Okay, I saw this idea online and didn't even consider it at first. For some reason, I just didn't think it would do well. I couldn't have been more wrong! I'm sitting here typing this on December 17th, and I have handwritten 57 letters in the past two weeks! I'm still taking letter orders for a couple of more days to ensure they arrive before Christmas, but even if I don't get anymore, I'm truly amazed! I've been selling them for $5 per letter, and they have been a hit! I have also really enjoyed writing them! Each letter has been unique. No two letters were the same! It has been fun, and I'm so grateful for each person who bought a letter! (And seeing the sweet reaction from the little ones that are posted to Facebook has been THE BEST!!!) We've made nearly $250!

Babysitting
I put the babysitting offer out there for holiday babysitting. There wasn't a huge response, but we ended up with a handful of nights and several precious kids! We played with trains, decorated cookies, had tickle fights, and watched Pokemon! We made about $130 on babysitting!

Premier Jewelry
One of my old college friends, Kayla, offered to hold an online Premier Jewelry party for us, and she is donating a portion of the sales to us! This was so sweet of her! She has such a heart for Jesus, children, and others. It was so fun to see some of the GORGEOUS Premier jewelry. (Seriously, yall have to check this jewelry out! Beautiful and versatile! Contact Kayla Day!) We are making about $150! Amazing and unexpected!

Matilda Jane
Another unexpected fundraiser! My friend, Crystal, sells Matilda Jane clothing and accessories. (I honestly hadn't heard of Matilda Jane before Crystal, but apparently I'm just out of the loop because people love it! It's CUTE stuff! Precious children's clothing!) Crystal held an online party also! I don't know yet how much we'll make off this one, but every penny helps!!

Color Street
Yet again, with the surprise fundraisers! My friend, Daphne, sells Color Street nails, and she offered to hold an online party as well! If you haven't tried out Color Street nail strips, you should!! Super easy and affordable, and their are countless beautiful designs! I don't know the result of this one either yet. It was so sweet of Daphne to do this for us!

Boon Supply
This is an online shopping fundraiser. The company is SUPER easy to work with. All I have to do is share the link to shop, and we get 50% of the sales! (I love these easy fundraisers!) This site has some really neat items! Lots of tote bags, jewelry, wrapping paper, candles, candy, popcorn, and more! I have only advertised this once, and I'm not going to again until after the holidays. There's just too much going on! We have already made a little money from this one though!!

Earrings
I included this in my previous fundraiser post, but the earrings are kind of ongoing, or at least until I sell out of them! I still have over 60 pair, ranging from $5 to $8. They're super cute, and I keep taking more for myself! So far, we have made about $240 profit from the earrings, and we have A LOT more to sell!

We will keep fundraising, but we're still looking for some creative ways to do so! I would like to put together another BIG event like our auction, but probably a yard sale this time. Not 100% on that yet, but it will be in the spring if it does happen. I'm constantly working and and thinking and brainstorming and researching the best ways to afford adoption. It's just such a huge undertaking, but it's going to be beyond worth it in the end.
We are incredibly grateful to all who have bought items, donated, hosted parties, suggested fundraisers. Most importantly, thank you to everyone who has PRAYED! Prayer is the most powerful tool we have, and we know the Lord is at work!

His Yoke is Easy. His Burden is Light.

This year has completely caught up to me. I'm tired.

I've said that I'm excited about a million times in the past two months. It's true! I AM EXCITED! I can't accurately describe how excited I am to one day, prayerfully soon, bring a sweet baby home. However, I don't think I've really explained that I'm also tired. Exhausted. Emotional.

Here are a few reasons why I have cried just in the past few days:
1. I watched a video of Sophie at her Christmas program from two years ago. I just couldn't believe how quickly time is flying!
2. Austin read sweet notes from some of my students.
3. I started season 6 of The Ranch. I won't spoil it, but there were some REALLY sad tears and some REALLY happy tears.
4. I thought about how badly I long to adopt and how badly I long to have a biological child. I want BOTH.
5. I was tired.

Ugghhhhh! Exhaustion intensifies ALL emotions.
I'm so tired, but I'm mostly tired of being so stinkin emotional. As I watch tv, a diaper commercial will come on. I'll see a tiny little baby with that sappy music playing and a woman smiling happily at her newborn, and I'll cry.
I'll see a tv show where a baby is born, and I'm done before it even begins! Insta-tears! I watch a woman in the show go through intense labor. She's in pain. She's exhausted. She's scared. Then she hears a little cry. Suddenly all the pain, all the worry, all the exhaustion is forgotten. She listens to the cry of her newborn child and begins asking the doctor if the baby is okay. The doctor says yes and places the little one on the new mama's chest, and that mom begins to cry. The dad is watching in awe! He's amazed at what his wife has just done. He's overcome with emotion as he looks at his child for the first time and realizes he's a dad! They both wipe tears and can't believe the gift they have just received.

And meanwhile, Whitney is on the other side of the tv screen just blubbering and praying her time will come and then looking at her husband saying, "I want a baby!"
There's truly no telling how many times this scenario has happened. Even on shows I've seen countless times. On Friends when Rachel looks at Emma for the first time and says, "I know you." Oh my gosh! Then, later in the series, when Monica looks at her newborn adopted baby boy and says, "I'm going to love you so much that no woman is ever going to be good enough for you!" I laugh and say, "That's going to be me!" And just last night, we were watching the I Love Lucy Christmas special. There is a flashback scene where Lucy tells Ricky she's going to have a baby, and Ricky sings, "We're Having a Baby, My Baby and Me." I long for these moments. Through adoption AND through biological birth. I want them both, and I pray for them both every single day.

There seems to be constantly something to do. Fix the profile book. Fill out another form. Search for different ways to raise money. Apply for grants. I am MORE than happy to do whatever it takes to bring home our sweet Baby Starkey. I'm also extremely worn out. Adoption is hard work. It's time consuming. It's expensive. It's emotional. As happy and excited as I am to be on this journey, I'm also frustrated that we aren't having a biological child, and who knows when we ever will! (Please understand, I DO NOT mean I wish we were having a biological baby INSTEAD OF adopting! I want both so badly. I can't even describe it! We could find out we're expecting today, and we would continue on our adoption journey. We could adopt a baby today, and we would continue praying for a biological baby too!)

Anyways, I've gone on far too long. There are just so many things going on. So many things to do. So many possibilities. So many fears. So many emotions. Christmas break is almost here, and it's much needed! (Thanksgiving break was completely consumed by our auction, which was FANTASTIC, but it didn't allow for much downtime at all!) This break is arriving at the perfect time, and I'm trusting in the Lord to give me rest. His Word says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."-Matthew 11:28-30

ON THE LIST!! And a few updates!

Sheesh, it was a lot of work to get to this point, but we're here! I feel like we're still in a period of limbo, through.

The past few days have been a whirlwind. What I have already learned through this journey is that things can change as any moment! In my last post, I shared that our home study was complete, which was a HUGE relief! However, I also shared some hiccups with our confirmation of funds that we needed to submit in order to be added to the agency's list of waiting families. I started that day feeling excited, and by the time I left school, I was so discouraged. We had to figure out $10,000 either in cash or through a loan ASAP.

Well, I got home from school, and my sweet husband was preparing to go work an overtime job. He told me he had just finished applying for another loan, one that is specifically for adoption. Within about 15 minutes, we received an email saying we had been pre approved for a $30,000 loan through this company! (As I've said in numerous post, we are not actually PAYING anything yet. We just had to show that we have access to the full amount of funds.)

Now that we had more than enough funds to show via bank statements and loan pre approval letters, I emailed the sweet woman from the agency. I forwarded everything to her. This was about 4:50 pm, and knowing the agency would still be open for about 10 more minutes, I called! I just needed to know they received my email! (I've officially gone crazy!) The sweet lady was wonderful and said she would add us to the waiting families list THAT NIGHT! I could have screamed with excitement!

Since then, I found out we needed to make one small change to our profile book. (After we already paid for it! Ah!) Another woman from the agency emailed me with a form to fill out MORE information that will be included on the agency's website for expectant mothers to view. I got busy working on all of these things!

The work is unending it seems. There is always something. Make a profile book. Change the profile book. Collect documents upon documents. Clean like crazy people for home visit. Send more info. Interview. Fundraise. Send more info. Send more info. Send more info. Apply for grants, which require...you guessed it! MORE INFO! I may be losing my mind. I may be drained in every sense of the word. I may have gone cross eyed from the amount of time I've spent reading and researching online. It will all be more than worth it, though! When we hold a sweet baby, it will all be worth it!

Home Study...COMPLETE!

I have been waiting patiently, or not so patiently, to finally be able to say that our home study is DONE!

This was a long process that we have been working on since October 2nd! (We began researching agencies in September, and we got our first email with information from Texas Adoption Center on October 2nd!) Now, on December 12, 2018, I can say that the home study is officially complete! Hallelujah!

This means a few things!
Grants-Now that we have a copy of our finalized home study, we can begin applying for adoption grants! There is a slim chance of getting each grant because SO many people apply for these, but we will do everything we can! I am about to spend all my spare time in grants upon grants upon grants!

The "List"-So we still have to submit our confirmation of funds before we can officially be on the list of waiting families. I've explained what the confirmation of funds entails in an earlier post, so I won't go into all of that again. I'll just give a quick update! We won't have to pay anything right now, but we need to show a bank statement and/or loan pre approval proving that we have access to around $40,000. We have a little less than $14,000 in savings and fundraising money, and we have a pre approval for a $15,000 loan. Sooo, that's just under $30,000. We need about $10,000 either in actual funds or pre approval, and we need it ASAP! Until we have access to the full amount, we can't be placed on their list, which means the matching process cannot begin! I woke up this morning with an extra pep in my step because I knew the home study would be finished today. During my lunch, I found out the loan amount we've been pre approved for, and my heart sank a little. I'm stressed! We are going to apply for yet another loan to hopefully make up the difference. (Again, we will not actually TAKE OUT this money until we absolutely have to when we need to make an adoption payment. We will continue fundraising and applying for grants until then.)

The final thing the completed home study means is that WE JUST GOT ONE GIANT STEP CLOSER TO BABY STARKEY!!!

We are closer, but we aren't there yet! Please pray! Pray for the final issue of the confirmation of funds to be sorted out. Pray for my heart! I'm so ready to move on to the next phase of this process, and I have been forcing back tears most of the day! Pray for the both of us as we make financial decisions that will affect our lives! Pray for wisdom to know what is best. Pray for the woman (whoever she is) who could already be pregnant with the sweet child we will adopt! Pray that the Lord comforts this woman as she makes hard choices. Pray for Baby Starkey above all! Just pray!

Instant Family

We saw Instant Family yesterday. I saw previews for it a couple of months ago, and then I forgot about it. Then a few weeks ago, my amazing sister-in-law, April, saw it for her birthday and recommended it! A few days later, a group of my 8th grade girls said they watched it and that I needed to. Lastly, my Nana told me some family friends saw it and said Austin and I should go!
After all of that, we decided to have a little day date yesterday! I expected to tear up, but OH MY GOSH! The floodgates opened within minutes after the movie began, and they continued until it was over!

I won’t ruin the movie for those who have not seen it, but the whole movie is about a married couple who decide to foster 3 siblings. It shows the struggles, the fears, the small victories, and ALL the emotions that can come with foster care.

We are not fostering, but I could still relate to this movie from start to finish. As I watched the couple interact with children needing a home, I couldn’t help but think of our situation. We plan to adopt a newborn. That sweet baby will not have had to go through trauma, like so many foster children have. That doesn’t make infant adoption any less important that foster care! We believe the Lord calls certain people to adopt, certain people to foster to adopt, and others to just foster. ALL are so important and needed.

Those who foster with no intention of adopting are providing a safe home to children who have clearly experienced instability of some kind. While biological parents are getting the help they need, foster parents are able to step in and love those kids. Hopefully when it’s time to go home, the biological parents have figured things out and are in a better place, and the children have been loved, taken care of, and supported.

Those who foster to adopt are opening their hearts and homes to babies, children, and/or teens who have likely experienced terrible things. Trauma. Neglect. Abuse. Drugs. There’s no telling. Fostering with intentions to adopt means making a lifelong commitment to love kids who have been broken and help them heal!

Infant adoption means you get to adopt a newborn who has no experiences yet. Good or bad. The biological parent(s), for whatever reason, know adoption will provide a life for the child that, in their current state, they cannot provide. I applaud women who place their babies for adoption, considering the fact that abortion is the EASIER, FASTER, and LESS PUBLIC option. They love that baby and value their life SO MUCH that they are willing to go through 9 months of pregnancy, labor, delivery, and ALL the emotions that come with adoption just to ensure that the child has the best life possible. Infant adoption means you get to adopt a child who could have ended up having a hard life or even ended up in foster care later anyway, and you get to provide stability and love from day one!

As I sobbed through the movie yesterday, I kept thinking about the child we will one day bring home. I wondered if it will be a boy or girl. White, black, Hispanic, Asian? What color hair and eyes? What will his or her little personality be like? What struggles will we have? We obviously have no idea about any of this, but as I watched, I felt like I had this connection to a child I've never met. A child who is not yet born. A child who may not have even been conceived yet! But yet I felt like MY BABY is just out there waiting for me! I know I sound crazy, but God has a little one planned for us, and yesterday, for the first time in my life, I felt like a MOM just waiting for her baby to come home.

Our home study should be finalized within the next week. I'm checking my email about 30 times a day for an update! As soon as that's done, we'll be on THE LIST just waiting for our own little Instant Family!

Grants

Did you know there are about 8 gazillion adoption grants out there? Me neither!

I had no idea before we started this adoption process that adoption grants were even a thing. However, they are, and there are a ton of them! It sounds fabulous, but each grant is SO specific, and you have to meet certain requirements to be considered. I've been doing so much research on grants, and they are kind of making me head spin.

Two Grant Types:
Regular Straightforward Grant-This is what most people are familiar with. You apply, and if you're accepted, you get money that you don't have to pay back! I mean, it doesn't get much better than free money! However, these are extremely difficult to obtain. There are so many people who apply for these grants, so chances of getting them are slim.

Matching Grant-This is where an organization agrees to match donations up to a certain amount. Most that I've seen are around $2,000-$3,000. For example, if we were approved for a $3,000 matching grant, people could donate to a fund for us through the organization, and any money that is raised will be matched by the organization up to $3,000. If we get $1,000 in donations, they only match $1,000. If we get $4,000 in donations, they still only match $3,000 of it.

I've found lists of grants, but not all of them are even possible for us. There are international adoption grants, domestic adoption grants, foster to adopt grants, home study grants, Christian adoption grants, Jewish adoption grants, infertility adoption grants, adoption travel grants, Texas adoption grants, single parent adoption grants, special needs adoption grants, biracial adoption grants, biracial/special needs adoption grants, income based adoption grants, merit based adoption grants....you get the point! There's sooooo many!

Once our home study is finalized, which should be withing the next week or two, you can probably guess how I'll be spending all my spare time! Thankfully the home study should be finished just in time for Christmas break, so I will have plenty of time to focus on grant applications! Prayers for this entire process are greatly appreciated!

All The Heart Eyes For Baby Starkey's Dad!

Okay, so I know I sound like a middle school girl, but I'm surrounded by middle school girls every day, so I can't help it!
For those unfamiliar with emoji talk, "heart eyes" is the emoji that literally has hearts for eyes!
😍

Baby Starkey is going to have THE BEST dad ever! Allow me to explain why!
1. Austin loves God first! Ever since we met, I've been able to see the love of Jesus within him. We strive to have a biblical marriage, and Austin does an incredible job as the spiritual leader of our home. He prays with and for me and our future child/children. He seeks to honor the Lord in everything he does.

2. Austin loves me well. Oh my goodness, his heart is so good. He wants me to be happy and taken care of, and I feel so undeserving of him! I know he's going to show a son how to treat women and a daughter what to look for in a man all in how he treats their mama!

3. He is  amazing with kids! Watching him with little ones melts my heart! Listen, I've always said I wanted a bunch of little boys, but I'm just a pile of goo when I see Austin's interactions with little girls! He's a hero to our nieces, and Sophie has said many times, "I'm going to marry a boy like Austin when I grow up!" I pray she does! No matter the gender, Austin is going to love Baby Starkey fiercely!

4. He works HARD! Everyone knows, I'm married to a police officer. He works long hours, many holidays, every other weekend, some days, some nights, and sometimes later than expected. I'm so proud of who he is and what he does. In addition to his regular shifts, Austin works A TON of overtime. He has worked quite a bit of overtime since I've known him, but the past couple of months since we made the decision to adopt, he has worked a lot more. It has become a rarity for him to have a day completely off. There are some days when he gets off from his regular shift and heads straight to an overtime job. On days when he should be off and resting, he's waking up early to work more! He does all of this and still manages to make plenty of time for us, go to church, and spend time with family. He's doing all of this to bring us closer to our sweet baby and all of our other life goals!

So needless to say, I'd send him all the heart eyes in the world if I could! I married such a good man, and I can never thank God enough for preparing Austin just for me. Our sweet baby is going to be infinitely blessed by his/her daddy! I absolutely cannot wait to watch Austin snuggling with a newborn, tickling a toddler, rough housing with a little kid, teaching a teenager to drive, forcing back tears at a graduation, walking a daughter down the aisle...okay, I'm stopping before the tears start. The bottom line is that I have the best possible partner in this journey! My husband is my best friend, and God made him to be a dad!

I Cried A Few Nights Ago

There was no big reason for the tears, but they came anyway.
As I've mentioned in an earlier post, in order to be added to our agency's list of waiting families after the home study is finalized, we must provide a confirmation of funds.

Let me explain how the payment system works with our agency. Every agency does things a little differently.
Application & Home Study Fees-This is paid at the very beginning. In order to even begin the home study, we must pay this. Altogether, that is about $2,300. We are past this step.
Confirmation of Funds-Our agency needs a bank statement or letter of pre-approval for a loan showing we will be able to pay the adoption fees throughout the rest of the process. We understand the need for this. This is a VERY costly venture, so why would the agency go through the entire process with us only to find out at the last minute that we're unable to pay? We must show the confirmation of funds when the home study is finalized, or we cannot be placed on their list of waiting families. (We must be able to show that we have access to around $40,000.)
Fees at Match-Our agency provided a table of a breakdown of average costs. Every single case is different, so our costs could be a little more or a little less. For those who don't know adoption lingo, because I certainly didn't before a couple of months ago, match is when we are matched with an expectant mother. There's more to it than this, but basically the agency reviews preferences of both hopeful adoptive families and expectant mothers. They provide the expectant mother with profile books where she can learn more about the families. She can choose to meet some. Then if the adoptive family and the expectant mother feel comfortable moving forward, it's considered a match. Within a few days of the official match, a large chunk of fees is due. On average, this amount through our agency is around $17,000. (Also, on average it takes about 6 months to be matched with our agency. Could be more or less!)
Fees at Placement-Placement is when the baby is born and the birth mother signs over her rights. The child is placed with the adoptive parents. (However, the adoption will not be finalized for several months after the birth, BUT we will be the legal guardians until then.) An even larger chunk of fees is due at placement, within days after the baby is born. On average, this amount through our agency is around $22,000. (The time between match and placement all depends on how far along the expectant mother is in her pregnancy. Obviously, the further along she is, the shorter amount of time we will wait!)

Our home study is just weeks away from being finalized, which means that confirmation of funds is needed quickly. We've discussed applying for a loan and submitting the pre-approval letter, which is what we're going to do. However, a few nights ago we were talking about how the loan will even work. The pre-approval will only be good for 30 days, and unless we're matched SUPER fast, we won't need it for a few months. We have over $12,000 through our personal adoption savings, fundraisers, and donations, which is AMAZING, but we're still a long way from what we'll need. A loan is inevitable, but we're trying to get the loan amount down as much as possible. How much will we need? Will we have to reapply later because 30 days have passed before we need it? Do we use the loan for the first big chunk so we can begin paying it off before the baby is born while we still have more wiggle room financially and hopefully pay it off faster and then use the money we have for the second big chunk when the baby is born? Or vice versa? The questions seem endless, and the answer to all of them is that we don't know!

Austin and I talked about the process, the pros and cons of different options, and I was so overwhelmed. I just couldn't stop the tears. It's all SO HARD. We are beyond grateful for every bit of help we've received so far! It's incredible! To have raised and saved over $12,000 within 2 months or so is unbelievable! Knowing this is going to cost us about $28,000 more than what we currently have is so hard to fathom! All of our extra money is going toward adoption. Austin is working so much overtime. He very rarely has a day completely off anymore. I'm constantly researching adoption fundraisers and grants. I'm trying to find ways to raise money without constantly asking our family and friends to give! I hate it! When I've been asked what I want for Christmas, my answer has consistently been adoption money! And I mean it!

I pray that sweet baby we bring home one day never questions just how wanted he/she is! We are fighting for this little life! We are working, sacrificing, fundraising, researching, and doing anything we can to not only bring him/her home, but to ensure that we aren't so loaded down in adoption debt that we can't give him/her the life they deserve! We want to put our child in sports and other activities. We want to be able to go new school clothes shopping with ease each August. We want to be able to splurge a little on Christmas. We want to make memories on family vacations. We want to save for college. We want to teach our child/children how to budget and tithe and make wise financial decisions that will honor God. This is why we are working so hard to limit the potential debt as much as possible!

As I've said so many times before, we're just trusting God and His perfect will. We will never understand it all, but we trust that He is working it all for good and for His honor and glory. No one loves children like our Savior does! We fully believe He is fighting for them even more than we are.

Fundraisers

In the spirit of wanting to remember everything years from now, I wanted to give a little synopsis of the fundraisers we've held and currently have going on!

T-Shirts
This was our very first fundraiser. We made about $500 with t-shirts. I love our We Are The Village shirts! I was searching different adoption shirt slogans, and I kept coming back to the village concept. We truly have an incredible village of family and friends supporting us! This shirt just made sense, and they're such sweet keepsakes!

Puzzle Pieces
This is an ongoing fundraiser. Pieces are purchased for $10 each, and we'll write names of contributors on the pieces. Then we'll hang the puzzle in our baby's room as a sweet reminder of those who helped bring our missing piece home to us! So far we've raised about $400 off that one!

Auction
I explained the auction in another post. It was HUGE! We definitely did not expect it to be as successful as it was! Roughly $7,000 was raised through the auction. We were so amazed by all the donors, bidders, and supporters! It was so stinkin much work, but it was beyond worth it!

Earrings
My sister, Brooke, gave me the idea for this one. We were able to buy a bulk amount of super cute earrings, and we're selling them for $5-$8 each. This one just started, and we have A BUNCH of earrings, so this will last awhile, but it has the potential to bring us $500-$800!

We are looking for more ideas for after the new year. We want to find ways to raise money without selling things! I know that sounds weird, but I feel so bad constantly asking people on Facebook to buy things from us! haha! I've seen companies that will pay you for clothing and shoe drives and things like that. I'm doing my research into opportunities like that, and hopefully we'll find just the right thing for after the holidays settle down!

In addition to fundraisers, as soon as our home study is complete, we will begin applying for as many grants as possible. Grants are difficult to obtain, but we're doing all that we can!

"What If..."

I mentioned some of the many "what ifs" that we have in an earlier post. I won't list them all again, but I'm going to write about one specifically that I've been asked many times recently.

"What if you're chosen by a birth mother and then she changes her mind at the hospital after she sees the baby?"

Well, I'll fall apart. Obviously. The goal in this entire journey is to bring a baby home, so if the birth mother decides to keep the baby, I'll be a complete mess.

Here's the thing. This IS a possibility. When we are matched with someone who is pregnant, they can't sign over their rights right then. In fact, they can't sign over their rights until 48 hours after the baby is born. Yes, that is going to be the LONGEST 48 hours of my life. This happens. I asked our home study writer when she was in our home a couple of weeks ago how often this happens. She said she worked about 15 adoptions in the last year, and 2 changed their minds at the hospital. So clearly, the majority of adoptions are successful, but there are some that don't happen.

This absolutely scares me. However, I can't dwell on this possibility.
Here's another fact that people don't like to talk about. Just like adoption is not guaranteed, pregnancy isn't either! No one asks expectant mothers, "What if your baby doesn't make it to term?" That's a terrible question to ask pregnant women! However, all pregnant women are aware that there is a certain degree of risk with every single pregnancy. They choose to focus on the good! They choose to believe their baby is going to be born at around 40 weeks and that the baby will be strong and healthy. They do not dwell on any possible negative outcomes until they have to. THAT is what we must do with this adoption. I cannot wonder each day if we'll be completely crushed at the end of this. I can't talk constantly about how we'll handle the grief of preparing for a baby and then never bringing him/her home. I refuse to do this! If this happens to us, it will be awful. The heartache will be immense, but we will deal with that if it comes.

Right now, I'm choosing joy and excitement! We are going on a crazy, big, overwhelming, beautiful journey that will result in a little baby one way or another! We have faith in God's sovereign plan!
The "what ifs" can be scary, but WHAT IF this whole thing turns out perfectly?!
WHAT IF we are matched with a precious woman who just wants what's best for her child?
WHAT IF we are what's best for that sweet little one?
WHAT IF we prepare a nursery and get ready to bring a baby home?
WHAT IF we drive to the hospital one day and meet the child God planned for us long ago?
WHAT IF the birth mother has peace with her adoption decision?
WHAT IF we fall head over heels with an innocent child?
WHAT IF 48 hours after the birth, the birth mother signs over her rights?
WHAT IF we load our car up with a car seat and a tiny little human and bring him or her home as ours?
WHAT IF this works?

Auction...WOW!

On October 19th, I announced that we would be holding an auction fundraiser and that we needed item donations. I didn't have a plan yet! I didn't have a date, a method of holding the auction, a system for collecting donations or payments, NOTHING! I just thought it sounded like a good idea!

I decided that the weekend before Black Friday would be best for this time of year since people usually do most of their shopping between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It just seemed to be good timing before everyone spends a bunch on Black Friday, and it was the first weekend of Thanksgiving break for me, which meant I'd have time to organize payments, pick ups, etc.

The auction was set to run November 16-18, which was less than a month after I announced this fundraiser! I was concerned that we wouldn't have enough time, but I was so wrong! I follow an adoption fundraiser page where people share their fundraising ideas, and most people said they had raised $2,000-$3,000 on their auctions. We figured even if we couldn't raise that much due to timing, any little bit would help!

Well...we raised about $7,000! I'm still in shock! The support of our family, friends, and community has been astounding! We had handmade shirts, jewelry, signs, Christmas decor, baked goods, corn hole boards, blankets, gift certificates, two CARS, and more! We are still working to arrange pick ups for a few items, but the majority was gone within a couple of days! This was a crazy successful fundraiser, and we just got a big step closer to Baby Starkey!

God never ceases to amaze me! We spent the entire month thinking we could maybe raise $1,000, and we ended up with $7,000! Amazing! My God does BIG things!

Home Visit

Life has been so crazy in the past few weeks, so I'm just now getting the opportunity to write about our home visit/interview!

It was on November 14th, and it went very well!

Beforehand, our home study writer sent a LONG list of questions and said we could answer them ahead of time if we wanted and send them back. She said this would help cut down on the length of the visit. She said they typically last 4-6 hours! Yikes! I made sure we got our questions answered and returned.

We really had no idea what to expect from the visit. We have a few friends who have fostered, and they all said the home study is extremely long, tedious, and invasive. They had to lock up cleaning supplies, medications, guns, etc. a certain way, and they had to baby proof. Well, for anyone wondering, foster care and private adoption home studies are very different! Adoption home studies are like a walk in the park compared to the foster home studies! We had no idea!

Our home study writer arrived around 10:30 am on Wednesday, November 14th. She was very kind and friendly, and she helped calm our nerves! We sat at our kitchen table, and she just got to know us! She asked a lot of questions, and she was very helpful in explaining the entire process in more detail. Around 12:15 or so, she said we were done with the questions and she needed to walk through our home. This made me nervous again because it's so weird having a stranger walk through each room of your home looking through stuff! However, it was no big deal! She was even kind of funny about it! She looked around a little just to make sure things were safe and there were no major hazards. We said goodbye and closed the door just before 12:30! It took TWO HOURS!

The home study writer said everything looked good, and we are unofficially officially approved! In other words, there's no issues and now it's just a matter of her getting the home study report typed, edited, and finalized, which takes few weeks. (With Thanksgiving in there, it may take a little bit longer.) We should have our finalized home study by Christmas, or possibly a little after. We all know holidays can slow things down a bit.

We were shocked by how easy and quick the entire visit was! Austin was already off work that day, but I had taken the day off, so we ended up going to lunch together on a Wednesday afternoon! It was a rare treat!

Now we're just waiting for the home study to be finalized, and then we will officially be waiting to be matched with a birth mother! I'm really struggling to contain my excitement through it all! God is so good, and we are so thankful!

He's In The Waiting

As I was driving home from work yesterday, I was thinking about this adoption. There are a lot of unanswered questions that Austin and I have right now.

How will the funding come together?
Will we have to take out a loan?
How will having an adoption loan payment affect our ability to build the house we've been planning?
Can we afford it all?
When will we even be able to begin building our house?
Should we wait until after the adoption is finalized?
I could go on and on!

It's so easy to become overwhelmed by all the unknowns, and believe me, I've had my moments! I've melted down to Austin because it all seems so impossible. I've been negative. I've even had a couple of moments when I told Austin maybe we shouldn't do this. It's too hard!

But those are the moments when God does something to comfort me and reassure me that He is in control. For example, yesterday as I was thinking about how hard this all is, the Christian song called "Take Courage" came on in my car. The song says, "Take courage, my heart. Stay steadfast, my soul. He's in the waiting."

GOD IS IN THE WAITING!

Waiting is ridiculously hard! I do not enjoy it AT ALL! I'm far too impatient, but the reminder that my God is literally IN THE WAITING with me is all I need! He has a plan, and there is nothing I can do to mess it up. If God is truly calling us to adopt a newborn, HE will make it happen. He will be there as we wait. He knows the answers to all my questions, and He will reveal it all in the right time. I just have to trust and keep my faith.

This is, by far, the biggest step of faith we have ever taken! A lot of money, time, resources, and work are going into this, and we have to have faith that it's all going to work out according to God's will. We must keep going. Even when things are frustrating. Even when it looks like all of our earthly plans will be put on hold in the process. Even when it means making huge sacrifices. Even when we have no idea how any of it will work, we have to keep going. Keep trusting. 2 Corinthians 5:7 says, "For we walk by faith, not by sight." If Austin and I were walking by sight right now, we honestly wouldn't be adopting. It's too hard, and we simply don't know how it's going to work out. We are choosing daily to walk by faith. Allowing the Lord to direct our steps is the only way we can ensure we are following His will!

All The Emotions

Excitement!
Since we decided to adopt, I've been more than excited! I've been so overjoyed at the thought of becoming a mom! I've wanted to have children since I was a child myself, and I can remember dreaming of the days when I would have a husband and kids! Now I have the most incredible husband who loves me with a deep, Christ-like love, and children are on the horizon! I can't wait to decorate a nursery, hold a baby, comfort him/her as they cry, teach them about Jesus, and play! I'm SO excited!

Overwhelmed.
There are SO MANY steps to this process. The costs are outrageous. There are many unknowns. We really don't have many answers yet. The "what-ifs" can really weigh on me. What if we can't raise much money? What if we have to take out a loan? What if the home study doesn't go well for some reason? What if no birth mother wants to choose us? What if a birth mother does choose us but changes her mind at the last minute...after we've gone to the hospital, car seat strapped in and diaper bag in hand? The fact is we don't know how everything will happen, but we have to trust that God is in control of every single step.

Peace
Even when I'm nervous about how things will work, I know this is what God is leading us to do! I truly don't have a clue how funds will come together, but knowing who MY GOD is helps me to trust that it's all going to be okay.

Frustration
I've said to my husband numerous times, "It's not fair!" Honestly, I stand by that frustration that things aren't fair. It's NOT fair that it has been a struggle to conceive a baby. It's NOT fair that adoption is outrageously expensive. It's NOT fair that everywhere I turn I see baby announcements and gender reveals. It's NOT fair that I have to fundraise and possibly even take out a loan so that I can become a mom while others get pregnant left and right! I get so frustrated with ALL of these things, but in those moments of frustration, the Lord reminds me that I get to take a baby out of possibly a really rough environment. I get to mother a child without having to go through morning sickness, exhaustion, and hours of labor. I get to bring a baby into a loving home who may not otherwise ever know a loving home. I get to teach a little one about Jesus who may not have had that opportunity without us. I GET TO!

Hope
I have so much hope for the baby we will bring home! I can't wait to see all the joy this little one brings to our lives! I definitely hope and pray that we will one day have biological children, but I know that God is going to provide us with the opportunity to become parents one way or another because He is good, and He fulfills His promises. Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." I know the desire to have a baby is a desire the Lord has placed within my heart, and I believe He intends to fulfill it.

Seriously, Why Is This So Expensive?

$38,000-$40,000

That's a ridiculous amount of money, and honestly, I think it's an UNFAIR amount of money. In order to adopt an infant through a private agency, this is about how much it costs. It's sheer insanity!

The numbers take my breath away, and I wonder frequently how we're going to do this. In case anyone has forgotten, I'm a teacher, and Austin is a police officer. We both LOVE our jobs, and there is nothing either of us would rather do. Our careers provide steady paychecks, and we are able to live comfortably. We are so incredibly grateful for jobs we love and the reliable income we're able to bring home. However, this may surprise you, but we do not have an extra $40,000 lying around! Who does?! It's unrealistic to think the average family can easily shell out that much money in order to adopt a newborn.

Since we aren't just rolling in the dough, that means our options are: 1. Apply for grants, which you have a SLIM chance of receiving, 2. Take out a loan that will end up being basically a third car payment, 3. Fundraise.

All of these options are SO HARD! We are going to apply for any grants we possibly can, but we must have a completed home study before we can apply. (Our home study won't be complete until around mid December.) After the home study, in order to move to the waiting families list, we must provide a confirmation of funds to our agency. We don't have to actually pay up front, but we have to show that we have the money up front. In other words, we need about $40,000 as soon as the home study is over, which means grants most likely will not work for us. We will try anyways!

No one wants loans! We certainly don't! However, we are willing to do what it takes to bring our baby home. However, we will soon be building a house. We're currently crunching numbers to make sure we can afford a mortgage, our current monthly bills, a child, AND an adoption loan payment. We're committed to making it work, which means we will make the necessary sacrifices. We may have to wait on building our house! Right now, we really don't know!

Fundraising is so difficult! I hate asking for financial help, even through fundraisers. We started our t-shirt fundraiser and raised over $400. Our puzzle fundraiser is ongoing, and so far we've raised about $400 with that. We've had a few others donate, and we are putting together an online auction. We have several items donated for that already, but as of right now, I really have no idea how the auction is going to go. We are so grateful to every single person who has donated money, items to donate, and time to help us. Every penny helps!

Trying to raise such a large amount is overwhelming and daunting. Some days I feel like we're not going to get anywhere close to our goal, and other days I feel encouraged by the support of so many family members and friends! I have absolutely NO idea how the money is going to come together. A loan may be our only option. All I DO KNOW is that our God is GOOD. We believe that He wouldn't call us to do something that He had no intentions of making happen! We're trusting His will and sovereignty over all things, and we know the entire process will come together in His timing!

The Journey to Home Study

As of yesterday, we have a date set for our home visit/interview with a social worker! ONE STEP CLOSER!

Before we began this process, we really didn't know what all would be involved! Well, it's A LOT! I'll catch you up on the major events that led us to where we are now!

1. Adoption agency research: This was a struggle because so many agencies have different requirements to be able to adopt through them, and the one that seemed to stop us repeatedly was a marriage length requirement. The majority that we researched required couples to have been married for at least two years. Some require 3-5 years! We understand that agencies want to ensure that babies are going to stable homes, but it was disheartening to be told no over and over again! Finally we found Texas Adoption Center, and they did not have the marriage length requirement, AND some of their fees were substantially less than other agencies! Ding, ding, ding...We have a winner! Not only did the requirements and costs draw us in, but the agency was very prompt and open with their communication and information!

2. Gender/Race Preferences: So...we had never thought about any other races than our own while discussing adoption. We just assumed we would adopt a Caucasian baby. We had no real reasons for it; that's just what we were planning. Then the agency informed us that they were not accepting any additional couples who had gender or race preferences. We didn't have a gender preference, but we had to discuss race. I am a teacher, and I have taught students of  MANY different races. White, black, Hispanic, Asian, Middle Eastern, and more. I love children and people in general because of who they are, not because of race. My husband is a police officer. He deals with all races every day and treats every person the same, no matter their skin color or ethnic background. However, we had never thought about having a child of our own of another race. We discussed the challenges that it would bring. Not only would our child potentially struggle throughout his/her childhood with the fact that he/she was adopted, but they would also look VERY different than us. If we do ever have biological children, would the fact that our adopted child is of a different race present extra challenges because they don't look anything like his/her mom, dad, and siblings? We just had so many questions, and then my dad said something that stopped me in my tracks. He said, "You feel that God is leading you to adopt. Are you going to put limits on God?" Wow. Austin and I discussed that statement and prayed about it. Are we willing to go against God's will for our lives because we're afraid that we won't know how to handle the potential questions our child may have? NO! If God is calling us to do this, He will prepare us and give us the tools to follow! So I emailed the agency worker and said, "We're ready for the next steps!"

3. Home Study: So before we began this journey, I thought the home study was simply a visit to our home where they check to see how clean and safe it is. That's only PART of it! It's also an audit of who you are as people! After submitting our home study application and fee, we received a checklist of documents we had to submit. Proof of employment/salary, photos of our home, tax returns, background checks, fingerprinting, floor plans with dimensions of our home, birth certificates, drivers licenses, socials, marriage license, reference letters, a physicians statement of overall health, and MORE! It was a lengthy list, and the agency worker said it's all in our timing. However long we took to collect and submit documents was up to us, and after we did all of that, they would schedule the home visit. I got busy! We scheduled fingerprints, and doctor appointments, and I started scanning documents like a crazy lady!

4. The Doctor Visit: This was frustrating! First of all, my doctor could not see me for a well visit until DECEMBER! This was mid October! Umm, no! Austin started calling other clinics to see if they would do our adoption physicals. Apparently not all doctors do this! He finally found one that would! Hallelujah! We went on a Saturday in pouring rain and a TORNADO! (But that's another story for another time!) They told us they needed blood work, but they couldn't do it that day because we had eaten breakfast recently, and we needed to fast for 8 hours beforehand. (Darn you, biscuits & gravy!) We made plans to both take off work the following Monday and go have our blood work done. A couple of days later, I got a call that my blood work was abnormal, and they wanted to run additional tests on the blood they'd already taken, AND they said I needed to come back in a month to have my blood checked again. They said they wouldn't sign off on our adoption form until the next tests in a month, as long as levels were better. Noooo! I couldn't hold back my tears as I was still on the phone with the nurse. I was so upset that we had to wait a month! After MANY tears and lots of consolation from my sweet husband, we accepted this and carried on. Well...three days later, I got another call from the doctor saying the additional tests on the blood from earlier that week came back all clear. After I questioned some more about having to wait, I found out that the nurse had been confused, and we WOULD NOT have to wait another month! They said we could bring our forms in, and they'd sign! I was ecstatic! We were back on track!

5. Home Study Documents: The next Monday, Austin went and had our doctor forms signed, and we spent that evening scanning the rest of our documents and submitting them! Our part was DONE!

6. Home Visit Date: Within two days, the agency had reviewed all of our documents, references, and the background checks were back. Everything was perfect, and it was time to schedule the home visit/interview! The home study writer contacted me, and we scheduled the visit for November 14th! I also found out that the home visit for private adoption is much different and less strict than the home visit for foster care. (We had heard about how crazy it was from friends who foster, and we were nervous!) This relieved a lot of stress!

So that's where we are! Less than three weeks away from our home visit/interview, and we are that much closer to Baby Starkey! I'm spending all of my free time working on fundraisers and working on our profile book that birth mothers will see. My thoughts are consumed by a child we've never met and may not even exist yet! But I know he/she WILL! I know there is a child that is going to be born and meant for US! He/she is already meant to be a Starkey, and we can't wait to be his/her mommy and daddy!

Why Adoption?

My husband, Austin, and I recently got married. The year that we spent dating and engaged was the best year of my life! Hands down! I fell in love with that man very quickly, and I think most people who knew us knew we'd end up married! Everything was so easy and wonderful! He was everything I'd ever prayed for and SO MUCH MORE! When March 3, 2018 arrived, I remember watching our wedding ceremony from the "Cry Room" of my church, where I could see and hear the processional start! My dad and I were standing in the room, and he asked me, half jokingly, half seriously, "Are you sure?" He knew the answer, and he knew Austin was a good man, but he had to give his daughter one last moment to think about the commitment she was about to make. Without hesitation, I confidently said yes! I couldn't wait to walk down that aisle and marry the man God had been preparing specifically for me!

March 3rd was the best day, and I will cherish every moment for the rest of my life! We went on our honeymoon the next day, and had a great week! Then we returned and spent the next week getting me moved into the apartment and getting things organized. Then it was back to real life! 

Real life got hard very quickly. The perfect year of dating and engagement, the beautiful wedding, and the relaxing honeymoon all ended when we unexpectedly found out we were expecting and losing a baby all at once. My world stopped. My heart sank. My soul wept. 

There is nothing that can describe the pain, shock, anger, and confusion I experienced during this time. Anyone who has gone through a miscarriage understands. We had not been planning to wait a long time to begin having children, but the miscarriage made me want a baby even more! We decided to go ahead and start our family sooner than originally planned. 

No one tells you that pregnancy may not be instant. No one tells you that it takes normal, healthy couples an average of 6 months to conceive. Every month, my hopes would get up...and then they would come crashing down.

That summer, I began having some issues and ended up having surgery. It was a minor day surgery, and we and the doctor were convinced that the surgery would solve the problem! 

It didn't.

I was experiencing pain that would make simply getting out of bed unbearable at times. I passed out from the pain twice, and each day was unpredictable. Some days were okay, and some were excruciating. I spent so much time in bed and on the couch. After countless doctor visits, an ER trip, and surgery, we were at a loss as to what to do next. 

In addition to the physical pain, my emotions were wreaking havoc. My doctor suggested a treatment to help with the pain, but it would mean saying goodbye to the chances of getting pregnant anytime soon. He brought up fertility testing and treatments...I was overwhelmed. I'll spare you the personal details, but in the end, the outlook of pregnancy was looking dim. It was as if I had to choose between living without pain and having a baby. Anxiety was building, tears wouldn't stop flowing, and I didn't know what to do. 

Adoption.

We had discussed adoption before we got married, but we weren't sure if we would ever actually do it. We started casually talking about it again, and then I starting researching our options. We had been praying for a child together and separately. We'd pray together at night before bed, and I'd pray periodically throughout each day, each time asking God, "Please give us a baby." I didn't specifically pray to get pregnant...I prayed for a baby. I also prayed that the Lord would make my heart okay with His perfect plan, whatever it may be. Could adoption be His plan? As I learned more about the adoption process and spoke with agencies, I knew this was what we had to do. I was surprised when Austin felt the same way! We both felt a peace about this decision that we can't really explain. It was most definitely God directing our steps!

We talked to our families about this choice, and everyone was so supportive and excited! We had reassurance after reassurance after reassurance that adoption was the next step for us!